Shine
by theangel1710
Summary: AU. A year and a half ago, Santana's life take the worst turn. Now as she struggles to get through everyday life, will a certain Brittany Pierce be able to help her even when Santana can't seem to help herself?
1. Chapter 1: Cyclical Torture

**Chapter 1: Cyclical Torture**

Frantic gasping interrupted the peaceful atmosphere of the cold night. Santana's pupils are dilated, cold sweat covering every inch of her frail body. Her fists are clenched at her sides, grasping the white bed sheets as if it were her lifeline; her last remaining connection to reality.

_Fire._

Images of the nightmare are vivid in her mind. Santana could remember every detail of it and describe it in perfect clarity. She would have told someone that the contrasting images of the flare of fire and the acuity of darkness would have been majestic if everything else wasn't horrifying. She knew she had to tell someone. But not now, she can't.

"Stop." Santana whispers hoarsely to herself. She forces her breathing back under control and closes her eyes in an attempt to stop the images. "Stop." She whispers again, more firmly this time.

Nightmares aren't anything new for Santana. They've become part of her everyday life. It is a constant reminder of her past – something she was more than willing to forget about. But life doesn't work that way, it never has and it never will.

Once she was calm enough to handle the darkness, Santana glanced at the alarm clock beside her.

2:43 am.

Not more than two hours ago, she woke up in a similar state. She thinks that she'd rather go to hell than to go through that a third time.

"Damn it." She mutters quietly to herself because even though she so badly wants to scream in frustration, Quinn will not appreciate the rude wake-up call at an absolutely absurd time. She practically owes the girl her life.

Santana swings her legs off the bed, dragging herself to the kitchen to make herself a much-needed cup of coffee.

Her day has begun.

* * *

><p>"You look like hell." Santana jumps at the sudden voice having been accustomed to almost three hours of silence. Quinn is walking towards her to join her on the counter, her eyes still half-closed.<p>

"Thanks. At least, I don't look like death. Good morning to you too." Quinn rolls her eyes, gratefully accepting the mug of coffee Santana is offering her.

Santana quietly drinks in the familiarity of it all because somehow, it gives her comfort that something is constant in her life other than the nightmares. As Santana goes over the newspaper in front of her and gulping down her second cup of coffee, Quinn observes her friend closely.

"Bad night?" She asks, noticing the exhaustion on the Latina's face. Santana doesn't even look up from her newspaper. This is part of their routine.

"Not the worst."

"It's been a year and a half since the accident. How come you're _still _having nightmares?" Santana shrugs although she visibly tenses for the next thing Quinn is going to say.

A year and a half ago, Santana lost her family to a fire. She was twenty and was well on her way to becoming a lawyer. Her parents and her sister were all proud of her and they would often go on vacation trips. They were happy. And then the unthinkable happened. All Santana could remember was an explosion late during the night of her graduation. The next thing she knew, her dad was carrying her out of the house and her arms were burned. Her dad went back to save her mother and sister and braved the raging fire. They never made it out. When Santana was conscious enough, she rushed back in, worried as to why no one was coming out. The police found her, half-burned, cradling the burned bodies of what used to be her family.

The family insurance was able to pay all her hospital bills. But Santana refused to go back or to even set foot within a mile radius of where she used to live. That was when she found a home with Quinn. The girl attended to her every need and was the one who pulled her out of depression enough to get her to function. The doctors told Quinn that Santana was experiencing Acute Stress Disorder, a common reaction to tragedy. She was told that it usually lasted for just a month.

This is why Quinn was worried.

When after a month, the nightmares didn't stop and Santana continued to avoid anything related to fire, she consulted a friend psychiatrist. The psychiatrist told her that Santana might be undergoing Nightmare Disorder with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. But he could never be sure unless Santana willingly comes to him for examinations and therapy.

"Maybe you should go see someone."

"No."

"Why not?"

"I don't need anyone." Santana finally looks up from her newspaper, meeting Quinn's frown. "Quinn, leave it. I'm fine."

It's been like this ever since she exceeded the normal month. Santana refused to see anyone and trusted almost no one. The fire killed not only her family but also her ability to live. She functioned, she answered questions, she did the things she was supposed to do. But her eyes were dead, lifeless, sorrowful. Her entire physique screamed agony and sometimes, when Santana was too tired to hide it, the sight would make Quinn burst into tears – the tears that Santana never found the courage to shed.

"At least talk to me about it." Santana trusts Quinn with her life. And the blonde knows that. But both knew that Santana is not ready for this. At the mere thought of it, the color drains from her face.

"I – I can't." Really, she _is_ trying. She sees the disappointment flash through Quinn's green, honest eyes and she _hates_ herself for being so weak that she can't even talk about something that happened years ago. "I'm sorry, Q. I'm sorry." She says.

"Don't worry about it, San." Quinn gives her a reassuring smile. What Santana is going through is something she will never be able to understand. But she does know that Santana needs a friend… and maybe lots of sleep.

"Oh yeah, Caleb's asking if we're on for lunch later." Santana had to smile. In her list of people she can trust, which only consisted of two people, Caleb Librea is the other person. He's this tall, jet black haired guy she met three months after her life decided to torture her. She was at the Henessey's, a bar downtown, trying to drink herself to death. He had the courage to drag her home – her home being at Quinn's – and to lecture her that whatever it was she was going through, she was not alone. It was the first time she broke into tears since she lost her family. Ever since then, they were a trio. It made Santana feel like she belonged.

"He's asking _us_ or he's asking _you_?" Quinn's cheeks flushed a brilliant shade of pink. Since they became a trio, it was no secret to all of them that Caleb liked Quinn. He wasn't exactly subtle and Santana thinks that he did not even try to hide it.

"Shut it, Lopez. He's asking us. I have no meetings later, thank goodness and apparently, he doesn't have any either."

"My hearing ends at 11. So yeah, I guess we're good." Quinn types out a quick text and snaps the phone shut, diving into the takeout Santana had reheat right before Quinn woke up. Santana goes back to reading her newspaper, feeling a little bit better.

"You know, I'm here for you, right?" Santana smiles and Quinn beams. It's a rare occurrence to see the brunette smile especially after what happened to her and it's always a relieving sight for Quinn because even the smallest of her smiles reassure her that grief hasn't won her friend over. She is still alive, at least partially.

"I know." Santana's smile gives off a hint of sadness. "Be patient with me, Q. One way or another, I'm going to get over this shit." Quinn nods, happy that at least Santana's expressing something.

"I've always been patient with you. Even when you kept on stealing my dolls when we were six." Santana slaps her playfully on the arm.

_Thank you._

* * *

><p>Work isn't easy for Santana. Every single time she walks through the glass doors, she would get pitiful looks and sympathetic pats on her back. At first, she tried to hide the effect of her constantly worsening nightmares by using an unbelievable amount of concealer. She soon gave up on that and now, she walks through the busy hallways with her eyes as dead as ever.<p>

"Hey, Lopez!" Santana, who is wearing her power suit, stopped abruptly. She cringed as she recognized a mohawked guy walking towards her with that ever present mischievous smirk on his face.

"Puckerman." She greets as the two make their way to the elevator. Noah Puckerman, more commonly known as Puck, is her drinking buddy.

"You doing anything tonight?" Also, he's a guy who keeps asking her on dates. Santana rolls her eyes at him, too exhausted to dive into her usual speech as to why she is not going to date him and instead gets to the point.

"I'm a lesbian, Puck. How many times do I have to tell you that?" Puck laughs heartily.

"I know. But maybe mini Puck can set you straight."

"Oh God, do you really have to talk about your manhood inside an elevator?" She turns to a woman on her left who seemed amused with the entire conversation. "I don't know this guy."

"Aw, Satan. Come on."

"No."

"I promise you that I'm the absolute best in bed."

"No." Santana turns to glare at him. "Shut up before I decide to plant my heels in your sorry excuse for a penis." Puck pales and doesn't say a word for the rest of their elevator ride.

"Are you okay, Santana? Did you get any sleep last night?" He asks as soon as they reach their floor where he's able to distance himself from her.

"Not really. But what's new?" Puck sighed, this time giving her a small, sad smile. Santana ignores him and instead gets in touch with the lawyer Santana who's needed for her hearing. "Bye."

"Go get them, babe." He says in return before he hurries off to his own office.

Outside the court room, Santana takes in a deep breath. This is a place where she can't be a weak, cowardly little girl. This is where she was taught to keep the personal shit that may get in her way locked and secure. Here, Santana isn't just Santana. She becomes the most powerful lawyer in the history of the firm and she has to keep that title intact.

She pushes the door open, ready and on guard, and as strong as her exhausted mind can allow her to be.

* * *

><p><em>Might be late. I just left the court room. I'll be there 10 minutes tops. – S<em>

"Santana's going to be here in 10 minutes." Quinn announces to her companion. Caleb nods, too busy staring at her to formulate a verbal reply. The blonde flushes in embarrassment. "Stop staring, you're creeping me out." Caleb laughs deeply, getting the response he was aiming for.

"Sorry, I can't help it." Quinn laughs along with him. Somehow, things never got awkward between them even when the guy confirmed that he does indeed like her.

"How's the business going?" She asks once they've settled down. Caleb puts on a proud face.

"We're earning double since last month when we hired Brittany, the amazing choreographer and dancer I was telling you about. My entire staff's happy. My customers are happy. I'm happy." He says. "How're your clients?"

"Some Rachel Berry's making it hard for us to win her a decent contract. Other than that, we're doing great."

They know that they are only prolonging the inevitable. Just like always, Caleb cracks.

"How is she?" Quinn nods, understanding that they don't have much time before Santana gets to the restaurant.

"Last night may probably be the worst one this week. She looked dead, Caleb."

"It's not getting any better?" Caleb asks, his tone worried.

"No, I think it's getting worse. She doesn't have much of a social life and frankly, she's scaring me. She hasn't talked about it nor would she entertain the idea of seeing someone so that at least we know what's wrong with her." Caleb sighs and runs a hand through his unruly hair.

"And there's no improvement whatsoever?" Quinn fiddles with the fork on her side of the table.

"She smiled during breakfast and told me to be patient with her and that she was going to get over this. I don't really believe the second part but at least she's trying." Quinn says, the unshed tears shining in her eyes. It hurt her to see her lifelong friend suffering like that but she's got to be strong for her. Caleb notices the crack in her voice and reaches out to engulf Quinn's trembling hand in his. It was a friendly gesture as he set his personal matters aside to comfort his friend.

"It's okay, Quinn. I know she's going to be okay." He says, soothingly. Quinn looks at him with the best smile she can muster and Caleb smiles right back at her.

"Thanks." The blonde uses her free hand to wipe away the tears at the corner of her hands. Caleb only squeezes her hand in comfort.

"Uhm, am I interrupting something?" They both jump at the sound of Santana's voice and they completely let go of each other's hands.

"San!" Quinn exclaims, standing up from her sit to hug her.

"I can go if you want." The brunette says and Caleb quickly stands up, his hands raised in defense.

"No!" It came out louder than expected so he clears his throat and tries again. "No, stay. We've been waiting for you." He says a little too quickly. Quinn lets go of her, her face flushed. Santana eyes the two of them before breaking into a small smile.

"You know, you guys are disgustingly adorable when you're all flustered. Just take her, Caleb and have some amazing sex." When Caleb looks horrified and embarrassed and Quinn only blushes deeper, Santana lets out a small chuckle. "I was just joking, jeez. Let's get a move on, I'm starving."

"So, Caleb, how's your boring life?" Santana asks once they were able to sit and order their food.

"Not as bad as yours, Santana." Santana's eyes darken and Caleb quickly regrets what he said.

"Good." She says, coldly. Quinn watches the two of them with wary eyes and flinches when Santana replied.

"Sorry. That was below the belt." Caleb mutters sincerely, shrinking under the glare of Quinn. Santana's face softens.

"It's okay." She says. "But you know what's not okay?" Caleb looks at her, confused. "Me walking in to you two having eye sex. Seriously, why don't you two just get your mack on?"

"Santana!" Quinn slaps her arm reproachfully and Santana snickers. The guy just puts his face in his hands praying for the ground to open up and swallow him whole. Before either can come up with a withering retort to Santana, the food arrives.

"Oh, thank God." Santana says, burying herself in her food before it was even set in front of her. Her companions contently laugh at her.

Caleb and Quinn are more than just bestfriends to Santana. She teases them and sometimes they get into unnecessary fights. But they were the reason she's still alive. They would never allow her to commit suicide. They are the friends that someone like her needed. They are her hope that someday, her life will be okay and that someday, light will shine in her dark life.

* * *

><p>"Night, Q."<p>

"Night, S." They went to their respective bedrooms and while Quinn immediately drops on her bed, Santana hesitates by the door.

As she moves toward the bed, Santana curses the fact that she is human and that sleep is necessary.

In the moment when she closes her eyes, Santana's life has begun.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Hey guys, this chapter is basically an introduction to how Santana's everyday life goes. Also, Brittany will be in the next chapter so stay with me, okay? Tell me what you think?**

**Brittana FTW,**

**theangel1710**


	2. Chapter 2: Temporary Light

**Chapter 2: Temporary Light**

"Ugh." Quinn groans. Her alarm clock is buzzing on her bedside table and for a while, the blonde mess contemplates on how to crush the thing. Finally resigning to her fate, she reaches out to press the snooze button at the same time getting up from her heaven that was her bed. She opens her phone, smiling as she reads the text there.

_Good morning, gorgeous. See you girls for lunch? - Caleb_

She types out a quick yes and sluggishly, she makes her way to the kitchen where she's hoping that breakfast is already waiting for her. But instead of seeing pancakes or waffles that she was accustomed to seeing, she is greeted by the sight of Santana, her head against the counter.

"San?" She calls out. The brunette lifts her head and looks at her with dark, bloodshot eyes. Quinn forgets that she is supposed to be sleepily and quickly rushes over to her friend.

"Morning, Q." Quinn ignores her.

"How bad?"

"Not that bad." Santana avoids her eyes.

"Santana."

"Thrice last night. Once this morning." Santana hesitates. "I – I could hear my sister." Quinn's eyes narrow, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"W – what did she say?" Santana closes her eyes, trying to block out the memories of what she saw. But the ringing in her ears continued. She could still hear her.

"She wasn't saying anything. She was just screaming." Santana's voice cracks and for a moment Quinn thinks that she's finally breaking. But then, she sees the Latina's fist clench and she knows that she's not ready yet.

"I'm calling you in sick, okay?" When Santana abruptly looks at her and opens her mouth to protest, Quinn quickly cuts her off. "No. It's either that or I'm dragging you to see someone."

"Fine." Santana concedes with a sigh that sounded too close to a sob. She was so tired and broken. She thinks that she'd rather she died in that fire than to continue living like this. No tears escape her eyes – there was no more. She feels Quinn put an arm around her shoulders and it takes her a few seconds before her brain cold process what she was saying. Her heart breaks a little more when she does.

"You're okay, S. You're okay. Shhhh." Quinn whispers soothingly against her ear. She looks down at her friend and hates the pain she sees on her face.

It takes a while but Santana gathers up what little energy she has left and finally manages to drag herself to the couch not wanting to be alone in her bedroom. Her eyelids feel like a ton but she manages to keep them open; she isn't about to go through hell a fifth time. She thinks that she might die if she goes through it again.

"_Stay here, okay? I'm going to get your mom and sister. Wait for us. Okay?" _

Keeping her eyes open doesn't make a difference. Memories she so wanted to bury are on parade and when she looks up at the white ceiling, all she could see is her dad. His face was half-burnt and there were tears in his eyes. He looked terrified but determined and she remembers wishing she was strong enough to push herself to follow him ; she wishes she was strong enough to help him.

Maybe they would have survived. Maybe they would still be here. If only she _tried_.

* * *

><p>"So. How's my favorite choreographer?" Caleb asks to his guest. A blonde girl is sitting on the other side of his desk. She is lithe and graceful and when she walks it's as if she was dancing. Often, the room would cease to function and would stop to look at her when she enters the room. But despite the attention, Brittany Pierce stayed humble and modest and friendly and that was one of the reasons why Caleb was so fond of her.<p>

"Good, actually. My mom asked me to go home on Sunday so I might take Monday off. Is that, okay?" Brittany says with a smile.

"Sure. After all, you're the reason why this company's happy." Brittany blushes an adorable shade of red and simply smiles wider at the man in front of her. Before either of them could say anything, Caleb's phone buzzed. He pulled it out of his blazer pocket and flushed when he saw the name.

"Is it Quinn?" Caleb flushes even deeper and Brittany chuckles. "You should get that." He simply nods wondering why he was so obvious.

"Hey, Q."

"Hey. Do you mind coming over for lunch?" Caleb frowns, sensing the worry in her voice.

"Not that I don't want to but why?" Quinn sighs.

"I forced Santana to stay at home today. I don't think she got any sleep last night."

"That bad?"

"Too bad." Caleb's shoulders drop. Brittany notices the slight frown on his face. She mouths "are you okay?" Caleb nods giving her a tired smile.

"Okay, Q. I'll be there in 30 minutes? Oh and do you mind? I'm going to invite the choreographer I wouldn't shut up about for lunch. Is that okay?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Okay, bye."

"See you." Caleb hits the end call button and faces his companion.

"You're having lunch with us." Brittany laughs.

"Do I have a choice?"

"Well, you do. But I insist you come because I think that they think I'm delusional and you're just a piece of my imagination." Brittany shoots him a confused look.

"They?"

"Yep. Quinn and Satan. I mean, Santana." Caleb corrects himself with a cough.

"You are one big bully."

"I am not." He replies in a mock indignant voice. When all laughter subsided, Caleb puts on a serious look on his face.

"Santana's not really good with other people since something happened to her a year and a half ago. I'm sorry I can't tell you what happened. That's for her to decide if you should know. So be patient with her, okay? There _is_ a reason why her nickname's Satan." Brittany nods solemnly. "She doesn't laugh much recently and she smiles even less. To be honest, I was thinking that maybe if she meets somebody new, she'd like feel safer or something."

"I'll be good, I promise." The blonde says. Caleb flashes her a smile, grateful that she understands.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."

* * *

><p>The knock on the door scares Santana. She just got dressed for their lunch since Quinn told her that Caleb invited someone. Usually, something as trivial as that doesn't make her jump three feet in the air. Today is different. She knows that she's being hypersensitive. She knows that she's just being paranoid.<p>

Since her life turned against her, Santana became wary around people she didn't know. Her mind would tell her that it's stupid and irrational but her instincts begged to differ. Often, she would isolate herself when being in the middle of a crowd was inevitable. She pushed away anyone that wasn't Quinn and Caleb. Her social life is suffering and she thinks that it's because she's not strong enough to rule over her own life.

Santana thinks that her life hates her too much.

"Hey!" Santana hears Caleb's hyperactive voice and she makes her way out of the bedroom to meet him and his guest. Just before she reaches the front door, Santana takes a deep breath, steadying herself and telling herself that Caleb trusts the guest. There's nothing to panic about. She tells herself that no one's going to hurt anyone. And she tries to convince herself that nothing will happen and that everything will be okay.

She tries unsuccessfully.

"Santana! They're here!" Quinn's voice snaps her out of her inner torture. She wills her feet to move and her face to produce as much of a friendly expression as it could muster. For Quinn, she thinks, and for Caleb.

Quinn's face appears out of nowhere and she steps back abruptly in surprise.

"Whoa, chill, Lopez." She says, reaching out to squeeze the Latina's shoulder.

"Bitch, you can't do that!" Santana says, clutching her frantic heart. Quinn laughs goodheartedly and slaps her on the back. As they round the corner, Caleb's face swim into view and she can't stop the smile on her face.

"Hi, _torpe_." She says teasingly. Caleb scowls at her, knowing little Spanish but knowing full well what Santana told him.

"Hi. Can you be nice? We have a guest." He says, replacing his scowl with a smile when Santana's face softened.

"You should thank your lucky stars."

"Whatever. Okay, Brittany?" A blonde head pokes her head behind Caleb's shoulder, a friendly smile on her face. Santana tries not to flee and plants her feet firmly on the ground. Quinn notices how her smile faltered just a tiny bit and gives Santana a reassuring smile.

"Hi!" The girl says, cheerful and bubbly. "I'm Brittany Pierce, nice to meet you." She sticks out her hand for Santana to shake. It takes a few seconds, but Santana manages to grasp the blonde's hand before she can turn against herself.

"Santana Lopez. Nice to meet you." She says and surprises herself at how light her tone was. She marvels at the soft skin beneath her hand and oddly enough, the touch pacifies her nerves and she finds herself returning Brittany's smile easily.

"So, Caleb has lucky stars?" Brittany asks curiously as soon as they let go of each other's hands. Santana chuckles, surprising both Quinn and Caleb. Brittany beams at the sound of Santana's small chuckle, she thinks that she's never heard anything that adorable before.

"Very few lucky stars." She replies, ignoring the shocked look on her friends' faces. She wasn't really sure why either, but she felt completely at ease and she wasn't about to let that feeling go. Not yet. "Quinn stop gawking like a stalker. Can we move? I'm sure it's about time to eat, right?"

Quinn snaps out of her daze and elbows Caleb in the ribs. He gives out a yelp of pain.

"Right, yeah okay. Eat." He mumbles. Santana shakes her head at their antics.

"You guys are perfect for each other. So why aren't you together?" Brittany asks innocently. The reaction was instant. Caleb splutters and chokes on nothing while Quinn flushes until her face looks like an apple. Santana grins, clearly enjoying this.

"I like you." She says, turning to Brittany. The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them and she watches as Brittany began to turn a weak shade of pink.

"Thanks! I like you too!" The blonde says, smiling like there's no tomorrow.

Santana's mind is giving her warnings and signals saying that this is wrong. She ignores logic and rationality and as she leads the way to the kitchen, warmth spreading in her entire being, she relishes in it and thinks that this time, she doesn't want to think. This time, she'd rather trust the positive feelings coursing in her rather than revolt against them. This time, she wants to make the most out of this moment.

* * *

><p>Lunch ended without a glitch. There was a lot of laughter on Quinn, Caleb, and Brittany's part and Santana smiled more than she's ever had in a day since a year and a half ago. On more than one occasions, she'd let out a quiet chuckle and though she found it odd that Brittany would always beam at her when she did so, it doesn't stop the warmth and ease she's feeling.<p>

Brittany thinks that this has got to be the best lunch she's ever had during the week and every time the mysterious girl beside Quinn let out a chuckle, she feels like she's floating. Caleb had warned her that she might get scary and brooding but honestly, she can't see anything of that on her face. Sure, Brittany could see sorrow in her eyes, but right now, the girl's smile mattered more to her than the sadness. She wasn't sure why, but there was something about Santana that makes her want the best for her. It's weird she admits to herself but it's not an enough reason for her stop wishing the best for her.

Unfortunately, all good things will have to come to an end. Quinn had to make a quick appearance at her office and Caleb still had some papers to attend to. An hour after lunch, Santana's already prepping herself to retreat back to her shell, knowing that when the bubbly blonde leaves their humble home, she'll take the good feelings with her. Nevertheless, she insisted on walking them to the front door. Perhaps it's an attempt to prolong Brittany's presence longer or perhaps it was simply her being courteous.

"Lunch was fun. Thanks Quinn, Santana." Brittany says, smiling her million-watt smile at them.

"You're welcome, Brittany. And if you like, you can come with us again. You're definitely making this one," Quinn gestures to Santana, who flushes like a teenager. "a lot less depressing." Caleb laughs heartily beside them and Brittany beams.

"I'm glad." She turns to Santana. "You know, you're beautiful when you smile. You should do it more often." She says honestly. Santana blushes deeper. She looks up to the most sincere pair of blue pools in front of her and something inside her melts.

"Thank you. It was nice meeting you." Her brown eyes are smiling and even though it only showed a little on her lips, Quinn and Caleb welcomed the image with open arms having watched Santana so broken far too much.

Brittany opens her arms and proceeds to hug Santana, effectively shocking the Latina. She lets go before Santana could react and then she hugs Quinn too. The two blondes are smiling at each other but Caleb sees the twinkle in Santana's eyes.

"You like her." He whispers quietly against her ear as their friends exchanged numbers. Santana steps on his foot, effectively changing the smirk on his face to an expression of pain.

"Ow." He hisses, getting the attention of Quinn and Brittany. Quinn glances at Santana's smug expression and Caleb's pained one. She crosses her arms in a motherly fashion and puts her bitch face on.

"_Santana._" She emphasizes her name and Santana scowls in response.

"He started it." She says indignantly.

"Did not!" Caleb manages to grind out.

"You remind me of my mom." The comment came out of nowhere that Santana just had to grin. Brittany's looking at Quinn with a submissive look on her face. Caleb begins to laugh when Quinn flushes in embarrassment. Santana only grins wider.

"Oh yes. She's definitely coming the next time we have lunch." She says. Quinn glares at her making Caleb laugh harder.

"Why are you laughing?" But Caleb's too caught up in his moment to answer.

Finally, when all laughter subsided, they said their goodbyes and exchanged numbers. Santana makes a mental note to thank Caleb later for bringing Brittany.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately for Quinn, "a quick appearance" turned into a three-hour meeting and four hours of arguing over the phone with a demanding Rachel Berry and an irrational Jesse St. James. The traffic was hell and it was already 9 o' clock in the evening by the time she got home.<p>

Quinn sighs as she tossed the heels to the shoe rack, reveling in the feeling of relief currently coursing through her exhausted feet.

"Oh, thank God." She mutters. Santana had left her dinner on the kitchen counter and she immediately digs in after she changed out of her work clothes.

Just as she was starting to enjoy her dinner, her ears pick up a small whimper. Quinn halts, spoon in mid-air. She wishes that it was only a piece of her imagination. But then, another slices through the air, this time a little louder. She is out of her seat and into the living room before she could comprehend what she is doing. Instincts took over and her eyes immediately land on Santana, who is laying, covered in cold sweat on the couch.

As Quinn moves cautiously over to her, she realizes that the brunette is saying something.

"Mom? No… Wait… Take… No… I want…" This is the first time that Santana is actually talking in her sleep and Quinn worries her soul out. She cups the brunette's cheek, grimacing at its lack of color and cold temperature. She almost wants to spit at the familiarity of it all.

"San." She says, clearly and firmly. Santana's eyes snap open and Quinn hates the panic in her eyes. She combs her fingers through rich, brown hair, waiting for Santana to come back. When she does, she surprises Quinn by the tears in her eyes and Quinn moves to take the terrified girl in her arms.

"Shh… It's okay… You're okay… You can cry." The last statement makes Santana shiver. And she clings desperately on Quinn's shirt, trying to ground herself back to reality.

"Q…" She whispers brokenly. She's not sobbing but Quinn feels the relief that Santana's at least letting some tears out.

"I'm here. You're here. It's okay." Quinn whispers.

As she feels the tears in her own eyes, Quinn wonders why of all people to be tortured like this, it had to be Santana. Sure, the brunette isn't perfect but she's not a bad person. She doesn't deserve this. Quinn feels her pull away slightly from her and feels the hot tears on her cheeks.

"Why are _you_ crying?" She rasps out.

"I'm crying because you won't. I'm crying because it's not fair." Santana smiles sadly, her eyes reflecting the abyss of pain she is currently lost in.

"Life isn't fair, Q."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Yo! Thank you for all the reviews for the first chapter and all those who put this story on their favorites. To those who put his story on alert, you are just as awesome. Thank you. Oh yeah, I'm sorry about how I made Santana a lawyer even though she's not supposed to be done with school yet. I was hoping no one would notice. ;) Let's just pretend Santana's a total genius, okay? Sorry. I hate math.**

**Tell me what you think? Reviews make me happy.**

**Brittana no matter what,**

**theangel1710**


	3. Chapter 3: Into the Abyss

**Chapter 3: Into the Abyss of Painful Memories**

Santana stands in the corner of her room, frozen. She's staring, with wide eyes and pale face, at a worn photograph under the open doors of the closet. It's staring right back up at her – glaring at her, _accusing_ her.

"_Hey S?" Santana looks at the smaller version of her. Brown eyes were peering back at hers, wide with a question. _

"_Yeah, T?" Tiana, her younger sister reaches out, her arms raised. Santana chuckled, picking up the small girl. Santana was 10 at that time. Tiana was at a tender age of 5._

"_I wanna be a doctor."_

"_Yeah? Why's that?"_

"_Well, S is gonna be a plower, right?" _

"_Lawyer, Tiana. Not plower." She said, correcting her little sister._

"_That. And it means that you gonna be the superhero of good people, right?" Santana nodded. Tiana looked at her, her eyes smiling._

"_But superheroes get hurt too. I wanna be a doctor so I can be _your _superhero when you get hurt by the bad guys." Santana's heart swelled. It was the sweetest thing Tiana had ever said to her. She pulled the small girl to her chest._

"_Have I ever told you how smart you are?" Tiana answered her with a giggle._

/

_Santana, 14, was crying on her bed, grieving her first breakup with a boy. They were together for 9 months, her first serious relationship. Her first everything. Everything. _

_Santana had refused to eat anything for the past few days. Not even Quinn could drag her out of her room. She couldn't even drag _herself_ out of the room. Just as the sobs were renewed with intensity, her door cracked open. She was about to snap at whoever was on the door when she saw Tiana. They stared at each other for a full minute, her sister's face was expressionless. She moved towards the bed, cautious and uncertain. When Santana's cries got louder, all doubt vanished from the 9-year-old's face._

_Tiana removed her shoes and climbed on Santana's bed. The girl did nothing to push her sister off. She had a broken heart not an ice cold one. She waited for Tiana to say something. But the smaller girl did not utter a single world. She curled up on Santana's side, her back pressed against her sister's front. _

_Her sister stayed with her until the sobs turned to sniffles. And when the tears stopped, she faced Santana and gave her a soft smile. She got up and tugged at her arm. It was her first real meal after four days of being locked up in her room._

/

_The fire was licking her back. It hurts and tears streamed down Santana's face. She had to find them. A block of wood fell behind her, grazing her already injured back. She let out a scream of pain. She wanted to give up. She wanted to give in to the calls of death. But no. She can't. She won't. She had to find them. She kicked open her sister's room. Nothing. More fire. She was about to leave when a picture caught her eye. It was the two of them in a playground, her sister clinging to her leg and both had a big smile on their faces. Santana picked it up. More tears flowed. _

_She can't stop now. They might be alive. No, they _had _to be alive._

_Santana limped her way to where the kitchen used to be. Nothing. She was running out of hope and her body was screaming in pain. Willpower kept her going and she practically crawled her way to their burnt living room. She was about to give up and just lay there, the smoke was suffocating her. She could hardly see anything and everything, their whole life, her home, was falling. She was about to live when she caught sight of familiar brown locks. Santana's eyes widened and she pulled herself together and gathered as much strength as what was left in her. She limped as fast as she could to her sister, wishing with all heart that she was still alive._

_What she saw next is something she wants to erase forever from her memory – not just bury it at the back of her head and lock it up. She wanted to erase it, burn it, whatever it takes to get it out of her head._

_In front of her, lies Tiana. Her body was burned, not a single patch of skin was spared. Santana put a hand on her mouth, trying to push the bile back down where it came from as her eyes traveled to her sister's face. Her mouth was open in shock, frozen and burned by the fire still licking her there._

_But most of all, Tiana's dead, lifeless eyes were staring at nowhere. But to Santana, she was staring right at her._

_Santana lets loose a blood-curling scream._

* * *

><p>"What's taking her so long?" Quinn asks Caleb. They were sitting on the couch, patiently waiting for Santana who told them that she had to go back to her room to get her sweater. Brittany, who was invited again for their everyday lunch thing is lounging on the recliner next to Quinn and Caleb. The guy shrugs. His eyes are closed, his head on Quinn's lap. Stress is written all over his face and he frankly, he wants nothing more than to rest. Brittany was in a similar position and Quinn thinks that both seriously had to take a day off. The silence is ringing.<p>

And the scream slices through the air, piercing their ears and wrenching their hearts.

Calebs eyes snap open and he nearly falls off the couch. Without hesitation, he hurls his body toward the direction of the scream, already dreading the image he would see. All annoyance and hunger disappears from Quinn's face and she follows Caleb, dragging a startled Brittany behind her. She needed something to anchor her because she's not so sure if she can handle what they were about to see. She not sure if she'll be able to stop herself from breaking down. She's not sure if she is strong enough to be the friend Santana needs.

"What's going on?" Brittany asks, confusion in her face. "Was that Santana?" Worry is evident in her voice and she was about to ask more questions when they reach Santana's bedroom door. Caleb bursts right in but Quinn hesitates, gripping Brittany's wrist a little harder. Brittany senses the gravity of the situation and she forcefully pushes back her questions and waits for Quinn to lead them inside.

Caleb's entire being fills with dread for his friend when he saw her on the floor, curled up in a tight ball. He takes one glance at the picture of Santana and Tiana and then at the girl who seemed to want to disappear completely from this world. He drops on his knees, taking Santana in his arms. Quinn appears right beside him, her eyes raking through the Latina's body to check if there were physical injuries. Brittany stands beside them, shell-shocked. She thinks that she's never seen anyone appear so broken before and her heart breaks for Santana.

"Make it stop, make it stop, make it stop… T. Oh God, stop. Stop. St-…" Santana could not even finish the word when the sob rips out of her throat. Caleb pulls her tighter in his arms.

"Shh, it's okay. San. San, it's okay. You're okay." Caleb whispers. "Q? Can you help me get Santana to the couch? Brittany? I'm so sorry you have to see this but can you ready the couch for us?" Brittany snaps out of her daze and nods dumbly, grabbing a pillow and Santana's blanket from her bed. Caleb gathers Santana, lifting her as he pushes himself up. Quinn is there to steady them and they make their way to the couch where Brittany is frantically setting everything in order.

It takes a while, but Santana finally cries herself to sleep. Quinn and Brittany are in the kitchen when Caleb finally manages to untangle himself from the devastated Latina. Quinn looks up immediately and is in his arms before Caleb can offer her a small smile.

"How is she?" she asks, her voice muffled by his t-shirt. Caleb puts his shaking arms around her, traumatized by what just happened.

"She's resting now." Brittany moves forward and hesitantly opens her mouth to ask a question.

"I'm sorry, I have no idea what's going on but is Santana going to be okay?" Caleb and Quinn hold on to each other for a few more seconds, drawing strength from each other this time for the girl who did not deserve to be thrown in the middle of the incident. Quinn reaches for the other blonde's hands and her lips quiver when Brittany squeezes by instinct.

"We honestly don't know, Brittany."

* * *

><p>Brittany is standing in the balcony. The rain is pouring and she is soaked to the bone. But she couldn't care less. As a matter of fact it's the last thing in her mind. Tears are pouring down her face, mingling with the cold droplets of rain, creating the façade that she was simply looking up at the cloudy skies.<p>

"_Santana doesn't have a family anymore. She lost them to a fire, a year and a half ago. I took her in, I couldn't let her be alone after what had happened to her."_

"_I met Santana in a bar downtown. She was trying to drink herself to death and when I got her home to Quinn, that's when she broke down. I've been friends with them ever since. Santana's face twisted by an agony I will never understand was burned in my head. I just knew that she needed somebody and though she does have Quinn, I wanted to be there. I wanted to help in any way I can."_

"_You don't know how much we've told her that. But she says she doesn't need anyone – that she'll be fine. But here we are, a year and a half later, and she's getting worse."_

"_I usually do things I regret afterwards but inviting you over for lunch the first time isn't one of those. I don't know why but she seems to relax whenever you're around. It's rare to see her smile and believe me when I say that I'm ready to jump in the air with joy when she chuckles."_

"_We may be asking too much from you, Brittany since we've known each other for less than a week but from now on, can you be there when we're meeting up for lunch or when Caleb and I can't make it?"_

"_I don't know, Britt. But you being there is definitely a good thing so just be there, I guess."_

Brittany had accepted the offer, Santana's terrified brown eyes plastered in her mind. She immediately understood why Caleb couldn't stay away and mind his own business. When she first met Santana, her eyes were guarded, wary, exhausted. It made her want to get to know her better. It made her want to understand why. And then after lunch, her heart fluttered when she met her eyes and noticed that suddenly, they were soft but sad. It made her want to reach out and take the girl in the circle of her arms. The want made her feel weird and she brushed the thought aside. And then just hours ago, she was introduced to another Santana. Brown eyes were wide, terrified, and Brittany thought she could almost see the fire that she was seeing. It shook her to the core and that's why here she is now, crying for someone she barely knew.

Santana's ordeal not only broke her heart but it was able to plant something deep within Brittany. It makes her want to make everything better for Santana. It makes her want to do exactly what Caleb told her to do: to be there for her. The desire to fix Santana is overwhelming and Brittany thinks it's ridiculous and illogical. After she got back from Quinn's house, she tried to make sense of the tingling feeling in her stomach telling her that she's not where she's supposed to be. But now, standing in the rain, tears pouring for a person she hardly knew, Brittany decides that nothing else matters other than the fact that she _needed_ to be there for Santana. And that may she be _damned_ if she's perfectly capable of doing something for the brunette but she was too much of an idiot to not do anything.

Through the tears in Brittany's eyes, piercing and blue pools spots the sun peeking behind a massive gray cloud giving off the first ray of sunlight after the storm. She wanted to be that ray and so much more for Santana.

It's completely illogical, irrational, and for some, stupid. But the fire's already burning in her eyes, driving her entire being to reach out before it's too late.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know this chapter is comparably shorter than the others but so far it's been the most difficult to write. The experience was terrifying and painful and gosh, please please tell me what you think. I'm begging here.**

**Brittana (they're soulmates),**

**theangel1710**


	4. Chapter 4: Living By Dying

**Chapter 4: Living By Dying**

Santana's eyes crack open. Her head is pounding and her eyelids feel like they're protesting. Slowly, but surely, Santana's mind begins to register things. For one, she's on the couch. Santana blinks, trying to clear her vision. She tries to remember how she got there in the first place but her head's really pounding, so she stops. A voice startles her out of her sleepy haze and her eyes shoot open.

"Hey, it's good to see you're awake." Caleb's face swim to clarity and suddenly, everything comes back to her. Lunch, sweater, room, closet, picture. Oh God, _picture_. Quinn, who is behind Caleb sees the color drain from Santana's face and she rushes forward to cup her friend's face. Brown eyes are looking at her but Quinn knows that she doesn't see her. She knew that she's on her way back to her own personal hell.

"No, Santana. San, look at me." She whispers, soft but firm. Caleb moves to drop a hand on her shoulder, shaking her slightly. Santana doesn't respond. The screams are starting. She has to go back. She has to—

"Santana Lopez. Look. At. Me." And the screams stop. She closes her eyes, forcing herself to go back to reality, forcing herself to remember where she should be. When she opens her eyes again, Quinn is staring right back at her and she sighs in relief. Quinn lets go of her face and sits beside her.

"Hi." Santana says weakly. Judging from the recently dried tear tracts on Quinn's face and the way Caleb is hovering beside her as if waiting for something to happen, she knows that it's _really_ bad this time. Noticing that someone is absent from the party, dread fills her. "Brittany?"

"She went home about half an hour ago." Caleb answers, his voice tight and controlled.

"Did she – Was she here when - …" This time, Quinn nods and Santana puts her face in her hands.

"We told her everything." Too tired to be in shock, the only indication that Santana heard was when her shoulders sag.

"I should apologize." She mutters. Brittany, innocent, _happy_ Brittany does not deserve to be burdened.

"No, you need to get some help."

"Professional help." Caleb adds to Quinn's statement. This time, Santana processes her fear for anger. She stands up, abruptly.

"No."

"Santana…" Quinn says, wary of the brunette's reaction. Santana is shaking her head, her fists clenched.

"No."

"You know you're not getting any better, Santana." Caleb's voice did not waver even when Santana glared at him. He stands up, ready to fight.

"I don't need anyone."

"Fuck that. You _need_ to live a life. And that's why you _need _to get help."

"If you haven't noticed, Librea, I have a life. A goddamned shit of a life. I function, don't I? I'm breathing, I can process whatever shit comes out of your mouth, and I'm still the best lawyer in this town." Santana spats out coldly. Caleb takes a step forward, ignoring the way Santana snarls warning him to back off.

"Oh I noticed. I also noticed that you scream and thrash and cry like a baby over a fucking picture." Caleb is pinning her with a glare. He's not mocking her, Santana realizes. He's angry. Angry that he can't do anything. Angry that _she _won't do anything. _But_ _hell_, he doesn't understand.

"Fuck you." She grinds out through her teeth. "You don't understand."

"I'm not a psychic Santana. And I didn't lose my family in a fire. Of fucking course, I don't understand. But what I do understand, Lopez, is that you can't live your entire life like this. If you don't want to do it for yourself, then do it for Quinn. For me. For _Brittany_." Caleb states, voice hard at first and then softens when Santana looks away from him.

"What does she have to do with this? She barely knows me. _I_ barely know her. I don't even know her birthday!" Santana exclaims, exasperated.

"May 17." Santana gaps at him and he shrugs his shoulders. "Company throws a party for important staff."

"Are you two done spewing out profanities at each other?" Caleb and Santana jumps at Quinn's voice, forgetting she was there in the first place. Her arms are crossed and she is glaring at them with an intensity that would have killed a person.

"I still think she needs to get help." Santana only glares at him as she follows his lead to take a sit on either side of Quinn.

"Shut up." She says. To an outsider, the trio looked like someone just died in front of them. Finally, Quinn sighs.

"Santana, Caleb's right. No, both of you shut the hell up." She adds as Santana opens her mouth to protest and Caleb open's his to rub it in her face. Their jaws snap shut at hearing Quinn say something so close to a swear.

"Caleb, what you said a while ago was way out of line." She turns to Santana. "And you, we may not understand. But please understand our position here. It's not easy to watch you ruin your life, Santana. It's not easy to wake up hours after you did and knowing that you had a bad night while I slept with my head in the freaking clouds."

"Then what do you propose I do? I'm not going to some shrink's office." Quinn sighs.

"At least spend some time with Brittany."

"What does she have to do with this?" She repeats her previous question.

"She wants to help Santana. When we told her your circumstances, she looked like she was gonna cry. Let her help." Quinn says. She notices the way Santana grimaced and instantly knew that there was more to this than her classic "I don't need anyone" excuse. "Why won't you let her?" Santana remains quiet.

"Santana? Tell us." Quinn says and Santana knows that she isn't about to give up so she sighs, her eyes turning from hard to downcast.

"Can't you see her, Q? She's _happy_. I can't do that to her." Quinn's eyes soften.

"And?" She prompts.

"I can't hurt her. I can't make her miserable." There, she said it. Caleb snickers.

"Oh, so you _do_ care about her. Geez Lopez, it's only been less than a week and you've got your ass smitten." It was an effort to try and lighten the mood but all he receives is a slap to the back of his head from Quinn and death glare from Santana.

"Seriously though. You're lighter around her. Spending some time with her will probably do you good." Caleb amends.

"But I barely know her!" Santana says, exasperated.

"Then get to know her!" Quinn retaliates. "She wants to help Santana. Maybe her life is the exact opposite of yours. But maybe that's why you have to let her help. You have to find out why you're still alive instead of moping around wishing you were dead." Santana rubs the bridge of her nose. She doesn't want to this. Brittany deserves better. She doesn't deserve her.

"Santana, it's either a psychiatrist or Brittany. For now, that is." Santana grimaces knowing that the argument regarding her being forced to a shrink's office isn't over yet. She slumps back to the couch, closing her eyes.

"Ugh, fine, ruin Blondie's life it is."

"Hey!" Quinn protests.

"Other Blondie, Q."

"I know, I'm just happy you finally agreed to something."

"You _forced_ me to agree to something." Santana deadpans and Caleb laughs. Santana turns to him. "You laugh way too much."

"And you don't laugh. So I'm making up for it."

Santana wonders why she was so cursed that she actually thinks that he makes sense.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, honey. How'd you sleep last night?" Mrs. Pierce greets her eldest with a smile. Brittany is walking down the stairs, taking at least fifteen seconds with each step.<p>

"Mmm. Great." It's Monday and Brittany spent half of her weekend catching up with her family. It was fun and relaxing – a nice change from all the days of work she'd been having. During the day, she spent most of her time telling her family stories about her work and the city. In the night, Brittany would think about Santana, wondering if she was sleeping or if she's dreaming bad dreams again. Miles away from the buzz of the city and in the dead of the night, Brittany had whispered a quiet 'good night' to Santana with the silent hope for sweet dreams to visit her.

"Breakfast is on the table. We already ate. Your father had to leave early for work and Annie has classes. They told me to tell you they love you though before they left." Mrs. Pierce gestures to the plate of bacon and eggs (Brittany's favorite) on the table beside her where she was reading the entertainment side of the newspaper.

"Thanks, Mom." Mrs. Pierce only smiles to her daughter returning to her newspaper. They sit in comfortable silence, each soaking up with the familiarity of the feeling of safety and all things family.

_Family_.

It was the one thing that Santana didn't have. In all honesty, Brittany admires her for having gotten this far. For her, it hurt when she had to leave her family to follow her dream and she could only imagine and know that she's nowhere close to the pain Santana must be feeling to continue to live in a world where her only family was in the comfort of her friends.

Mrs. Pierce feels the atmosphere shift from content to melancholy. She sneaks a glance and sees her daughter in deep thought. She waits for to open up. It's always been like this with Brittany. She thanks the motherly instincts inside her that enabled her to impart to her that they can talk about anything under the sun.

"Mom?" Mrs. Pierce smiles inside.

"Yes?"

"What did it feel like when you lost granny?" Brittany is looking at her like she's trying to understand something. Mrs. Pierce sighs, the ghost of the pain clenching her heart slightly. She was young when it her mom was taken away from her. And even until now, she missed her.

"Why do you ask, Britt?" Brittany suddenly turns bashful as if she doesn't know either.

"Well, I want to help a friend of mine. She's kind of alone. But I don't know how to help her when I don't even have an idea of what she's going through." Mrs. Pierce smiles softly at her daughter.

"When your grandmother died, it hurt so bad that I often cried myself to sleep. At first, I was in denial. I didn't want to accept that I had lost my mother. And then, I met your dad. Yes, sometimes I still feel sad and I miss her so much that I feel like crying again. But your dad was always there. He would sit with me and pull me in his arms and we wouldn't say anything until I fall asleep. When I wake up, I feel happier, light. As if someone carried half of my sadness away from my shoulders. Your dad did that for me." Mrs. Pierce fiddles with the ring on her finger.

"Was it hard?"

"It was really hard, honey. But it becomes easier when you have somebody who's eager to catch you when you fall." Brittany's face lights up in understanding, but a sad smile is adorning her features and her eyes are lit with doubt.

"I – I don't know if I can do what dad did." Mrs. Pierce reaches for her daughter's hand, squeezing it.

"I know you can. But you have to be strong for this friend of yours. And you have to want, to _need _to help this person. It's going to be hard for you and for her. But you just have to think that you don't want your friend to be alone and you have to tell her that so she knows that you're there for her, no matter what."

"I do want to help her! She's so broken and alone, Mom. It hurt to see how she was after one of her nightmares. I don't even know how she can live like that. I can't even imagine being without you guys." Tears are building in the corner of her eyes and Mrs. Pierce scoots closer to comb her hand through Brittany's blonde hair.

"Be strong, dear. You may not know how it feels like. Her friends may not know either. But she needs friends right now more than ever. She needs someone like you." Brittany smiles a little. "You know, I'd like to meet this friend of yours. What was her name again?"

"Santana."

"Well, I'd like to meet Santana who got my girl to be so big and mature." Brittany blushes and Mrs. Pierce chuckles. "Maybe you can bring her over the next time you visit. She's more than welcome to stay here if ever."

"Thanks, Mom. For everything. I love you."

"I love you too."

As Brittany says her goodbyes to her mom and gives promises of coming back soon, she hugs her mom a little tighter.

* * *

><p>Santana doesn't know what the hell she's doing at Brittany's doorstep at 10 o' clock in the evening. But her she was, waiting like her life depended on it. Caleb had told her that Brittany was due back tonight from her family. For some reason, Santana suddenly decided to jump in a cab and go to the address she forced out of Caleb.<p>

And Santana's still wondering why she decided to do so.

When a cab comes to a stop in front of her and she gets a glimpse of blue eyes and blonde hair, Santana's heart starts to pound against her chest. But she momentarily forgets her nervousness when Brittany spots her and instantly her face lights up with a smile. Santana raises her hand in a lame attempt of a wave and feels her face return the smile. It's weak but Santana's already thanking her stars just because it was there.

"Hey." Brittany says and without a second thought, she drops her duffel bag and hugs Santana like they've known each other since they were in their mothers' womb. The brunette tenses but after a few seconds of hesitation, she returns the hug, awkwardly placing her arms around the blonde's waist.

"Hi." Santana says as soon as they let go. "I'm sorry I'm here at this time." Brittany moves past her, inserting the key and opening her door.

"No, it's okay! You wanna come inside?" She steps aside to make room for Santana.

"Thank you." Santana says, quietly.

"Just make yourself at home. I'll just go shower and change." Brittany says but before she could move towards the stairs, Santana stops her.

"Wait." She says. Brittany looks at her, confused.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry." Santana's staring hard at her shoes before she gathers up the courage to look straight into Brittany's eyes. Santana feels the guilt well up inside her. She's so _innocent_. She remembers why this was a bad idea. She remembers why she shouldn't drag this beautiful blonde standing, her head cocked to the side, and being simply adorable with the shit she can't handle. Her fists clench beside her. She wasn't insane yet. She's perfectly aware that Brittany deserves better.

"What for?" Brittany watches Santana fumble for words and emotions flash in dark, brown, guarded eyes. The desire to know the Latina better overwhelms her.

"For last time. When I freaked out. I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to ruin your day like that. I can make it up to you. Would you like to have lunch with me on Friday? Quinn and Caleb are going somewhere on a date and I really don't like eating lunch alone. I promise I'll try hard not to scare you away." Santana doesn't know where the invite comes from. It wasn't part of the plan and her cheeks flare and she looks back down to her shoes. She hears Brittany laugh lightly and the familiar ease spreads through Santana like wild fire. Suddenly, she's in Brittany's arms again and she can't help but close her eyes and lean in to her comfort and think that she's never been happy about anyone being so touchy-feely.

"It's okay, silly! I was really worried about you though. Are you okay?" Brittany says against her ear.

"I've been better." Santana whispers her reply. It's been so damn long since someone held her like this. Quinn and Caleb's hugs were desperate but comforting all the same. Brittany's hug was different. It's everything Santana had yearned for. She doesn't dwell on the fact that the only thing she knows about this girl is her birthday, her love for ducks, and that she's an amazing dancer. For the first time in a very long time, she feels safe.

Santana almost whimpers when Brittany pulls away.

"I'd love to go to lunch with you on Friday. Do you want to stay? I'll make as both hot cocoa after I shower." Brittany's smiling softly at her.

"Sure." Santana says.

After Brittany left her to do her stuff, Santana instinctively moves to the couch. Now that she was able to spit out what she'd been dying to say all day, adrenaline left her and the exhaustion of the day is suddenly catching up with her. She sighs in relief as soon as her back hits the comfort of the couch.

And then she's terrified all over again.

Minutes later, Santana's eyes are dropping on their own accord and she's too tired to fight it off. Santana curses her life just before she surrenders to the pull of unconsciousness.

* * *

><p>Brittany has never showered this fast in her entire life. She's dry and clean in fifteen minutes and she had unpacked all her stuff in another ten. Coming back to her second home with Santana on her doorstep was a definite way to make her day. She knew it was weird to keep on hugging someone who was barely a friend, but Santana had looked so uncertain and weak on her doorstep that she just had to do it. And then a while ago, she had looked like she was hurting herself and she seemed so alone that she was back in her arms before she could comprehend what she was doing. Brittany had been moving purely on instinct and she doesn't regret it.<p>

But beside the happy feelings, she felt a little sad. The way Santana had leaned in to her only told her that she was lonely. She wanted to hold on a little longer but she was worried that Santana might think it's weird. Regardless, Brittany knows that she'd do it again without a second thought.

"Santana? Sorry I took so long, do you want a sandwich or anything? I can -…" Brittany stops short as she enters the living room. She tiptoes over to the sleeping Latina, smiling gently at the peaceful look on her face. She looked like nothing was wrong.

Brittany drops on the floor beside the couch, content on watching Santana sleep. She sees everything good in Santana. Her body is accentuated in all the right places. And right now, while she's sleeping, she looks like an angel to Brittany. But she couldn't care less if she was the ugliest person in the whole world. The walls the Latina had built around her heart and the guarded look in her eyes didn't matter to Brittany. Santana is lonely. And all Brittany wants to be in this very moment, is to make Santana trust in the knowledge that she's not going anywhere.

Minutes later, she watches her eyebrows scrunch up and worry fills Brittany. She waits. She thinks and hopes that maybe she's just frowning at something in her dream. But when Santana pales slightly, Brittany knows better.

She reaches out to Santana, caressing her face. She uses her other hand to comb through dark hair and feels relief when Santana relaxes slowly.

"You're not alone." Brittany whispers against her ear, wishing that somehow, it will help. And it does. The tension in her face leaves. And the skin beneath Brittany's palm regains its normal temperature. It takes a while and a few more repetition of the statement and Santana's back to looking peaceful. Brittany hopes with everything she has that Santana's away from the clutches of her fears.

She grabs her phone in her pocket and sends out a quick message to Quinn telling her that Santana was with her and that she might have to pick her up. Her phone buzzes almost as soon as she sends the message. Quinn'll be here in thirty minutes.

Brittany watches Santana again and this time she sees what life did to her. Brittany looks at the bags under Santana's eyes and the exhaustion obvious on her face. She trails her finger over Santana's thin arm and her eyes rake her frail body. She feels her heart clench at the pure sorrow and agony manifested by her body. She doesn't know Santana. But she does know that Santana's not too bad a person to deserve such a life.

Brittany hooks her pinky against Santana and revels in the feeling of being a perfect fit.

"You'll never be alone again. I'll always be here. I promise."

* * *

><p>Quinn bursts through Brittany's front door, a little over thirty minutes later. She'd knocked three times and when there was still no answer, she worries her ass off, thinking something must have happened.<p>

Nothing could have ever prepared her for the sight that greeted her.

Santana was fast asleep on the couch, looking like she was dreaming something good for a change. On the floor beside her, her head on her arms and her pinky holding Santana's, Brittany was asleep looking just as peaceful.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I'm sorry for all the mistakes in this chapter, I really didn't have time to edit this. But please, tell me what you think? Also, thank you for all your reviews. :) Same to those who favorited and put this story on alert. I love you guys.**

**Brittana is perfect,**

**theangel1710**


	5. Chapter 5: Companionable Tranquility

**Chapter 5: Companionable Tranquility**

"QUINNNN!"

The scream startles Quinn who was in the kitchen, humming a tune to herself. Her heart jumpstarts and she falls flat on her butt. She grunts, before racing to where the scream came from, her mind going on overdrive. She curses, trying to ready herself for the sight of a broken person she knows she's going to see.

Just as she rounds the corner, a body slams into her and she falls back on her butt a second time for the last thirty seconds.

"I'm late!" Santana screeches in front of her. Quinn cracks her eyes open, and she sees Santana, not in tears or looking like she was dropped off to hell and was sent back, but in her work pants and a bra. But before she could react and point it out to the Latina, she was on her way to the front door and was out of it.

In her pants and bra.

Oh shit. Quinn scrambles to her feet, her brain disoriented.

"SANTANA!" She calls. She moves to reach for the doorknob when the door suddenly flies open, effectively smacking her hand away, hitting her nose, and making her fall back on her butt. Again.

"OH MY GOD, I THINK I JUST KILLED THE MOWER GUY NEXT DOOR." Santana says, her eyes wide not with terror or panic or craze but with amusement. The mower guy had always irritated her since he wouldn't stop trimming the grass even if there's nothing to mow anymore. Santana then notices Quinn who is on the floor, wincing in pain and rubbing her butt.

"Q, what the hell are you doing on the floor?" She asks, totally unaware of the wide open door and the view the neighbors were getting and the ruckus she just caused in under ten minutes.

"Could you please close the goddamn door? AND IF I FALL ON MY ASS AGAIN, I SWEAR TO GOD I'M GOING TO SLICE YOUR BARELY COVERED BOOBS! And fuck, Santana, I think you freaking broke my nose!" says Quinn. Santana turns only to find a guy in a car staring at her chest. Santana winks and kicks the door close. She hears a car crash into the garbage cans soon after.

"You're evil, Satan." Quinn says, smirking. Santana returns the smirk easily, feeling lighter for the first time in forever.

"I know. Now seriously, I am late and you look stupid down there." Santana says, earning a glare from Quinn.

"THIS IS YOUR FAULT!" She points to her bleeding nose, exasperated. "I have a meeting with my boss later and you just had to go and ruin my NOSE!" She accepts Santana's apologetic hand and lets her pull her up. "And you are NOT late. For the love of bacon, Santana, it's only seven-thirty!" Santana looks at her stunned and then Quinn watches the realization dawn in her eyes.

"I… Well, I'm sorry if I'm not used to waking up any time before three in the morning!" She says defensively.

"Ugh, you know what, go make yourself presentable. We're going out for breakfast."

"Why do we have to go out for breakfast?"

"Because you'll kill yourself the moment I stand in front of the stove." Quinn quips. Santana smacks her forehead.

"Oh. Right." She says and Quinn watches her saunter off to her bedroom. She chuckles.

If only every morning was like this one, then she wouldn't mind falling on her ass a thousand times.

* * *

><p>Brittany walks through the glass doors of the dance studio, a smile on her face and her blue eyes shining with excitement. Dancing has always been the best part of her day and every time she sets foot in the dance studio, she can't help but grin in excitement. But more than that, the fact that last night she was able to help Santana had lightened up her spirits. Quinn had to wake her up and she had blushed and stuttered trying to explain to her that she wasn't doing anything to Santana.<p>

"_S-Sorry. I swear I didn't do anything to her. I wasn't being a stalker o-or whatever. I promise!" Quinn smiles before pulling the nervous girl into her arms. _

"_I'm pretty sure you just gave her good night's rest for the first time in a long time. Thank you." Quinn says. Brittany blushes, a goofy smile on her face._

_Santana was deeply asleep that even when Brittany carried her to Quinn's car, she never woke up fully. Just before she untangled herself from the half asleep brunette, Santana unconsciously gropes around until finally, her pinky locates Brittany's. She grips it a little tighter and mumbles a quick "thanks". Brittany's heart doesn't stop hammering in her chest even after Quinn and Santana was long gone._

"Hey, Brittany!" a man in his mid-twenties waves at her.

"Hey, Jake."

"Hi, Britt!"

"Morning, Mrs. M!" Brittany bends to the child holding her mother's hand. "Hi, Abby." Abby smiles at her even though her front teeth are missing. Brittany chuckles before moving to meet her smirking secretary.

Mike shakes his head as he watches Brittany move with grace, effectively setting an atmosphere of awe in the studio. He smirks knowing Brittany has probably no idea of the effect she has on people.

"Good morning, Brittany." He says.

"Hey, Mike." Brittany graces him with her award-winning smile. "What do you have for me today?"

"Hmmm, lemme see. You're smiling awfully bright today. I take it something good happened with Sarah?" Mike shuffles through the schedules and finds today's date.

"Santana." Brittany corrects, all the while blushing. Mike laughs.

"So. Did you kiss her with everything you have and told her all night long that you won't leave her in like, _ever_?" Brittany smacks him on the arm. "Ow!"

"No, I didn't!" Mike smiles at the look of pure happiness shining in her blue eyes. He hopes for this person he'd heard so much from Brittany, that she be strong enough to break the ice surrounding the Latina's walls.

"Right, you have Rachel Berry's back up dancers for the ballet parts, a bunch of newbies, and…" Mike's face loses the smile and a scowl replaces it. Brittany watches the change and she sighs.

"…and Mason's group." Brittany finishes, running a hand through her blonde hair. "Maybe he'll be nice today." Mike scoffs.

"Oh, he'll be nice alright. Nice enough to get you in bed, at least. Seriously, with all his inappropriate touching and shit that comes out of his mouth, you can probably sue him for attempted rape. Or at least, make it grounds for kicking him off the group." Mike says, obviously hating the guy.

"I can't do that." Brittany flinches at the glare Mike is throwing at her.

"Sure you can. But you _won't_." Mike says. They've had this argument before especially when Mason _accidentally_ slipped a thigh in between her legs and his hands _accidentally grazed_ her breasts. Mike, being the good friend he was, had thrown him out while Brittany was content in glaring at him. The next day he came back, insincerely apologizing to Brittany and spewing out promises of never doing it again. Of course, it repeated many more times but she would never kick him out.

"I can't do that to him. I can't take away his job." Mike sighs. He wonders if he could get away with murder with Brittany. He bets his ass he can.

"Whatever. I know you know this but just in case, I'm going to remind you. If he pulls out his crap more than usual today, _I_ am kicking him out." Brittany smiles at him, a grateful look in her eyes.

"Thanks, Mike. I have to go, it's almost time for rehearsals." Mike waves her off and she laughs heartily, moving past him and into the changing room, ready for what the day has in store for her.

* * *

><p>Santana zombie-walks to the restaurant where she, Quinn, and Brittany where supposed to have lunch. Sleep last night was the best bets thing that ever happened to her since <em>forever<em>. For once, she wanted to stay asleep and so, getting up was a pain in the ass. Today, smiles were easily delivered and energy went out faster than what she had expected. Coffee, her number one idol, was missing in her system and apparently, the lack of the brown, rich, and creamy substance resulted to her losing her enthusiasm for the today faster than usual (not that she had more enthusiasm during the days before this wonderful day).

There has been something off with her today. Even now, as she tries to keep herself upright, the discomfort in her right hand is enough to be annoying. Her _hand _is searching for something and Santana can't quite figure what it was her fingers are searching for. Last night is a bit vague in her memory and all she could remember was passing out on the couch and the word "promise". Brittany might have whispered something to her but Santana pushes it out of her mind; it's just too much to hope for.

"You don't get sleep and you look half-dead. But then, you get a beauty sleep and you still look dead. It's either you're really set on living your life looking half-dead or you just can't handle looking like a _normal_ person." Quinn says as soon as she flops down on the vacant seat. Santana rolls her eyes and puts her head on her arms.

"Caleb's not going to make it. A meeting 'popped out of nowhere'. And those were his exact words." Quinn informs her. Santana scoffs and mumbles her reply.

"I bet his secretary told him but he was too busy staring at your picture on his laptop to actually hear anything other than the sound of your annoying voice going on replay in his retarded head." Quinn blushes and whacks the mess of brown hair that was Santana's head. "OW!" Santana shoots up, rubbing the back of her head.

"Bitch. You deserved that." Quinn says, smirking at the pained expression on Santana's face. The Latina childishly sticks a tongue out to Quinn and Brittany walks just in time to witness it.

"AWWW." Brittany gushes, gracefully sitting down on the vacant seat in front of her. She proceeds to poke Santana's cheek which was flushed at having been caught doing something that doesn't suit her character. "Hey Q! San, you're adorable." Brittany tells her, giggling at Santana's embarrassment.

Quinn watches the pair's interaction and she feels a sense of pride that these two are her friends. She watches Santana blush uncharacteristically and Brittany giggles happily. Santana's eyes are sparkling. It was small, but Quinn's just happy that it's there. There's something different with the two and somehow, she's sure that it had something to do with last night. Santana barely remembers anything but it was clear that her body and her heart remembered. Her shoulders are relaxed, the usual panic missing. She's smiling slightly and though she and probably Brittany can tell that she's not used to feeling this calm and relaxed and content, they feel a surge of relief – relief that Santana's not in pain.

"My stomach's like growling at me to feed it. Let's order!" Brittany says enthusiastically while waving over a waiter.

"So, favorite things, people, or animals. Go." Brittany says as soon as the waiter went off. Quinn raises an eyebrow, a playful smile on her lips.

"Hmmm. Dress, dogs, and babies." She answers before taking a sip from her glass of water.

"And Caleb." Brittany confidently adds. Quinn chokes, and Santana's smirking at her after giving Brittany a high-five. "Santana?" Brittany's looking at Santana expectantly, ignoring Quinn's flustered state.

"It's a secret." Santana teases Brittany. In truth, she feels hesitant on letting someone get to know her better. Trusting someone enough to let them in her life and then losing them is something she can't go through again. But then again, Brittany's pouting at her and all Santana can think of is how much she hates that look.

"Pleeeease?" Brittany's looking right in her eyes, seeing the fear peeking amidst brown pools. Her heart flutters when Santana chuckles, shaking her head.

"Jeans, dogs, and myself."

"And Brittany." Quinn quips, recognizing the opportunity to get back to Santana in front of her. Santana's eyes bulge out of their sockets and she's glaring at Quinn with an intensity that would have made a grown man beg for forgiveness. Brittany blushes and Santana doesn't see the twinkle of glee reflected by her eyes. Quinn bursts out laughing at their embarrassment.

"Relax, guys. Kidding here." She says in between laughs. Brittany glances at Santana gauging her reaction. She's still glaring at Quinn but a sense of relief fills her when she notices the look of amusement on the Latina's face.

"Brittany?" a male voice suddenly bursts their bubble and three pairs of eyes take in a guy in his mid-twenties, arrogant face, lean body, and unkempt hair. Santana instantly hates the person for some reason.

"Oh, hey, Mason." Santana hears the small falter in Brittany's voice and sees the way the Brittany seemed to take interest on the guy's chest, trying to avoid his eyes. Mason notices and pushes out his chest, his white shirt showing off the firm muscles underneath. Santana's blood boils.

"Like what you see?" Mason says, a smirk on his face. Beside Santana, Quinn makes gagging noises. Mason outright ignore Santana and Quinn. "Why don't you come with me and I'll show you my apartment? I'm lonely in my bedroom. I could use company." At this point, Quinn doesn't miss the killing intent waving off of Santana. Mason doesn't seem to notice and Quinn feels a slight desire to slice his head off.

"Uhh, no thanks. I'm kind of in the middle of eating lunch with my friends." Brittany gestures to Santana and Quinn. The guy doesn't even glance at them.

"Oh come on. You can eat something at my place. And I promise it's gonna be good." Mason winks at her. He makes a move to touch Brittany's arm.

The sound of a slap echoes through the restaurant. Quinn looks smug, retracting her hand and Santana's standing in front of Brittany, her right hand twisting Mason's entire left arm. Brittany looks dumbfounded and frozen in shock.

"What the fuck, you crazy bitches!" Mason says, trying unsuccessfully to free his tortured arm from the surprisingly strong grasp of the Latina.

"You should have listened to her the first time she told you to back off." Santana growls out. Quinn fists a hand into his hair and he yelps in pain. She moves to stand beside Quinn, effectively shielding Brittany.

"Now, why don't you go back to your lovely apartment and entertain yourself?" Quinn says, coolly. "I'm sure your hand can satisfy you enough." She's forcing him to look at them and Mason looks like he's close to tears.

"Now listen." Santana says through gritted teeth. "The next time you get the balls, that is assuming you even have balls, to talk or even _look_ at Brittany, keep it in your shit you call a brain that I sure as hell _will_ slice off your penis, again assuming you have one, and force you to eat it." Santana moves close. "And I am perfectly capable of doing that." Santana hisses.

"Security!" Quinn doesn't let go of his hair even as she calls for someone to kick the guy out. The whole restaurant is watching the scene and it takes a few seconds before guards come rushing. Quinn lets go. But Santana's still twisting the arm until Mason's entire body buckle and he's on his knees in front of the Latina. The guards don't quite know what to do, eyeing Santana warily.

"San!" Brittany's voice breaks through Santana's frenzied state. Brittany gets up from her sit and places a hand on Santana's shoulder. She nuzzles her face against the brunette's neck and Santana's hold on Mason falters. "I'm okay. Let the guards take him out." She whispers soothingly against brown skin. Quinn moves to touch Santana's arm.

"Let him go. He's not worth anything." She says, glaring steadily at Mason. Santana lets go of him, looking up to the guards and mutters a tight but sincere "thank you". The security guards nod before dragging Mason out.

Brittany, as if realizing that she was invading Santana's personal space, steps back, looking down at the ground bashfully. Santana turns around, the rage all but gone from her face.

"B? Are you okay?" Brittany's heart stops ten staggers to a jog at the nickname and the worry evident in her voice. She shuffles her feet, shy but grateful. She looks up to meet brown eyes shining with worry and a trace of rage and of something Brittany doesn't quite know what. Quinn's looking at them, protective but guiding.

"Yeah. Thanks, San. Thanks, Q." Santana lets out a sigh of relief, running hand through her dark hair. Quinn moves to sit back down and Santana and Brittany follows.

"I haven't done that in a long time." Quinn says. Santana chuckles.

"I think the last time I wanted to break someone's arm that bad was when a jock threw a slushie on my face." Santana turns to Brittany. "Who was that _jerk_?" Santana asks and Brittany's expression turns into something akin to exasperation and mild irritation.

"He's a guy I teach at the dance club. He's a really good dancer but a friend of mine, Mike, says that he just wants to get me to do wet dances for him. There was one time when Mike had to kick him out because he was being inappropriate. But he promised never to do it again, so yeah." Quinn scoffs.

"The studio's under Caleb, right?" Santana says as calmly as she can though inside she wanted nothing more than to decapitate the guy.

"Yep." Brittany says, eyeing Santana.

"What exactly are you planning to do, Satan?" Quinn asks, an evil smile on her face telling Santana that she knows exactly what the brunette is scheming.

"I'm going to do what I do best. Give hell to those who deserve it." Santana says and Brittany sighs before chuckling. The food arrives and all three instantly look like they haven't eaten in days.

Lunch continues on a lighter note and they decide to walk around the town for a while before going home. Of course, Brittany drags them to the duck pond and Santana and Quinn watches her gush over the ducks.

Santana feels absolutely content and satisfied. But as she watches Brittany bend over the pond trying to get the ducks to come to her, the Latina feels lonely. Brittany's every bit as bright as the sun and as clear as sky. She's the perfect image of a happy person – a person of the light. She, however, is the exact opposite of Brittany. She's a person lost in the dark – a person of pain. Brittany would never hurt someone. But Santana would kill for the people she loves. Santana laughs bitterly inside as she looks up at the heavens, cursing her life for not even letting her have someone.

After all, Santana knows that she can't be with Brittany. She can't drag her down to her hell. She can't.

"You're being depressing again." Quinn whispers, squeezing her shoulder.

"Can't help it. It's kind of what I'm bound to do." Santana says, giving Quinn a sad smile before returning her gaze back to Brittany. Quinn follows her line of sight and her eyes soften.

"You know, maybe it's time for you to get up and find your way back." Santana looks at her, confused. "Let her _guide_ you." Before Santana can utter a reply, Quinn's walking away from her and crouching down next to Brittany. They giggle and laugh and Santana feels lonelier than ever.

"San?" Brittany's looking at her, her excitement apparent on her face. Quinn is smiling encouragingly at her and the brunette takes a step forward.

"Yeah?"

"Duckie wanted me to tell you something." Brittany straightens up and moves toward Santana. She can see the void in Santana's eyes and the blonde wishes that somehow, someday, she'll be able to fill that void.

"Oh?" Santana raises an eyebrow.

"He wanted me to tell you that you deserve to be happy too and that you're not alone and that someday, you're gonna be okay." Brittany's voice rings with sincerity. Santana eyes tear and a piece of her heart heals a little. She feels Brittany hook her pinky into hers and it automatically curls around the finger.

_Promise_.

Quinn stands up from her place on the ground, dusting off the earth from her green dress.

"Mama Duckie wanted me to tell you something too." Quinn says, moving to grab Santana's other hand. "She says you needed to stop being a bitch." The three of them burst out laughing and Santana gives it her all and feels it with everything she has.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I know it's been so long since I updated. I'm so so sorry. It's the first week of classes here and there's been so much to do. I'm sorry. **

**This chapter may feel like it's filler but it's an attempt to lighten up the mood in preparation for well… it's a secret. ;) It's the unholy trinity people! So, tell me what you think? The reviews on the last chapter was amazing. Thank you so much.**

**Brittana (ship's not sinking. Ever.),**

**theangel1710**


	6. Chapter 6: Falling

**Chapter 6: Falling**

Friday rolled around faster than what Santana had expected. Before she knew it, she was back to living her old life. Nightmares came back full force and this time, the screams would continue long after she cracks her eyes open, coming back to a reality no better than her nightmares. It felt like something is taking revenge on her for having a dreamless sleep for one night. Something's trying to remind her that this hell is her life.

"Yo, Lopez, we on for tonight?" Puck says, his voice soft so as not to startle her. Their hearings had just ended and they were free from lunch onwards. Santana stands beside him, fixing paperwork and trying not to fall asleep. She looks up with tired eyes and though Puck would never admit it, the look in her eyes – the lack of life – scares him more than the thought of death. She gives him a sheepish smile and Puck cringes at how it looked like smiling was painful.

"Uhm, I kind of have a date with this girl for lunch and I'm not sure if she has plans for tonight." Santana feels her heart flutter slightly at the thought of a certain blonde. She shrugs it off. She fights the feeling.

"Bring her along then!"

"No."

"Why not?" Puck's smirking at her and Santana sighs.

"I don't want her to meet you." She deadpans. The mohawked guy laughs loudly.

"Oh come on, Santana! It's not like I'm going to steal her from you!" Santana grimaces. Why is it that everyone thinks that she likes Brittany? Okay, maybe she does. A little bit. But she's not that obvious, is she?

"No."

"At least ask her!" Puck's pouting now and Santana hates nothing more than grown men pouting.

"No."

"First round's on me."

"No."

"I'll buy you a dance."

"No."_ I don't need one, you idiot. She's a dancer!_

"I won't ask you out for a week." Santana's raises her eyebrows, the idea of walking through the halls of the firm without Puck trying to get her to agree to a date or to let him in her pants was appealing.

"Two weeks." Puck's jaw drops open, but there's a smirk on his face.

"Fine. Deal." He holds out his hand and Santana reluctantly extends hers. "Same time, then?" Santana turns his back on him and waves him off. Puck chuckles heartily.

On the outside, Puck may be the kind of guy who doesn't settle. He may be the kind of guy who would spend every night of his life in a strip club if he could. He may be the kind of guy who mocks the concept of love – the guy who can't quite voice out his feelings. But if anyone wanted to know why he wanted the tradition of drinking on Friday nights to continue with Santana, he'd stare them down and say:

"It's the only time she allows herself to cry."

* * *

><p>"Hey." Caleb greets Quinn as soon as she enters his car. He knows he's probably smiling like an idiot right now but he couldn't care less.<p>

"Hi." Quinn flashes him a smile.

"How was your day?"

"Same as always. Yours?" Quinn watches Caleb's grin grow impossibly wider

"It's going to be the best day of my life." He replies, eyes twinkling.

"Future tense?" Quinn raises an eyebrow.

"Yup. My day started when I saw your face. And I can tell, today's going to be great." Quinn blushes and she finds herself grateful that Caleb has to concentrate on the road.

* * *

><p>"Hi, sorry I'm late." Brittany bounces to meet her. They're standing outside their usual restaurant and Brittany's stomach is filled with butterflies.<p>

"'S okay. Let's go in before we lose sits." They move to the restaurant and luckily, they get a table at the less populated spot in the restaurant.

"I have a question." Brittany says as soon as they settled and ordered. Santana looks at her, curious.

"Shoot."

"Do you, by any chance, have something to do with Mason suddenly leaving the group?" Brittany's face is expressionless. Santana's blood boils at the sound of the bastard's name.

"_Did you know someone's trying to take advantage of Brittany?" She all but shrieked to Caleb. The poor guy had to hold his phone away from his ears for fear of his eardrums shattering. And then, he begins to process what the Latina just told him and instantly, the phone's pressed painfully against his ear._

"_What?"_

"_Yes, you idiot. How could you not know?" Santana takes a deep breath knowing full well what her temper is capable of. On the other hand, Caleb waits for her to get back on her game. He feels frustrated that he never caught word that someone had the actual balls to lay a hand on Brittany. The girl was too nice for her sake._

"_What's the bastard's name?" Caleb asks through gritted teeth because even though he rarely loses control of his temper, he's no better than the fiery Latina. _

"_Mason." Santana growls out. Caleb flashes through a memory of a cocky guy who flirted with his secretary who was simply disgusted when he whispered his name in her ear. He wanted to give the guy a chance but this was too much._

"_He's going."_

"_I want someone to dump his ass on the sidewalk. Or better yet, I want him flying and landing on a highway full of trucks."_

"_I can arrange for that." Caleb can almost see the evil smile on Santana's face._

"_Good." Santana pauses. "Sorry I snapped at you." Caleb laughs._

"_What's new? I know how you get protective of the people you love."_

"_I don't love her!"_

"_No. Not yet anyway. But you _like_ her." Caleb smirks. "You don't need to get embarrassed. I'd totally react that way if someone ever even laid a hand on Quinn." Santana sighs, recognizing the signs of fighting a losing battle._

"_I have to go, I have 5 minutes to get to my meeting."_

"_Yeah, okay. Thanks again, you hopeless sap."_

"_Yeah, yeah. Anytime, you secret romantic." Caleb hangs up before Santana can get a witty remark out. _

"So, yeah. I guess I had something to do with that." Santana concludes the story.

"You know, you didn't have to do that." Brittany's looking at her with something in her eyes that made Santana feel all good-weird inside.

"I know. I don't regret doing it. That son of a bitch got what he deserved." Brittany chuckles at her, her cheeks slightly tinged with pink.

"You made Mike's day. You gave him the chance to live out his dream of throwing him out for good." Brittany suddenly looks bashful. "In a way, you kind of made my day too."

"Oh, yeah?" She chances a glance at Santana and sees the smug smirk on her face.

"Totally." She admits. "Thanks." Santana's smirk melts into a warm smile. Before she could say anything the food arrived and they both dived in. They ate lunch in comfortable silence and as soon as they were done, they decided to go to the park.

"My drinking buddy, Noah Puckerman, wants you to come with us later tonight for our weekly drinking sessions. You okay with coming with me? It's totally okay if you don't want to though." Santana says as they take their time walking around the park. Brittany beams at her, relieved that her day with Santana doesn't have to end so early.

"I'd love to." She says and Santana looks away to hide the flush spreading in her cheeks.

"Favorite color?" Santana suddenly blurts out when they finally sit down on one of the benches facing the sea. Brittany looks at her surprised at first. But then a goofy grin splits her face and Santana looks bashfully on her hands.

"Brown. You?"

"It depends."

"Well, what is it today?"

"Blue." Brittany chuckles, looking out at the calm sea.

Where are you from?"

"Ohio." Brittany abruptly turns to look at her, a surprised expression on her face.

"Really? I'm from Lima, Ohio!" Santana smiles a small smile, not really fond of remembering where she came from.

"Lima Heights Adjacent."

"Wow. Small world." Thankfully, Brittany doesn't pursue the topic. "Hmmm, I prefer milk over chocolate."

"Coffee." Santana deadpans.

"I don't get hangovers."

"I often get the mother of all hangovers." Santana chuckles quietly.

"Beer."

"Vodka."

"I love snow." Brittany says. She waits for Santana to reply but when she doesn't, she looks at her. The brunette is looking up at the heavens, a solemn expression on her face. The blonde scoots closer, willing Santana to tell her something. Santana then looks at her, eyes guarded but sad.

"I hate rain." She starts and then looks at the water.

"Really? Why?" Brittany asks, curious.

Santana's face scrunches up in concentration as she tries her hardest to get the words out. She feels Brittany put a comforting hand on her thigh, squeezing softly. She understands the gravity of Santana's confession and she feels honored, among many other feelings, that the brunette is making an effort to let her in to a fact about herself. Santana's heart bursts at the action, grateful of the understanding shining in blue eyes. "Rain… When it falls… It… I…" Santana stammers.

"You don't have to tell me if you're not ready yet." Santana shakes her head slowly, trying to clear the fog of fear clouding her mind.

"I want to tell you. I _have_ to tell you." She croaks. If Brittany asks why, Santana has no answer. But the blonde doesn't question her and instead opts to wait for her patiently. Santana feels grateful for that. She takes a deep breath, wills her heart to stop thudding painfully against her chest, and looks into bright, blue pools looking back at her with all the patience in the world.

"When it rains, I feel like it's mocking me." She pauses and turns to look somewhat accusingly at the heavens. "Raindrops fall effortlessly, painlessly. It pulls me back to grief when I'm already trying like _hell_ to break away so I can live a life that can be described in any other way aside from shit. I used to love it. I'd go out of the house and play under the rain. I used to think of it as freedom. But now, there's a voice at the back of my mind reminding me that rain wasn't there when I needed it most." The wind blows and Santana laughs bitterly in her mind, thinking that her life has turned it to a tragic movie complete with wind effects.

Santana's not looking at her but Brittany manages to catch the look in her eyes. Pain. Bitterness. Grief. Brown eyes are suddenly gray and dull and the blonde misses them instantly. Her heart is aching for the _human being_ next to her and Brittany feels the sudden sting of tears at the corner of her eyes. She swallows them back because she knows she has to be strong for Santana. So instead of sobbing like what her heart wanted to do, she reaches out for Santana's clenched fists. She slides her fingers under tense fingers and presses her palm against Santana's. Slowly, carefully, as if she's asking for permission, she fills the lonely gaps with her fingers, interlacing them together.

Santana feels a soft hand gently prying her hand open. The touch instantly relaxes her and she acquiesces to Brittany's silent request, watching a pale hand tangle itself with her shaking fingers. Just when Brittany squeezed, she finds the courage to look at her. The sight that greets her pierces through her core and her breath hitches.

Brittany is looking at her not with pity and a face that says she's sorry. For once, someone, _Brittany_, looks at her like she's already lifting a part of her burden. There's empathy, a ghost of her pain swirling in blue sincere eyes. Tears are at the corner of the blonde's eyes – the tears that _she's_ supposed to be crying. She feels her walls crumble and suddenly, she's _vulnerable_. Suddenly she's weak. Suddenly it's okay for her to suffer. Brittany won't force her to be strong all the time. She's _sure _that to Brittany, tears aren't a weakness.

Santana loses the weak strength that keeps her barely upright. She lets herself accept this moment. She leans her head on Brittany's shoulder. The blonde lets her and together, they watch the world continue to move, oblivious to the merging of two souls.

* * *

><p>Quinn can't breathe. Caleb had taken them on top of the nearest mountain right after lunch. The drive was two and a half hours long that when Caleb finally led her to a clearing, it was almost time for the sunset.<p>

It was absolutely _beautiful_.

Caleb smiles warmly at her awed expression. He takes her hand and leads her to a blanket he'd laid on the ground. Quinn lets him lead her, unable to take her eyes away from the abstract of orange, pink, blue, and yellow that was the sky.

"Do you like it?" Caleb asks her hesitantly.

"Like it? Are you crazy?" Quinn's looking at him like he's grown two heads. "I freaking love it! Caleb, how in the world did you find this place?" Caleb grins at her sheepishly and scratches the back of his head. Adorable crosses Quinn's mind.

"I was seventeen when I first stumbled into this place. I took my mom's car driving to no apparent direction. And then, somewhere along the road, I got tired of driving and decided to walk instead. That's how I found this. Every now and then, I'd come up here when life gets too stressful at times. I wanted to share it with you." Quinn's heart is doing something weird to her and she's sure she's blushing like an apple right now.

Quinn moves to lay her head on Caleb's lap, turning her head so that she's facing the view. Caleb instantly runs his fingers through blonde hair and he can't help but admire Quinn. There's no doubt that she's beautiful, smart, kind. But there's something in her that draws him in. It's like something's tugging him to her and along the lines of resisting, he found that he wants to give in to that tugging sensation. The blonde hair, green eyes, dazzling smiles, musical laugh – Jesus, it's just as Santana says. He's become a hopeless sap. Then again, he'd always been a mess of jelly and butterflies whenever Quinn's around. And he realizes, right now, while threading his fingers through soft hair, that she's what's missing in his life.

"Q?"

"Hmmm?" Quinn hums her reply, too content to move. Caleb's fingers are soothing and she thinks she can live her entire life like this and it would be perfect.

"I love you." Quinn's eyes shoot open. Sure, she knows that Caleb likes her. But _love_? Caleb is smiling down at her without any hint of doubt and expectation on his face.

"I love you and you don't have to say it back. I know you're scared. But I'm not Finn, not Sam, and certainly not Mark. If there's one thing I can't do but they were able to, it would be to leave you. Sure, at one point or another I'm gonna screw up and I'm most likely going to hurt you. I can't promise to be perfect because I'm not. But I love you. I love you and someday, I'd like to spend the rest of my life proving it to you." Caleb says, green eyes never wavering.

For the second time in a day, Caleb was able to take Quinn's breath away. Her heart fills with something she's still afraid of identifying. She moves to sit up. Caleb lets her position herself between his legs and he wraps an arm around Quinn's waist. Quinn presses her back against his strong chest and buries her face against his neck.

"Thank you." Caleb presses her to him a little tighter, a big smile on his face.

Quinn may not be able to say I love you back. She may not be ready to face to risks of getting hurt and being left behind. But someday, she _will_ overcome her fear and let Caleb know that she loves him too with everything she has to offer.

* * *

><p>"I thought you ditched me." Puck says as soon as Santana and Brittany enter the Henessey's Bar.<p>

"I was tempted to." Santana replies. Her right hand is firmly clasped with Brittany's left and Puck raises an eyebrow. "Brittany, Puck. Puck, Brittany." Brittany extends her free hand to shake Puck's and Santana thanks the heavens that the guy has enough decency to smile normally at her.

"Hi, nice to meet you." Brittany says.

"Yo! I see Lopez here managed to drag you. Did she threaten you?" Puck says, laughing when Santana smacks her arm.

"No, thank you very much." Santana quips. Brittany blushes.

"She, uhm, just asked me." Puck feigns shock.

"Oh my, Santana, you're an angel now?" Brittany chuckles beside her, squeezing her hand to comfort her.

"Okay, that's it, we're leaving."

"Oh come on, I was joking here!" Santana huffs dramatically.

"First round's on you."

"Cheap bitch."

"Dumbass." They move to sit at the bar and Puck orders drinks. Apparently, the bartender knows them all too well that even before Puck finishes ordering, three beers for starters are already sliding towards them.

Somewhere along the night, and more than a couple shots of tequila, Brittany's already on the dance floor. And Santana watches her from the bar. Brittany's moving with grace as if there was no alcohol clouding her mind. She's dancing with the beat, every move corresponding to every note of the music.

"Dance with her." Puck says, sitting beside her. Santana thinks that the woman he must have been flirting with got too disgusted to let him touch her. Santana chuckles and Puck glares as if knowing the thoughts running through her head. Santana spares him a look of amusement and then she's back to staring at the blonde beauty currently owning the crowd.

"No, thanks. I'm too drunk to have proper coordination to move even half of how she's moving. And I just can't rock the flailing idiot reputation." Santana says, taking a sip from her fifth or sixth bottle of vodka.

"Can't blame you. That girl is something." Puck says, chuckling heartily.

"Yeah. She is." Santana says and Puck, tipsy but not drunk, picks up on the change of atmosphere and tone. He peers in a not-so-subtle way in the eyes of the Latina.

"Uh oh. I know that look."

"What look?" Santana says, keeping her eyes on Brittany.

"_That_ look. You're in love with her!" Santana faces him abruptly.

"I've only known her for a month, you idiot. I'm not in love with her." Puck scoffs.

"Ever heard of love at first sight?"

"No, Puck. Just. No."

"Okay, maybe you're not in love with her _yet_. But you sure as hell like her." Santana blushes. "Ha! You do! So what's the plan, stud?" Santana looks away from him.

"There is no plan." Santana says, quietly. This time, Puck fails to note the change and is now looking at her, exasperated.

"What do you mean, there is no plan? She's hot. And if I didn't know any better, I'd say she likes you too. Someone like that can't wait for forever for you." Santana ignores the flutter of hope in her chest. She feels her shoulder drop.

"It means exactly what it means, Puck." She pauses. "I can't hurt her." She mutters quietly, cursing the alcohol for making her lose the ability of lying.

"Lopez, lemme tell you something. One way or another you're going to hurt her. So why not have something with her so that when you do hurt her, it'll be easier to heal her?" Puck says.

"That did not make sense at all. Besides, _look_ at her. And then look at me." Puck does and he smirks.

"I see two hot ladies and an opportunity of a threesome." He states bluntly, earning a rather hard smack at the back of his head.

"Seriously. Go get laid."

"Mind joining me? OW! You have to stop doing that." Santana shrugs. Emotions are running unhindered in her system and she takes a deep breath trying to sort out the whirlwind of thoughts and feelings.

"Puck, I can't hurt her." This time, panic laces her voice.

"Why?"

"She doesn't deserve it. She's perfect. I'm exactly the kind of person who can shatter her and I can't do that. She's happy, I'm miserable. She's kind, I'm a bitch. I like her. Like I can fall in love with her and shit like that. But I'm not crazy. Not yet, anyway. I'm not about to drag someone to my own personal hell just because I'm too much of an idiot to deal with it. That's why, I'd rather she leaves than be forced to stay." Santana says. Puck looks at her, incredulous.

"You're whipped." Santana glares at him. "Why don't you let her choose then? It's her life. Not yours. What if the only way that she can be completely happy is by staying with you? What if her life isn't perfect without you in it? What if she chooses to deal with your shit instead of living her perfect little life? What if you pushing her away, kills her? You're not cancer, Santana. You deserve a life too. And she deserves whatever the hell she chooses." Santana hopes that she doesn't look too shocked but judging by the way Puck's smirking smugly at her, she probably does.

"Since when did you become wise?"

"I've always been wise." Santana rolls her eyes.

"Maybe it's the alcohol."

"Aww, come on Satan. Feed my ego here."

"You know what ego means?"

"Low blow, bitch." Santana chuckles at the fake hurt on his face. "Thanks though. I'll – I'll think about it." Santana smiles a small sincere smile and Puck's looks at her kindly. It's best he can get out of Santana.

"Time to get laid. The girl over there's been winking at me." Puck reverts back to his usual self and Santana chuckles.

"Have fun."

"Sure will."

"You're disgusting."

"And you're in love."

"Ugh, just go." Puck gets up ungracefully, stumbling his way to a brunette. Santana shakes her head and turns back to the bar.

_What if her life isn't perfect without you in it?_

Santana laughs bitterly. She bets that Brittany's life would be just fine without her in it. After all, who would want a fucked up person in their lives? She imagines Brittany with some guy, her blue eyes seeming only to see that guy, her smiles bigger when he's around, getting married, having kids. And it hurts like _hell_. Her heart breaks at the thought and she thinks that she's in deep shit for getting jealous of an imaginary guy. But she tells herself that it's better than the image of a broken Brittany, a crying Brittany – the Brittany she might create.

It's better to keep her heart broken that to break Brittany's.

Suddenly, warm arms circles her waist and she nearly jumps out of her skin at the sudden contact.

"Penny for your thoughts?" Brittany whispers huskily against her ear and Santana gives an involuntary shudder. Before she can do something to reciprocate the show of affection, Brittany lets go of her and flops down on the seat next to her. Santana takes this as an opportunity to look at Brittany and she feels her soul trying to push her towards the blonde. She reins it in and she settles on drinking in the image of the blonde dancer. Brittany looks like she's going to fall from where she's seated and Santana can't help but chuckle at the adorable image. The blonde's eyes light up at the sound like they always do and Santana pushes the hope down.

"Jeez, Britt. No more for you." She orders water from the bar and gives it to Brittany who gratefully downs the drink.

"You okay? You looked kind of lonely here." Brittany says as soon as she finishes the drink.

"Yup. You?"

"I've been having fun! But I'm kind of tired."

"Yeah, with all your awesome dancing I suspect that much." Brittany blushes cutely. "You can crash at my place, I'm not about to let you go home in that state." Brittany smiles at Santana's protectiveness. The brunette leaves money on the table and soon they're on their way home.

Brittany could barely keep her eyes open by the time they stumble their way to Quinn and Santana's home. Santana's begun to sober up, the need to take care of Brittany pushing the alcohol to the back of her mind. She lets the girl crash on her bed and removes her shoes gently, trying not to wake her. Brittany says something incoherently and rolls to lie down on her stomach. Santana lets a smile creep on her face as she does something she hasn't done in so long. She tucks Brittany in and after a moment's hesitation, she leaves a feather-light kiss on the blonde's forehead. Brittany sighs contentedly in her sleep and Santana hopes that she won't remember anything of it when she wakes up. She tip toes to the door of her room, the couch will have to do for tonight.

She gazes at Brittany for a full minute, taking in everything that she can. After all, this is where she's supposed to be: away from Brittany. As every second passes, she falls a little more for the girl sleeping on her bed.

"San…" Brittany mumbles. Santana's heart hammers in her chest and she knows that she's gone. It's too late to stop herself from falling any further. Brittany gropes around on the bed trying to find something to clutch on. When her hands land on Santana's pillow, the girl squeezes it to her chest.

"Night, San." She mumbles to the pillow. Santana resists the urge to replace the pillow with her own body. She gazes at her a little longer.

"Sweet dreams, B."

She walks away.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I did not plan for this chapter to be so long. It kind of just unraveled itself. Again, you guys are awesome. The story alerts, the favorites, and most of all, the reviews. Thank you so so much! I hope you enjoyed the fluff in this chapter. **

**Tell me what you guys think? I'm kind of hoping to get the reviews to reach a 50. But I know I'm not that great but hey, I can dream right?**

**Brittana (is equal to fluff),**

**theangel1710**


	7. Chapter 7: Vulnerable

**Chapter 7: Vulnerable**

Brittany cracks her eyes open. Her body is stiff but not in pain. Her mouth still smells and tastes like alcohol and she thinks that she really needs to brush her teeth and change out of her clothes. It takes a minute before she realizes that her body is stiff because the bed is too hard compared to what she was used to.

Slowly, she raises her head and thanks whatever is above the heavens that she doesn't get hangovers. She feels slightly nauseous but Brittany doesn't feel like throwing up. She looks around, forcing her eyes to adjust to the ominous dark. The scent surrounding her hits her before her eyes could register that she is not in her bedroom. The faint smell of strawberry shampoo and a hint of coffee fills her and her heart begins to pump faster just by the mere but comforting mix.

_Santana._

Brittany could barely remember how she ended up being warmly tucked in the brunette's bed. It's still dark outside. She glances on the dusty alarm clock on the bedside table. 3:16 am. Feeling the burn of her dry throat, Brittany swings her legs of the bed and slowly pushes herself up to a standing position and waiting for a few moments to stop the waves of nausea. She makes her way out of Santana's room.

"Ma."

Brittany freezes right beside the couch, her mind flashing back to all the horror movies Mike made her watch. The bloody, knife-impaled children, the dolls, the red eyes, and their search for an equally dead or non-existent parent. She whimpers, regretting her decision to get some water to soothe her esophagus.

"No."

This time, she hears the word said a little louder and followed by a choked sob. Betraying her body, Brittany squints through the dark, trying to make out Santana's figure. She peers on the couch and releases a relieved breath when she sees it with no bloody, doll-carrying child. Instead, she follows the mess of blankets and pillows on the floor. The moon and the faint streetlight outside provided her a faint illumination and blue eyes land on Santana sitting with her head on her arms and her back pressed to the wall.

"San?" Brittany calls out reluctantly. Santana gives no indication that she heard her.

"Santana?" She says louder. The worry that fills Brittany propels Brittany to Santana.

"No." She hears the brunette whisper.

"Santana, are you okay? Can you hear me? San?" Brittany cautiously places a hand on the Latina's shoulder. Santana jerks away from her touch, her head shooting up as she presses further into the wall. Her eyes send a pang of panic through Brittany. Santana wasn't looking at her. Brown eyes were glazed over, wide, and horrified. Her mouth is opened in a mute scream.

"Santana!" Brittany almost shouts, not caring about waking up anyone. She knows that Santana is somewhere horrifying. Her eyes tear and suddenly, tears are cascading on Santana's face. It hurts Brittany and she reaches out once again and places a hand on Santana's trembling knee. The brunette tries to get away from the touch but Brittany holds on. This time, Santana opens her mouth to release a gut-wrenching scream.

"NO!"

* * *

><p>She's back.<p>

Santana looks up and she chokes on the bile rising in her throat. Half of the house is gone and smoke and fire is everywhere. She's on the ground, her skin burning. She watches the fire, unable to register her situation.

"HELP!" The pain-filled cry snaps Santana. It was her mom. She looks at the body in her arms.

Tiana.

She presses a hand hard against her mouth, letting the tears fall. Wood falls in front of them but Santana barely notices. Fire is still everywhere and she just lost her sister. Painfully, she moves them away from the falling debris until her burnt back presses against the wall and pain shoots through her.

"I'll be right back, T. I'll be back for you." Santana chokes out, pressing the burned body to her, the blood mixing with her own. Back when everything was okay, she remembers bitterly how she used to laugh at the cliché of those movies portraying the disaster caused by fire.

She knows now.

It's no joke. The tears, the pain, the bile, the fear, everything.

"Sa – Santa – Santana. . ." Santana hears her name and the pain behind it.

"Mama…" She says, her eyes squinting through the mess of fire, smoke, wood, and blood. "MA! ARE YOU THERE?" She bellows, her voice desperate. Painfully, physically and emotionally, Santana disengages herself from what used to be her sister. She crawls, dragging her legs and forcing herself to move. She's having trouble breathing and she's losing her vision. "MAMA!" She yells yet again. Pain is constantly hitting her and suddenly, Santana isn't sure how much longer she can hold on. She collapses under her own weight a few feet away from her sister. Her eyes are burning but she squints through everything forcefully.

She sobs when her mother's face swims into view.

Santana can't make out half her face but her mother's dark eyes are unmistakable.

"_Mija, I will always love you. Remember that."_

"MA! Mama! Thank God. It's okay, we're going to be okay." She gasps for breath and her heart constricts painfully when her mother drags herself over. Santana pushes herself up once again and together they make their way to Tiana. Santana shuts her eyes just as her mother reaches for Tiana's burnt hand.

"I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. I should have gone back immediately and helped Papi. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Santana. Stop. This isn't your fault." Her mother says, voice barely above a whisper. Santana opens her eyes to meet her mother's gaze. They're both crying, both cursing, both hoping, both dying.

And it hurts _so_ bad.

It hurts that she lost her sister. It hurts that her father is probably burned to ashes by now. It hurts that it had to be them out of the families in this small fucking town. It hurts that her mama is slowly fading away. It hurts that _she's_ giving up.

"_Everybody gets hurt at one point, mija. Pain is terrible and sometimes, when it's really bad, you feel like you're alone. But you have to understand that you never are. Even when I'm not there with you, it doesn't mean that I left you. You have to be strong when something like that happens. Hold on. Live. Mama will always be there for you in a way your boyfriends cannot be. No offense. Okay?"_

"Santana."

"Shh, Mama, don't try to talk. We have to do everything we can, yes?" They're both lying on the floor next to Tiana and her mother's eyes are closed. Fear shoots through her core. Tears are falling from her mother's aged face and if she's not strong enough, Santana doesn't know if she can be any stronger than her mom.

She's her idol and her star.

"Mi – Mija…"

"Mama, please. You have to –-…" Santana coughs and sucks a breath. "You have to listen to me. Don't fall asleep. Please." Gasp. "I can't do this alone." She whispers. Her mother hears her anyway and she opens her almost lifeless eyes. Santana breaks when her mama smiles through her burnt face.

"Listen to me…" She reaches out for Santana's hand, squeezing it with the little strength she has left.

"Mama… Please… Please…" Santana begs, squeezing back with everything she has left in her.

"You will never be alone."

"No. No. No…"

"We will always be with you."

"Stop. You're not going to die!"

"Be strong, okay?"

"Stop it. Stop. Please."

"For me. For Papi. For Tiana…" Her grip on Santana's hand fades and nothing could ever hurt more than this. "Live for us." Her eyes are fading.

"Mama…"

"We love you. Always…" Tears. Too much tears; so much that Santana for a minute that this isn't real. But the pain hits her hard again and she knows it is.

"I love you too, mama. I love you too."

"That's… my… girl…" Santana watches the life leave her mother's eyes and it is only in this moment that she understands the meaning of pain.

"No. NO!"

Tears. Pain. Death.

* * *

><p>"SANTANA. COME BACK." The slap echoes through the house. Quinn is panicking and disheveled having been awakened abruptly by the chaos. Determination is burning in Brittany's blue, clear eyes and even though it hurts her that she just hurt Santana, the blonde knows that she has to pull her back to reality. Brittany grabs her face, forcefully ignoring the print of her own hand on the brown skin. She looks deep within Santana's brown eyes and tears form when she realizes that Santana's looking at her.<p>

"Come back." Brittany says, firmly. There's confusion and panic but Brittany's just glad that Santana's looking at her. "Come back." She whispers, softly. Santana blinks. Once. Twice.

"Mama…" Brittany's heart breaks and she hears Quinn sniffle behind her.

"No, San. Brittany." Her voice wavers but she holds firm. Santana blinks again.

"B…" She rasps out. "Brittany…"

"Hey." She lets out a relieved laugh. "Hi." She engulfs the trembling brunette in her arms, reveling in the warmth currently making its way back to Santana. She feels her curl immediately into her, greedily seeking comfort. The blonde gives her as much as she can.

"B…" The relief is unmistakable. She feels the blistering cold of tears drench through the fabric of her shirt and touches her chest. If Brittany didn't know any better, she would say that the tears soaked through her chest and covered her beating heart. It's painful. It hurts. But she needs to stay strong.

"Let it out, San. I'm here. I got you." Brittany stirs them gently around so it's her back pressed against the wall. Santana's hands fists against her shirt and the tremors increase. She sobs noiselessly, used to breaking down in silence. Quinn watches them and when Brittany looks up a little broken, she gives her a soft, reassuring smile. She places a hand on Brittany's arm which was wrapped around Santana and squeezes. Quinn turns to Santana, running a hand through soft, brown locks.

"It's okay, you're okay." She whispers.

"But they're not. _They're_ not." Santana replies brokenly.

* * *

><p>Santana cries herself to sleep and even through unconsciousness, the tears don't stop. Quinn had left them as soon as the sun rose. Brittany knows that she should go too. She needs to go to work. She needs to do groceries. She needs to do a lot of things. But most of all, she needs to stay with Santana. And it overshadows everything she needs to do. She stays. Brittany feels her sleep uneasily, both still on the floor. The pain in her back begins to intensify but she pushes it to the back of her mind, intent on staying where she is than to wake up Santana. She shifts, trying to gain a comfortable position for the both of them. The brunette in her arms stirs a little before she lets out a small whimper and pressing herself tighter to Brittany.<p>

Brittany watches her sleep. She sees the bags beneath her eyes, feel Santana's ribs against her arms. Even in sleep, Santana looks like she's running a marathon. In a way, maybe she is. Dried tear tracts seem to be tattooed to brown skin, her breathing never even.

Brittany knows that Santana's pain is something she will never understand. Pain shoots right through her core as she wonders why of all people to suffer, it had to be Santana. She thinks that someone as beautiful as her doesn't deserve such a cruel fate. The way Santana had called her mother, the gut-wrenching scream, the gallon of tears, the nonstop tremors – everything – it broke her. Santana deserves better. But for her to get a life beyond pain, Brittany understands that Santana needs to let someone help her. Brittany can only do so much to help her. She can only hold her, be the shoulder she needs, the person to drive her live. But Santana needs something more than that. Something a professional can only give.

"_We tried. But she's so damn stubborn."_

Quinn and Caleb tried. It's her turn to try. Santana might hate her for forcing her. She might get angry and everything. But then again, she might agree and she might be saved. So Brittany _will_ try.

Santana groans and she shifts. Brittany looks down to meet bloodshot, exhausted eyes.

"Hey." She says, a soft smile on her face. Santana blinks before rubbing her eyes.

"Hi." Santana croaks.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like a truck ran over my head… What the fuck are we doing on the floor? My ass hurts like hell." Santana frowns. Brittany rubs her arms soothingly and feels pride bloom in her chest when the brunette looses the frown. Brown eyes turn to look at her, questioning. Then her eyes widen as she surveys their position. She springs and before the blonde realizes it, she's standing up. A wave of nausea hits her and she wobbles. Just as Santana thinks that she's going to hit the floor, strong and pale arms encircles her waist and steadies her and she meets pools of blue, smiling amused at her.

"Whoa, easy there. You okay?" Santana wordlessly grips her arms, letting the nausea ride out. She tries to stand back on her feet again, and when she succeeds, Brittany beams at her like a mother watching her child walk for the first time. Santana feels her face flush and she looks down to try to hide it. She lets go of Brittany's arm and walks a little too fast to the kitchen.

"I hope you don't mind crappy takeout pancakes." Santana says flatly as she reaches in the refrigerator to retrieve the said pancakes. Brittany plops down on the sit on the counter.

"Yum." Brittany smiles at her. Santana looks away.

"Don't you have a job?"

"I do. But I got Mike to cover for me."

"You're staying?"

"You don't sound too happy about it." It was true. Santana sounded worried and if Brittany didn't know any better, she'd say scared. The blonde studies Santana, ducking her head to meet her eyes that seemed to be staring intently at the cereal.

"No! It's not that."

"I can go if you want. I don't want to intrude." Santana doesn't reply.

Brittany staying would really be a big help. But then, she just had to notice the sleeplessness in Brittany's eyes and her disheveled state. She did that. She knows. She couldn't remember much about last night but Santana _does_ remember the part where Brittany gathers her in warm, comforting arms. Damn her for being there.

"Santana? What is it?" She looks up, startled. Brittany's staring at her with confusion. Santana sees the bags under the girl's eyes and she blames herself for it.

"Nothing." She whispers, not trusting her voice to be steady enough.

"Then why won't you look at me?"

"That's exactly what I'm doing!" Santana says exasperated.

"No, San. You're looking at the bags under my eyes. Am I that ugly when I have those?" Santana looks away.

"I don't think it's possible for you to look ugly." She blushes and misses the shy smile adorning Brittany's face.

"Thank you. You're pretty hot yourself." Santana turns into an apple and Brittany laughs at her embarrassment.

"I know. But thanks anyway." Santana tries to amend. They continue to eat their breakfast in comfortable silence and Santana thinks that she wouldn't mind doing this every morning. Then again, last night was _terrifying_.

She knows what happened. She knows she lost grip of reality and instead unconsciously decided to stay in her personal hell trying to change something. Anything. And she had dragged Brittany into it.

She's not dumb or blind.

She can see the way the blonde seems to be hovering protectively around her as if Brittany's trying to find a way to save her from herself. She can see the desperation and caution in blue eyes. It's the reason why she couldn't look at Brittany directly. It will hurt to know that she had teared a piece of the girl's innocence. She had tainted her happy soul with a dark piece of her. Santana knows that she's genuinely relieved that Brittany's going to stay. But she can't push the thought that she might do something that would pull Brittany to her darkness. It's not right. It's _her_ hell. It's hers. No one else's. No one deserves to be drowned with her own misery.

"Earth to Santana." Brown eyes snap into focus. "You okay?" Santana can hear the worry in her angelic voice and it's almost as if Brittany's scared that she lost the brunette.

"More or less. Why?"

"You were gone for awhile there. Where'd you go?"

"Nowhere. I'm fine."

"You're not. I know." And Brittany says in a way that makes Santana want to curl up into a ball and cry in her self-pity. It makes Santana want to build a wall between her and Brittany. It's as if Brittany can see right through her.

"I'm fine." She says mostly to herself.

"You're not." Brittany drops her fork, finishing up the last bits of her reheated pancake to look at Santana. Fire is burning in her eyes and Santana whimpers inside. "Why won't you go see someone?"

"I don't need anyone." Brittany winces inside at the sound of Santana's cold, guarded voice. Nevertheless, Brittany holds strong on her ground.

"You do."

"Look, _Brittany_," She puts emphasis on her name and hates it when the girl doesn't even flinch. "Whatever's going on in my damaged head is none of your business."

"Well then, I intend on making it my business." Damn it, she's stubborn.

"Don't. My business won't do you any good. If anything, it might make you the bitch I am today." Santana rises to put their plates to the sink. She feels Brittany's eyes burn a hole at the back of her head.

"I don't care. I'm not leaving you." Santana's heart skips a beat and she almost forgets the reason why this, whatever the hell it is, is not a good idea.

"You should."

"Yeah, I know I should. But I won't. Don't you get it? I'm _staying_." Brittany insists.

"I'm not going to let you." Santana says icily, tuning around abruptly to face Brittany, her eyebrows scrunched together.

"I didn't ask for your permission. I'm staying because I want to, Santana." She says softly, trying to get through the wall Santana has built around her heart.

"Why? Why do you care so much?" There's a hint of desperation in her voice and Brittany knows. The girl's terrified beyond her wits. She'd rather stay alone than go through losing someone again. And Brittany feels the desire to reassure her. Because she knows that she's not going anywhere.

"I don't know either." She steps into Santana's personal space and reaches out to touch her face. "But I'd like to find out why with you. I know you're scared, San. I don't know how I know though so don't bother asking or denying it. But you have to understand that I'm not going anywhere. I'm always going to be here for you whenever you need someone to catch you. You don't have to be scared of losing me cause you _won't_. So let me stay. Let me deicde what's good for me. Let me help. Let me be by your side. And for the love ducks San, let me get you some help." Brittany says confidently. She sucks in air, not realizing that she wasn't breathing through her entire speech. She watches emotions pass through Santana's eyes and hopes with everything she has that Santana opens up.

"_So let me stay."_

The words keep going on repeat in Santana's head and before she knows it, tears are making their way to the corner of her eyes even as she tries to hold them back as hard as she can. Their friendship rests on her now. It's her decision if she'll let her find her way back to living again. If she says no, she'll stay as the miserable bitch she knows she is and Brittany will be safe from her. She won't have to worry about hurting anyone aside from herself.

"Are you sure?" Goddamn it, why is she born as a selfish being? Brittany smiles her bright smile and Santana knows the answer before Brittany can say it.

"More sure than anything I've ever decided. Except when I decided to include weekly visits to the park to feed the ducks." She pulls Santana into an embrace. She feels her relax against her and return the hug. "You'll get help, right?"

"No?" Brittany squeezes her waist painfully tighter. "Ouch! Yeah, okay, alright!" Santana tries to push the blonde off and Brittany laughs at her as soon as she frees herself.

"Yay! Today then. Go get dressed. We have to get you to a drink!"

"Don't you mean shrink?" Santana finds the mistake adorable and lets a smile creep to her face.

"Yeah, that. Darn it, I have to watch more reality TV shows." Santana chuckles.

Brittany's eyes light up. It's nothing new but Santana thinks this might be worth it.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight. You got her to get help?" Quinn asks in disbelief. She was in the middle of doing paperwork when Brittany called her to tell her the news. "Well I'll be damned. She <em>actually<em> agreed to go to a psychiatrist?"

"Yes, Quinn." Brittany's laughing in delight on the other end of the line and Quinn can't help but let herself release a relieved laugh. "She's in the shower right now. And I was hoping you could help me. I don't really know where to take her so do you know anyone?"

"Uhm. Hold on." Quinn dives into her chaos of a drawer, trying to locate a calling card. "AHA! Okay, here's where you have to go…" Quinn gives Brittany the address and the person they should look for.

"Thanks, Quinn!"

"Thank _you_, Britt. Take care of her, okay?"

"I will. With everything I have." They hang up and Quinn rests against the headrest of her chair. She sighs. Finally. _Finally_. She dials the number she's memorized by heart and waits excitedly for Caleb to answer.

"Hello?" Quinn melts. She thinks that she's a real sap.

"Guess what?"

"I love you?" Quinn splutters and she hears Caleb snicker on the other end. Since he had first told her he loves her, Caleb would tell her every chance he would get.

"No."

"But I do!"

"I know!"

"I know you know!"

"I know!"

"See?"

"Okay, as much as I enjoy this - …"

"You do?" Quinn rolls her eyes and Caleb laughs.

"Brittany got Santana to go see someone for help." Quinn says. The other line is silent for awhile and Quinn, being the worrywart she was, worries that Caleb had hung up. "Caleb?" She hears a loud exhale on the other end.

"No shit?"

"Yup."

"Seriously?"

"Yes."

"As in?"

"Now you just sound gay. And yes, Caleb. Yes. YES." Quinn insists all the while amused by Caleb disbelief.

"Wow." Caleb says, obviously awed.

"I know right? Brittany seems to be able to touch a part of her we can't. Thank God you brought her to lunch that day." Caleb chuckles, fond of that memory.

"I don't think I've ever seen her smile that much."

"Me too."

"I'm just glad that Brittany's willing to help her fix her fucked up head. And I have you to fix my oh so broken heart."

"Shut up!" Quinn says but Caleb knows she's smiling and they burst out laughing.

"Soon, everything will be fine. Everything will be perfect again." Quinn says and Caleb sighs.

"Finally."

"Now, go get back to work old man!"

"I am so not your dad."

"Argh, shut up. You know what I mean."

"I know. But I'm growing old with you. So I don't mind at all."

"You're making me look like a tomato. Take care, Caleb." Caleb laughs heartily.

"Yeah. You too."

Someday, Quinn thinks, someday, when she gets over the commitment issues and doubt, she'll tell him just how much she loves him back.

* * *

><p>"Good morning, I'm Mercedes Jones. And I'm going to be your psychiatrist for who knows how long." The woman named Mercedes tells her and Santana instantly hates the fact that she agreed to this.<p>

"Yeah I know, your nameplate outside kind of told me that already. Santana Lopez. Quinn Fabray recommended you to us." Mercedes raises an eyebrow at the grumpy Santana who's currently lounging on one of the couches. Quinn had indeed warned her about the brunette's attitude and at first, when she saw Santana blush and smile softly at the blonde girl who dropped her off, she thought Quinn was just exaggerating. Now she knows that Quinn may be understating the description.

"Let's start?"

"Whatever."

"Why do you think you're here?" Santana opens her eyes, staring at ceiling.

"I don't know. Maybe because my ass got dragged here by an insanely beautiful girl." Mercedes would have laughed if it weren't for the glare Santana 's sending her.

"Okay. So, why don't you tell me how you feel?" Mercedes thinks that this is going to be hard as she watches Santana close her eyes.

"Look, why don't we just pretend that we talked so I can tell Brittany that and I don't have to waste your time and you don't have to waste mine?"

"No can do. Come on now, I'm trying to help you here." Santana doesn't respond for long minutes. Okay, she thinks, nice isn't going to break her. "Look, you're a bitch. I've been told." Santana looks at her, an eyebrow raised.

"Well, you're a bitch too, anyone ever tell you that?"

"Yeah, I know I'm a bitch."

"So you're not that naive after all." Mercedes sits up straighter, staring the brunette down and competing with the glare.

"I'm bitch, Santana. But I know when to put my pride down and let someone like, oh I don't know, a _psychiatrist_ like _me_, to help."

"I don't need help." But Santana looks away and walks to the door and Mercedes knows that she does.

"Oh yes you do. So sit your skinny ass back down before I drag you back myself." Santana pauses and she sighs and gives the dark woman the scariest glare she's ever given anyone before sitting back down.

"Let's start again, shall we? What are you feeling right now?"

"I feel like I want to rip your head off so I can go and enjoy my life without having to worry about you trying to push your way inside my head." Mercedes shakes her head.

"Santana. Miss Lopez, you know what the very first step is to recover from your kind of pain? It's to accept that you need help. It's to know what exactly you're feeling and what's holding you back. Then, and only then, will you be able to talk about whatever it is that got you this messed up and finally, when you're able to face each of your fears, you'll be able to move on. So, let me ask you this. Do you think you need help?" Santana looks away, staring at the view behind Mercedes, an empty look in her eyes.

"Do you really believe that I'll get better? That the pain will stop? That I'll be able to live a life?" There's a note of bitterness in her tone and Mercedes breathes in relief inside. She's cracking. It's small but it's there.

"It depends. Do you?"

"I don't know." Santana says quietly. "I don't know what I feel. I just know that I'm not okay. As a matter of fact, I'm far from okay." There she said it. She feels the hopelessness of her situation creep up to her and Santana instantly feels drained.

"I see. Well, first, you need to tame down the bitch inside you and try to talk to me in a normal manner without trying to kill me with your eyes. Can you do that?" Santana shrugs.

"And then, you need to let people in, Santana. Okay maybe not too many people. It can be just one person. You have to admit to that person that you're weak right now and that you need someone to help you up. Being able to admit such a thing will make it easier for you to move on. Being able to admit it to another person enables you to put down the load of carrying locked emotions down. Right now, you don't what you're feeling exactly. That's because you've got everything locked up and chained. And you have to find a way to release what you've been holding back because all of it: the pain, the grief, the loneliness is what's keeping you rooted to that miserable spot you're in. Do you understand?"

"I'm damaged not dumb." Mercedes pins her with a pointed stare. "_Yes_, I understand."

"Good."

"Can I go now?"

"Next week, I expect you to be able to tell me something." Santana stands up.

"Yeah, yeah." She walks to the door and just before she turns the door handle, she glances back to Mercedes. "Thank you." She whispers and then she's out the door. Mercedes sighs and she finds herself hoping that Santana will be strong enough to be vulnerable.

* * *

><p>That night, Santana lies in the darkness of her room, trying to find answers to her millions of questions. Quinn had come home an hour ago and had tried to talk to her. Instead, she dismissed herself telling hr blonde friend that she's tired and that she's going to turn in. Quinn knows better than to prod so she lets her but not before a comforting hug for which she was grateful of. Brittany's been texting her, trying to find out if she's okay.<p>

"I'm not." Santana says out loud to the darkness. Silence answers her back and Santana feels a sudden wight press down on her. "I'm not."

She's not okay. She's in pain. She's grieving. She misses her family.

Santana grabs her phone, the light of it momentarily blinding her. She scrolls to Brittany's name. All she needs to do is press call. Just press call. It becomes a hard task and she stares at the name and number until the light goes off. Santana doesn't even know what she wants to tell her. She presses some other button and soon she's staring at Brittany's name again.

Brittany who was there to bring her back from hell. Brittany who was able to get her to agree on something she never thought she would ever agree on. Brittany who wants to stay. Brittany.

Her heart pounds uncontrollably, her mind suddenly filling with images of Brittany, her ears replaying the sound of Brittany's laugh. The number on her phone screen is looking at her expectantly. Or at least she thinks it is.

Santana taps the green phone. Brittany picks up on the second ring.

"Oh my God, Santana! Hi! Are you okay? Did you get my messages?" Her voice sounds worried and relieved at the same time and Santana feels elated. She knows what she wants to say now. She knows that if she needs to tell someone, be _vulnerable_ to someone, it would be to Brittany.

"Sing to me." She requests silently, her voice hoarse and shaky. Brittany picks up the weak tone of her voice and without hesitation, she's grabbing clothes and showing them to a bag and locking her apartment door and is on her way to Quinn and Santana's.

People would ask her to dance. People would ask her to go on a date with them. People would ask her to take a job. But for the first time in her life, someone's asking her to sing. She knows that Santana's vulnerable right now and everything will be decided on how she will answer.

Santana's scared. She's open. She's actually fucking _open_. She's weak. And she's trying to let someone in. So she's scared that Brittany might turn a blind eye or a hard back. She's so afraid that she grips the phone hard.

"What do you want me to sing?" Brittany sounds out of breath but it's enough for Santana.

"Anything."

"Give me a second." Santana would give her a lifetime. She hears nothing but breathing on the other end but pretty soon, Brittany's humming a tune.

_When you try your best but you don't succeed  
>When you get what you want but not what you need<br>When you feel so tired but you can't sleep  
>Stuck in reverse<em>

Santana's heart skips a beat. Her voice. Brittany's voice.

_And the tears come streaming down your face  
>When you lose something you can't replace<br>When you love someone but it goes to waste  
>Could it be worse?<em>

Brittany's thankful that she remembers the lyrics of the song fully. She breaks a little when she hears a sniff on the other end. She moves faster.

_Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you_

_And high up above or down below  
>When you're too in love to let it go<br>But if you never try you'll never know  
>Just what you're worth<em>

Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you

She's going to try. Santana feels at peace. Her eyes are dropping, tired from all the tears and glares. Tired from searching.

_Tears stream down your face  
>When you lose something you cannot replace<br>Tears stream down your face  
>And I<em>

Quinn raises an eyebrow as soon as she opens the door to find Brittany singing. Brittany in turn, makes a shushing sign, pointing to the phone and to the way to Santana's bedroom. Understanding dawns in Quinn and she smiles softly before letting Brittany in.

Santana's already asleep by the time Brittany reaches her room, the phone pressed against her ear. Brittany moves quietly, not once stopping from singing. She removes her shoes and as quietly and as gently as she can, she climbs in beside Santana.

_Tears stream down your face  
>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<br>Tears stream down your face  
>And I<em>

Brittany removes the phone from Santana's soft grip and puts it beside hers on the bedside table. Santana stirs a little before her hands finds the front of Brittany's shirt and gripping it. Brittany folds her body to fit the brunette's curling an arm around her and pulling her closer.

_Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you_

As the song closes, Santana curls into her and Brittany smiles softly. She _will _stay. Looking at Santana's face, marred by pain and sorrow, Brittany knows that she'd spend even the rest of her life ready to catch Santana when she falls.

Unconsciously, Brittany gives her heart to Santana. She gives her entire life to Santana. She's hers now. Hers. Santana's.

"Sweet dreams." Brittany whispers to her ear before letting the pull of sleep take her.

* * *

><p><strong>17 reviews. I got 17 reviews for the last chapter. THANK YOU SO MUCH! I hope you received my reply. To those who put me and this story in their favorites, I love you just as much. For the story alerts, omg, don't worry I love you too. Another long chapter. I hope you like it. I am so sorry for the long wait. I really didn't have the time to edit this so in a way, it's raw. Sorry for the mistakes. <strong>

**Tell me what you think? It helps more than you guys will ever know. :)**

**Brittana (now and forever),**

**theangel1710**


	8. Chapter 8: Barely There

**Chapter 8: Barely There**

Quinn swings her legs off the bed, reaching out to switch her 5 am alarm clock off. Groggily, she makes her way to the bathroom. She curses herself inwardly for being lazy the other day. If she went and did her groceries during the weekend, she shouldn't have to wake up at 5 friggin' am in the middle of the week to go to the 24-hour convenient store across town.

She spends longer than usual to get ready and when she finally remembers to grab her keys before going out the door for the third time, Quinn hears an all too familiar whimper coming from the next room. Just like a fire alarm, the sound sends her heart hammering and adrenaline pumping in her system. At night, Quinn would wonder when it will finally stop doing that. She would wonder when Santana will be at peace even when she's in the clutches of the night.

Quietly, she tip toes her way to Santana's room. She opens the door as silently as she can, not wanting to make her presence known to the occupants unless needed. Quinn's eyes adjust to the deeper, blacker darkness in the room, just in time to catch Santana's arm try to reach out for something. The action tugs Quinn's heartstrings painfully and slowly. During the first month of the tragedy, Santana would often reach out for something and nothing in particular in her sleep. Usually, whenever Quinn would chance upon it, she would gently shake the Latina awake. Quinn was about to do so when the body cuddled up next to Santana began to stir.

Quinn moves as close as possible from the doorway as she struggles to see. For some reason, her gut tells her to watch – to witness. Brittany shifts a little and Quinn hears whispered words and even though she's trying hard to hear, she can't quite make out what Brittany's saying. Quinn forces her eyes to adjust more. She watches quietly as Brittany, who Quinn thinks is still three-fourths unconscious, reaches out for Santana's outstretched hand and pulls it back down. The whispers start again and this time Quinn hears a bit of it.

"Not alone… 'Mmm here…" Brittany repeats it over and over again until Santana stops shifting. She settles against the blonde, her hand still in Brittany's. Brittany, in turn presses herself against Santana's back and within minutes Quinn hears silence.

And then, just as she was about to leave, beyond the darkness, Quinn witnesses, _hears_ something incredible. Quiet and deep breathing turns into gentle snores and it takes her a minute to believe that it is real. Santana and Brittany are breathing in sync. This is what the movies can never portray in perfection. No matter how hard they train themselves to do it, it wouldn't be the same as the one she's witnessing right now. They would never be able to imitate the atmosphere of purity hanging in the air. Quinn listens intently, determined to imprint this memory to her mind. She intends to burn this moment so that someday, when someone asks, she will be able to present a proof as to why she believes in soul mates.

She stays by the doorway for several minutes before she slowly makes her way to the front door, leaving her friends in their unconscious moment. She drives in silence and doesn't open the radio like she normally would. As she pulls up and parks beside another car in front of the convenient store, she decides to make breakfast for all of them. But in order to do so, she would have to move fast so that she can open the stove without giving Santana a heart attack.

"Good morning!" The man behind the counter greets her. Quinn smiles at him and moves to get the items.

Quinn grabs bacons from the freezer, wondering how long has it been since Santana ate one. Then, she proceeds down the aisle to get eggs.

"_Dios mio_, Quinn?" Quinn turns to find an older, brunette woman and a boy around the age of seven or eight holding the woman's hand. Quinn feels cold when she recognizes the woman. After all, she's the spitting image of Santana's mom. Hate fills her and spite strikes her to the core. Warm, green eyes turn to ice as she turns to face the older woman.

"Gabriela." Quinn says her tone neither pleasant nor cold. She holds the woman's gaze until she sees a flash of recognition in her eyes. Quinn then bends down to the kid's height, this time smiling warmly.

"Hey, Miggy." Miguel smiles his big, missing-front-teeth smile before letting of his mother's hand and rushes into Quinn's waiting arms.

"Kwi!" Quinn chuckles. She lets the boy jump up and down in her arms, the innocence almost painful to see. "Kwi! Where's S?" The boy is all smiles and glee and this protects him from the dark looks his mom and Quinn shares.

"She's sleeping back at home."

"Can I see her?" The look of excitement fills Quinn with anger but she forces herself to smile as much as she can for the sake of the child. She looks up at Gabriela and smirks at her tense posture.

"Of course! She misses you so much. Ask your mother if you can come with me so you can see her." Gabriela glares at her and Quinn smiles a menacingly sweet smile. Miguel turns to his mom and brings out the full power of puppy dog eyes.

"Pweeaaase, can I?" Gabriela shoots Quinn one last dirty glare which Quinn reciprocates with equal intensity. She picks up her son and holds on until the boy calms down.

"I'm sorry, mijo. We have to meet your Papa after he visits his bestfriend. And then we have to go home because we left Dino alone at home. If it rains, no one's going to be there to stop him from destroying the couch." Gabriela says softly.

"But, Mamaaaa… I miss S."

"Of course you do." Quinn says, sharper than she had intended it to be.

"I'm sorry, Miggy." Gabriela turns to Quinn. "You have other cousins anyway. I'll let you play with them at home. Si?" Quinn had to quell the desire to strangle the woman.

"Si. Okay, Mama." Miggy says. He's smiling but Quinn thinks it's a little bit sad too.

"Well, I have to go." Before I kill someone, she thinks. Quinn looks at Miggy. "Bye, little man. Someday I hope you'll be able to come by and play with S. She misses _you_ so much."

"I miss her too. Will you tell her that, Kwi?" Quinn smiles at the child's pleading look and ignores the disgust in Gabriela's eyes.

"Sure thing, Miggy. Bye." Quinn waves as she moves toward the counter. She moves fast and with purpose, doing everything to avoid delays on the counter. If nothing else was sure in this world, Quinn is absolutely sure that she'd rather be with a criminal right now rather than with Gabriela.

She hurries home.

* * *

><p><em>Warmth<em>.

Santana wonders if she's still in the realm of dreams. She'd gotten used to waking up in complete and utter darkness and to the feeling of cold fear that she's forgotten how to react to waking up in comforting warmth.

_Lights will guide you home…_

She hears Brittany's voice in her head and she smiles through her closed eyes. The blonde had given her a reason to not fear sleep and Santana could still feel the comfort seeping from her voice. She thinks about taking Brittany somewhere after her hearings. God knows it's the least she can do.

Santana finally cracks her eyes open, deciding that the warmth isn't about to go away anytime soon. The foreign calm vanishes as soon as she realizes that she can't move. Her eyes lose the grogginess and her body goes on paranoid mode. Her eyes search for the source of weight pressing down on her and she is greeted by an unfamiliar arm. A learned reflex kicks in and she jumps off the bed before someone can say "ow!". Eyes wide and heart racing, Santana stares at the figure she was with until a moment ago in bed. Her mind refuses to process the possibility that the person might be someone she knows, her judgment clouded. She poises ready to pummel the person to death if she has to.

"Wha?" Santana picks up the surprised voice and it takes her a full minute to recognize it and another to realize what she's doing. "San? What – ow – what's happening?" Brittany touches her sore cheek having been hit by Santana in the panic of the moment.

"Brittany?"

"What are you doing? Are we getting bombed?" Blue eyes finally open to full alert searching Santana's brown, surprised ones.

Santana stays three feet away, a rush of emotions currently overcoming her entire being. The fear dominates everything. The fear that she could have done something horrible to Brittany occupies her mind. The disgust of even _thinking_ about it churns her stomach. And then there's the relief. The relief that she didn't go through the night alone and the relief that Brittany had come here on her own free will. Santana takes a step forward.

"San?" That sweet voice laced with concern lulled her to sleep last night. And it is only in this moment that Santana realizes that it is because of that voice that she's fighting hard against the pain in the ass and in everything else that everyone calls life. She takes in the image of Brittany – the image of her angel. Blue eyes are bright with worry, sleep forgotten. She's reaching out for her, her hand half raised. She sees the red on her cheek and knows that Brittany's forgotten about that. More than that, Santana thinks that Brittany could care less about her pain. Another surge of emotions push her to reach Brittany. Gently, she touches Brittany's swollen cheek.

She had caused her pain. Real, physical pain.

"I'm sorry." Her voice sounded weak even to herself and she feels revenge against herself when Brittany flinches slightly at the contact. Nevertheless, the girl laughs.

"It's okay. Though I'd prefer to wake up to a smile rather than a punch in the face." She's trying to lighten the mood, Santana knows. But right now, she can't follow. The incredulity of everything crashes down on her.

"What are you doing here?" Santana asks, eyes still on the red cheek which turned redder when she asked the question.

"I ran to get here form my house. I… I didn't want you to be alone last night." Brittany confesses.

And Santana knows, she doesn't deserve her.

"Don't hate me." Santana whispers.

"Never." Brittany's response is immediate, the need to reassure Santana more important than anything. Suddenly, Santana's pushing her back on the bed, and she has no choice but to follow until she can bury her head no further into the pillow. The brunette hovers above her, hands pinned on either side of Brittany's head, her eyes searching.

Brittany looks straight into her eyes, an unspoken conversation of sorts passing between them. She smiles. And that's all Santana needs before leaning in and pressing her lips against Brittany's. She hears a sharp intake of breath and Santana panics and is about to pull away when Brittany presses back.

There are no fireworks. But Santana's sure that her heart is bursting. She doesn't need the fireworks to describe the feeling because she _knows_ that everything is exploding into a thousand different colors. She's surrounded and filled with everything that is Brittany and she becomes greedy. She sucks in everything; her scent, her taste, her warmth.

Brittany's never experienced being dead so she has no idea what heaven looks like. But when Santana pressed her lips against hers, she's pretty sure that she just reached heaven. So she presses back, tasting the desperation and need on Santana's lips. They move together as if they've been kissing for years. Santana's tongue dart out to lick her lips but she finds that Brittany's been expecting her and she meets her halfway. Brittany's arms come up to wrap around her neck, pulling her impossibly closer, the laws of physics forgotten.

They kiss until the need for air forces them to pull apart. Heavy pants fill the room and Santana rests her forehead against Brittany's.

"Wow." She hears Brittany whispers. Santana feels the movement of her lips and she sighs contentedly. "Where were you when I had my first kiss?" Santana chuckles, finding the courage to open her eyes and look at Brittany's flushed and smiling face.

"Probably doing God-knows-what." Santana moves off of Brittany, and instead lies on her side facing Brittany. They laugh quietly, not wanting to break the moment. It takes Brittany a while before she realizes that Santana's _laughing_. It's quiet but Brittany's mesmerized by the way Santana's face seems to look light, carefree. Her eyes are shining, for once not with pain or tears, but with pure joy. The frown has disappeared, full lips stretched by happiness. Brittany thinks that the Latina's cheek must be edible.

"You're beautiful." She blurts out. Santana's laughter dies down to a smirk.

"Look who's talking." Brittany blushes and Santana's smirk grows wider.

"Aww, San. Stop it. You're being too sweet; I think you're going to make my ovaries explode."

"Was that a Tumblr reference?"

"Maybe." Santana chuckles, thinking how perfect her morning's turning out to be.

"I want – eggs?" The brunette looks at her confused.

"Uhh, sorry to disappoint, B. I only have egg cells." Brittany slaps her playfully.

"No, San! What the heck?" Brittany takes a moment to laugh. "I meant I think I smell eggs." Santana sniffs the air and finds that it's true.

"I smell bacon." Santana says. There's a blur of blonde hair, blue tank top, black shorts, and sheets before Santana realizes that Brittany's up and about.

"Yay, breakfast!" Brittany moves to grab her hoodie from the bag she packed last night to cover herself up. She moves to the door and when she opens it, she turns to smile at Santana. Her smile fades when she realizes that Santana's sitting at the edge of the bed looking like she might throw up. She moves toward Santana, placing a hand on her shoulder.

"San, you okay?" Santana takes a deep breath.

"I think. It's been a while since I smelled cooked breakfast." Understanding dawns in Brittany. Cook. Stove. _Fire_. She places a hand on Santana's cheek and winces inside at the cold temperature. Only minutes ago, Santana's cheek was flushed with heat and life.

"Hey. Look at me." She commands softly. She waits until Santana meets her eyes. "It's going to be okay. Quinn knows, right? Let's trust her on this. Nothing's going to happen. Everything's going to be okay." Santana takes a deep breath in response, willing herself to believe not with herself but with Quinn and Brittany.

"Okay." She says even though the idea of seeing _it_ for the first time since everything changed scares the hell out of her. She knows she has to face fire sooner or later but she wasn't expecting to do it today which makes nothing any better. Brittany takes her hand and leads her slowly to the kitchen.

"_Morning S!" Tiana greets her as soon as she stepped inside the kitchen. Santana groans, the loud voice giving birth to headaches._

"_Not so loud, T. 'Morning." _

"_Good morning, mija." Her mom says, giving her a plate of bacon and eggs._

"_Morning Mama." Her dad walks in to the kitchen looking very much like Santana. The two were never a morning person. He pats her on the back as he sits beside her and smiles a sleepy smile up at his wife and Tiana. _

"_Morning Papi!" Tiana greets. Her father flinches._

"_Not so loud, kiddo. 'Morning." The three girls burst into laughter._

"_You said the same thing as S, Pa!" Tiana says between laughter. Santana and her father looked at each other and smile sheepishly, both secretly loving every moment of their every morning routine._

"Q! You made breakfast!" Santana snaps out of her daze, eyes darting around immediately.

"Yes, I did, B. And San? Don't bother panicking. There's nothing to panic about. See?" Quinn gestures at the silent and plain stove. Santana releases the breath she doesn't even know she's holding in. As soon as Brittany realizes that everything's okay just like she said, she turns to smile smugly at Santana.

"Not a word." Brittany keeps silent, the 'I told you so' statement held at the tip of her tongue. "And you? Unbelievable." She glares at Quinn who smirks at her.

"Is that any way to say thank you, S?" Santana flops down on the counter and Brittany follows, accepting their plate of bacon and eggs.

"Yeah, well I think you were secretly trying to kill me." Quinn laughs heartily.

"I'm you friend. Not a murderer."

"Whatever." Santana takes the first bite of bacon and damn it, she wasn't able to hold back a moan of delight. She meets Quinn's smirk and hears Brittany's held back laughter.

"What?"

"Say it." Quinn presses. Santana scowls.

"No."

"Say. It." Quinn takes away Santana's plate before the brunette can react. Santana stares helplessly at food in Quinn's hands. She growls at the blonde. Brittany explodes in fits of laughter.

"San, just say it!" Brittany coaches Santana through her joy. Santana glares at Quinn and Quinn glares back.

"Th…you." She mumbles.

"What was that, Santana? I don't think I heard that." Santana flushes.

"THANK YOU." Santana says loudly. Quinn puts the plate back in front of the brunette and she immediately digs in, reveling at the natural heat of the food and the cooking oil.

"That wasn't so hard." Quinn takes a bite of bacon herself and Brittany follows suit. Santana scoffs.

"Bacon whore." Santana says.

"Bitch!"

"I know."

"Guys!" Brittany referees. "You know what, someday, both of you might end up killing each other."

"We know." Santana and Quinn replies at the same time making Brittany smile at the adorability of it all. The brunette gets infected by the bright smile and has no choice but to smile herself.

"Anyway, something's different with the two of you. Did you two have sex?" Santana chokes on her food. And Brittany rushes to pat her back and hand her a glass of water.

"Q! Crude much?" Brittany says, blushing hard herself.

"Oh, so you did! San, you sure move fast." Santana takes a moment to recover.

"We didn't do it, you idiot!" She rasps out.

"We kissed though." Santana chokes on her water as Quinn nearly falls from her chair, laughing.

"B!" Brittany looks at her confused.

"What?"

"Nice, S!" Quinn whoops. Santana groans. Brittany leans in to whisper into Santana's ear.

"I think she might be sexually frustrated cause Caleb's not giving her any fun." This time, Santana chokes on nothing and then she smirks at Quinn who notices the change.

"At least we're getting some action. What about you, _Q_?" Santana draws out the Q. "Caleb's been holding out on you?" Quinn blushes and smartly opts to keep her mouth shut. The trio stares at each other for a full minute before they burst into laughter.

Quinn and Brittany share a look of pride and amazement at Santana's laugh. They spend the most of it listening to their friend's rare joy.

And in that moment, Santana knows, she wouldn't trade _this_ moment for anything.

/

"Someone looks like she just got fucked." Santana turns at the familiar voice and sees Puck coming towards her. She rolls her eyes dramatically, all with a small smile. "So did you? Get laid, I mean." Santana slaps his arm hard.

"No! And I do not look like anything but myself." Santana says, as she continues on signing the papers that needed to be signed. She lets Puck laugh his heart out.

"Say, I need to go pass by the hospital today, before lunch. I have to get my sweet mother's meds personally from her doctor."

"Aww, Puck. That's so cute." Puck hears the sarcasm in her voice and he scowls at her.

"Shut up." Santana chuckles quietly. "So?"

"Yeah, okay." Santana agrees, finishing the last of her paperwork.

They proceed to the hospital as soon as Puck managed to finish his paperwork. They walk the few blocks away from the law firm, each lost in their own thoughts until Santana decides to voice out her own.

"I kissed her." Puck rounds on her, a smirk in place.

"That's my girl!" He pats her on the back. Santana glares at him. "What's with the scary face? Aren't you supposed to be over the moon or something?"

"I kissed her, Puck. How the hell am I supposed to execute plan push her away now?" puck sighs, exasperated.

"That was never part of your plan Santana. You fool yourself that it is but really? Honestly? You need her too much to actually do that."

"I know."

"Then what's keeping you back from awesome sex?" Santana chooses to ignore the sex part because it's only normal for Puck.

"I don't know. I think I'm just afraid that she might find something in me that she doesn't like and then she'll decide to leave." Santana mumbles, not really fond of admitting her fears.

"Oh come on, Satan! Give her some credit here!"

"I know!" There's a tinge of exasperation and frustration coloring her voice, her eyebrows scrunched together trying to make sense of fate's decision to cross their paths. "I know." And she does. She knows that it's very unlikely that Brittany would do that to her.

"So shut up and live in the moment. Suck it in while it's still there. If you're afraid, then make the most of the moments when you're not. Because that's what matters."

"You know, I'll never get over your wise moments." Puck glares at her.

"And I'll never get tired of recognizing a thank you behind your wonderfully colored words." Santana smirks at him. They stop right in front of the hospital.

"I'll wait for you here? Hurry up your ass, I have a lunch to get to." Santana sits down on the bench farthest from the Hospital entrance and the buzz of doctors, nurses, and patients. Puck shoots her an apologetic look. After all those months, he thought she'd be at least fit to step inside a hospital. Turns out, she isn't ready yet. He takes the stairs two steps at a time, walking faster than usual.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm sorry, I know this is painful, but we need you to confirm that these were your family." The past tense sends a shudder through Santana's frail, injured body. The burns at her back tingle and tears threaten to overflow. She nods not trusting her voice to produce the proper sounds.<em>

_The guy gives her a sympathetic look, a look Santana would soon learn to hate. She grips her arms like her lifeline and takes a deep breath to steady herself when the guy slowly pulls the sheets down. Bile rises to her throat almost as soon as she sees the remnants of brown hair so familiar and excruciatingly painful. She feels a little bit of her soul being torn apart. And this time, she couldn't stop the tears._

"_She's suspected to be Tiana Lopez, your sister? Is this she?" Santana hears the voice like it's from faraway. The question doesn't register even after the full minute. She blinks hard. She opens her mouth to answer the question but instead, she grabs for the pail ready beside her and pushes out the food left in her system. Nurses come and they offer her water which she gratefully accepts. She fills the burns open and bleed but more than that, Santana feels a stab to her heart. She downs her water and takes a moment to steady herself at least in order to be able to answer the question. Santana holds her breath and looks back up at the body, recognizing half of the face as her sister. _

"_Yes." She chokes out, the pain almost unbearable._

_But they move on. From Tiana, to her mother, and father. She barely recognizes her own dad, a person who's been there for her every step of her life. The only thing that helps her identify him is his birthmark the shape of an S on his palm. _

_Santana walks out of the room in tears, smelling of vomit and blood. She walks through the hospital hallways in pain, wishing nothing more than her own death. The white walls reply to her plea with nothing but deafening silence._

* * *

><p>Santana closes her eyes, feeling the memory open barely healed wounds. She feels it access a chained and bolted part of her mind, unleashing a memory, a ghost, a shadow of her pain. She wonders why she agreed to accompany Puck when she knows that this was going to happen.<p>

"S!" A child's voice yelling out her initial snaps her out of her pain and she looks for the source of the voice. She spots familiar black hair in the crowd, and an even more familiar face.

"MIGGY!" She calls back. The boy starts running toward her, discarding the warning hand that tried to stop him. Santana bends down and opens her arms. Miguel wraps his child arms around Santana's neck, gripping with everything he's got. Santana hugs him back, chuckling happily. She pulls back after a little while, properly sizing up her cousin.

"You've gotten big, _mi primo_. I missed you!" Santana ruffles his hair and Miguel smiles his big toothless smile.

"I missed you too, S!"

"All these years, and you still can't say my whole name?" Santana smirks at the glare Miguel's giving her.

"It's too long! I saw Kwi!"

"Quinn?"

"Yep!"

"Miguel? I told you not to run off." The woman's stern voice freezes Santana. Of course. How idiotic of her to forget that Miguel would be here with his mother. She pushes herself to stand up just as Miguel is picked up by her mother. The woman hasn't changed a bit since the last time she saw her which was here in this exact location.

"_I don't know you! We don't know you!"_

"_We're not taking _her_ in, Richard. She doesn't deserve a home."_

"_Shut up! I am not the bad guy here. You are! It's your fault they're gone! All of this is your fault."_

"_You're worth nothing."_

Gabriela had turned her back on her when Santana needed her most. She blamed her for everything that had happened disregarding the fact that maybe Santana's hurting so much more than she is. Santana would never forget that night. She would never forget how someone even if that someone is your family can turn their back on you when you need them most. Quinn had been there to witness her last moments with her 'aunt' and that's why it was she who took her in and cared for her.

In all truth and reality, Santana fears this woman more than anything.

Her heart aches and the band-aids holding her together rip slowly. And just like that, Santana's bleeding again.

"Come on, let's go home, Papa's waiting in the car." Gabriela turns them both around, not even glancing at Santana's direction. Miguel however, looks longingly at her but Santana waves goodbye at him.

"Bye, S!" Miguel waves back tearfully.

Santana watches them walk away.

Just as Puck returns, Santana's keeping tears at bay. She looks at him and Puck thinks that he's never seen anyone so lonely before.

"You okay?" Santana shakes her head no.

"I have to go." She husks out. Puck lets her.

* * *

><p>"Hey, gorgeous." Caleb greets Quinn as sits down on his side of the table. Quinn blushes and Brittany squeals like a fan girl. "Hey, Britt!"<p>

"Oh, don't mind me. Go on with your business." Brittany says, waving the attention off. Caleb smirks.

"Don't mind if I do." Caleb leans in to the unsuspecting Quinn and he succeeds in kissing her cheek right and ducking just as Quinn's hand come up to slap him.

"Caleb, what the hell!" She exclaims, flushed and embarrassed. Brittany giggles until Quinn glares at her.

"Oh, stop it. I know you loved it." Quinn blushes like crazy and Caleb laughs heartily.

"Santana laughed today." Caleb looks at his blonde, incredulous.

"Really? Well, I'll be. Is the world ending anytime soon? What happened?" Brittany flushes and suddenly takes great interest on the plain tissue in front of her.

"She happened." Quinn gestures to Brittany. "Thank you for that by the way. It's been so long since she laughed genuinely." Brittany smiles, blushing.

"Thank _you_ for letting me in last night. I _am_ sorry about that by the way. I didn't mean to barge in to your house that late. I just felt like she needed me to be there."

"And she does. Even when she says she doesn't. She sure as hell does." Caleb says. Brittany nods, committing his words to memory.

"Where in the world is Santana anyway?" Quinn asks, smiling. She notices Brittany glance at her phone as Caleb shrugs.

"I've been texting her but she's not answering her phone."

"Don't worry. I'm sure she's okay." Quinn says, hoping herself that Santana really is.

/

"You know, there's this thing called appointment. It's relatively new but I'm sure you're familiar with it." Mercedes says as Santana barges into her office. "You're lucky no one's here at the moment." Santana raises a hand, shaking her head. This time, Mercedes notices the distressed state her client is in. She motions for the Latina to sit down on the couch. Santana lies down on the couch, her arm covering her eyes.

Mercedes doesn't push her to say anything for doing so might just push Santana father away from progress. She watches her instead and takes note of the few tears that began to slide down her face. Whatever it is that had happened to her it must be bad for Santana to actually show something other than sarcasm, denial, and anger.

A minute turns into five and five turns into sixty. On the seventy-fifth minute of silence and tears, Mercedes hesitates before opening her mouth. But Santana beats her to it.

"I was happy this morning." Mercedes hears her mumble. She waits for her to continue. "I was happy and then..." Santana doesn't continue. She can't continue, to be exact.

She feels like she's breaking into a million pieces. Santana realizes that she hasn't made progress at all. Otherwise, she would have been able to stand up to her aunt. Otherwise, she would have been able to face her friends. She realizes that she's doing nothing but running away and denying the harsh reality.

Up until now, Santana hadn't realized that she'd just been pushing the bad memories away. But she knows now. It doesn't work like that. You have to face bad memories before you can let go of them.

"You want to know what I feel, right?" Santana looks Mercedes straight in the eye. "I feel like dying every single day of my godforsaken life."

Santana stands up, holding Mercedes' gaze a moment longer before moving toward the door. As soon as the door snaps shut, Mercedes lets out a long sigh. She thinks that maybe it was time to consider a change of profession. But then again, right now, her job is to fix the broken.

Question is, can she help glue back something shattered?

* * *

><p>Santana walks amidst the crowded streets until the sun disappears behind the horizon. It felt good to be lost in thousands of people who don't know a thing about her except maybe the fact she's not okay. No one will judge. Some of them, most of them, won't even care. She walks back home afterward. After all, it's the only place she has right now.<p>

"Where have you been? We've been worried!" Quinn says as soon as she opens the door. Santana looks at her and the lifeless eyes scare the hell out of Quinn. "What happened?"

"I went to the hospital today. Stayed outside. Saw my aunt. Got ignored by my aunt. Broke down in a shrink's office of all places. And you couldn't even find the time to tell me that you saw my cousin." There was no accusation in her voice, only emptiness. Quinn would have preferred it if the Latina screamed her head off.

Santana walks past Quinn, too tired to get mad. She thinks that she might not make it to the bedroom before she collapses. So she stumbles her way to the couch. She freezes when a sleeping Brittany greets her just as she was about to crash into the couch.

"She's been waiting for you all day. She's been worrying her ass off." Santana doesn't respond and Quinn gets a little desperate. She really didn't mean to not tell her. Santana was just so happy that morning that she lost the courage to do so. "I'm so sorry, San." Santana turns to her, shaking her head and giving her a small smile. Quinn ducks her head down before walking out of the living room.

Santana stares at Brittany's perfect face.

"_You're worth nothing."_

"I don't deserve you." Santana whispers. "But I need you." She crawls to Brittany's side, pressing herself to the warmth. Brittany stirs.

"San?" Santana doesn't say anything because hearing her voice breaks all her defenses. The dam overflows and tears flow out. Santana grips Brittany's shirt like it's her only hope.

Brittany feels something cold seep through her shirt and instantly, it jerks her awake.

"Santana? Are you okay? What's wrong?" Instead of a reply, she feels Santana bury herself further into her. Brittany automatically wraps her arms around the brunette.

"Hold me." Santana rasps out through her sobs. Brittany's arms tighten around her and Santana revels in the feeling.

"Let it out, San. I'm here." She lets out a broken sob and Brittany thinks that she'd never heard of anything sound so sad and lonely.

"Don't let go."

"Never."

Brittany holds her through the torment of the night.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I am so sorry if I've been taking longer than usual. This week's been nothing but stress and it's only Wednesday. **

**Oh my God. The last chapter had 28 reviews. 28. And I'm pretty sure I'm the happiest writer alive. THANK YOU SO MUCH! The alerts reached a hundred already. I love you all. For the anonymous reviews, I hope you know that I'm just as thankful and I hope to hear from you in this chapter. I'm not kidding when I say the reviews made me super happy. I wonder how much response this chapter will get. ;) tell me what you think people. You guys are doing great at keeping me away from a writer's block. Again, I love you guys and this chapter is dedicated to all of you. You guys are holding me up way better than I can hold myself up.**

**Brittana (Soulmates!),**

**theangel1710**


	9. Chapter 9: Hide and Seek

**Chapter 9: Hide and Seek**

It's been five days.

It's been five days since Brittany woke up, cold and alone. It's been five days since she started leaving messages in Santana's phone because she wouldn't pick up. It's been five days since she heard from Santana at all. She tried reaching her. She went to the law firm but Puck remained tight-lipped and would only shake his head until Brittany decides to give up and search somewhere else. She went to the house but each and every time, Quinn answers the door instead, a constant worried look on her face.

"San, please. Please answer your phone. I'm worried sick about you. Call me back. Please." Brittany ends the voice mail and sighs as she gets up from her bed, tired form the lack of sleep from another night filled with unease. She tries to count how many messages she'd left. Twenty?Thirty?

Brittany goes through her morning routine like she's a zombie. Her mind is filled with thoughts of Santana and where the brunette could possibly be. Sure, she understands that Santana needed her space. But after the first couple of days of not hearing from her, Brittany began to worry that something might have happened.

The blonde sighs, feeling her tasteless breakfast push its way down her throat.

It's pointless, she thinks, glaring at her favorite cereal as if it were at fault. She marches to the counter and lifts the lid of the trash can violently before throwing the remaining contents of her breakfast inside. She washes the dishes in tense silence and when she's done, she grips the counter hard.

"Damn it, Santana." She says. Anger, a foreign feeling, courses through her veins. But Brittany knows that she's not angry at anyone else but herself.

She promised her that she wouldn't let go, yet she feels like that's exactly what she's doing. Brittany feels angry at herself for being useless. She'd finally managed to reach a part of Santana and here she is sulking because the real issue has nothing to do with Santana pulling away. Deep inside, she's afraid of being with Santana. She's afraid that she might lose who she is right now in order to be who Santana need.

_Tears cascaded down the perfect face she'd grown to look out for – the face that unknowingly made an impact on her in such a way that she looks for it at the end of the day because she knows her day is never really complete without seeing her. The blonde has no idea when she started feeling like she wants to live for the sole purpose of living for Santana. Brittany wraps a firm arm around the trembling Santana, pulling her close and maybe in a sense, pulling herself as intact as possible._

The blonde closes her eyes, and forces herself to calm down. She sorts out her emotions and lets the anger be flushed out of her system. She digs through her memories, trying to locate the memory of that feeling that pushed her to do something, anything for Santana.

It started with a wary look, a quiet chuckle, a broken expression. Then there was the shining fear, the cold blade of panic, and painful memories. She had countered every negative thing with a promise, a hug, and a smile. In turn, Santana responded by protecting her, letting her stay, opening up to her. Then she held her, let her cry, and told her that she'd stay. Santana had kissed her. And then…

…and then she laughed.

Brittany could remember vividly how Santana's permanent frown disappeared into nothingness, how full, pouty lips stretched, how the tingling sound had touched her core, and how carefree and happy Santana had looked like.

Her heart begins to thump faster and slowly, she feels that feeling of seeing her laugh once again and Brittany knows that she'd found herself once again. She remembers that she began to care when Santana only knew how to frown and make sarcastic remarks and she'd started to fall for her when she laughed.

Brittany's falling. And she's as sure as hell not going to do anything to stop it. She releases a relieved sigh and smiles softly, the sound Santana's laughter ringing in her head.

Today.

Today, no matter what, she _will_ find Santana.

* * *

><p>"Someone's having a bad day." Mercedes says as she watches Santana barge in through her office with the force of a hurricane. She throws her entire body to the couch, her back hitting the cushion hard. Santana doesn't even flinch. It's like she feels nothing but the red and hot emotion taking over her entire being.<p>

"It's fucking unfair." Santana starts. Mercedes readies her pen and paper and waits for Santana to finish. This is the first time Santana actually offered something to her without having to be forced. Santana growls and Mercedes could see the rage reflected in her usually broken eyes.

Santana could feel the fire burning her being. It was overwhelming and disorienting that after all this time, she could still feel so much anger. She could feel it in everything.

"It's everywhere. When I wake up in the morning, I feel like throwing something at my reflection. When I see Quinn and Caleb, I feel like burning the ground they're walking on. When I hear _Brittany_, I feel like killing 's fucking unfair because I'm supposed to be mending. It's unfair because I can't even feel anything aside from this deep shit feeling." Santana inhales and even the pleasure of breathing angers her. What right does she have after all, to breathe in fresh air?

Mercedes watches her client. She's different today. She wasn't broken and on a positive note, she's no longer in denial. But she's angry and Mercedes knows that Santana might not even know why she's feeling that way.

"Why are you angry?" Santana glares at the ceiling and Mercedes is surprised that it doesn't melt.

"I'm angry at the injustice of my life. I'm angry at how nothing is how it's supposed to be. I'm angry at the fact that I have to talk to you to make myself better because I can't do it alone."

"Okay." Mercedes says once she's finished. "But what's the _real_ reason you're angry?" Santana glares at her.

"I just told you, Wheezy."

"No, you told me the things you're angry at. But do you know why you're angry at those things? Do you know why you're angry at the unfairness of it all, the fact that nothing is right, and at me for being able to help you? I didn't ask you what are you angry at, Ms. Lopez I asked you why you feel that anger." Mercedes says in a tone that pisses off Santana.

Santana says nothing, not knowing how to answer the question and this time, Santana feels anger at herself for not knowing. Today, she decides, either the world is against her or she is against the world because of some unfathomable reason.

"You need to figure out why, Santana. You need to know before your anger becomes something that can hurt the people you care about." The brunette remains silent, the frustration doing nothing but continue to rise. She feels helpless against it, yet she wants nothing more than to escape from everything.

She's powerless.

Santana doesn't say anything for the remaining thirty minutes of the session opting to stay quiet in an attempt to somehow appease the volcano inside her. After the session, she stands up mechanically, not even sparing Mercedes a glance. She walks out of the room as calmly as she can but as soon as she's greeted by the busy buzz of the city, everything is back to red again and she can't do anything about it.

She fights more ferociously at court, trying to make good use of her anger. She states her points clearly and out of the thirty something people in the small room, her client was the only one smiling happily at her. She forces her stand on the opposing attorney, staring him down as if her life depended on it. The judge declared her client innocent as if she did so to get the brunette out of the courtroom as soon as possible.

"Whoa there, tiger." Santana glares at the source of the voice. Puck greets her with both hands raised in defense, an amused smile on his face.

"Something you need, Puckerman?" Santana works to keep her voice leveled.

"I just wanted to come by and congratulate you. Heard you won a case so fast, I think you broke the record." Santana continues to move towards her office, intent on ignoring the man beside her. "Oh come on. I go out of my way to talk to you and you ignore me."

"Go find someone to fuck, Puckerman and leave me alone." Puck raises an eyebrow at the snide remark.

"What got your Satan out and about?"

"Seriously, leave me alone." Santana curses Puck's stubborn attitude.

"So, are you going to stop going to Henessey's right after finishing your nonexistent paperwork in broad daylight?" Puck says.

"Now why would I do that?"

"Brittany was here yesterday and the day before that and the day before that…"

"I know!"

"Blondie looked like she was gonna cry. Don't you think it's time to leave a blank message at the least?" Santana sighs.

"No. Not yet. Not until I fix whatever the hell is wrong with me."

"Sweetheart, that's gonna take a lifetime." Santana slaps Puck's arms and Puck playfully dodges the assault, already expecting it. "But seriously, sort your shit. She can't wait forever you know."

"I'm trying you jackass!" Puck smiles sadly at her.

"Try harder." He dodges and manages to get away before she can reach him. Santana angrily opens the door and slamming it shut with a force that shook the building. Her secretary cowered behind the desk and Santana could see the beads of sweat forming on his forehead.

"Do I have anything for the rest of this godforsaken afternoon?" She asks coldly. Her secretary searches through the piles of paper trying to locate her schedule. He finds it with a relieved smile, his hands shaking.

"You're free to go, Ma'am." Santana walks past him before he could finish the sentence, flopping down on her comfortable chair and immediately began sifting through the cases of her desk that could wait till tomorrow.

"Fucking people can't solve their own fucking problems." She mutters under her breath darkly. The fuming brunette reads through case after case, trying to find something worth reading. Finally, just after two o' clock, she sets down the papers and sighs heavily. She missed lunch again. Brittany's break should be over by now. She's safe to go out. Santana spins around to look at the city through the massive glass.

She picks up her phone from deep in her bag. She had turned it off in an effort to avoid her calls. The first thing that greeted her as she switched it on is a new voicemail and six text messages. She opened the voicemail first.

"_San, please. Please answer your phone. I'm worried sick about you. Call me back. Please."_

Santana's heart aches at the desperation and sadness in Brittany's voice. She hates it more than anything yet she needs to stay away from Brittany for a while. She's not an idiot after all. She knows what her anger can do. She knows how sharp it is and more often than not, she knows how she can end an entire relationship with her words. It's already a miracle that Quinn and Caleb and maybe even Puck stayed. She's not willing to push her luck on Brittany. She doesn't deserve it.

_Brittany's chest rises up and down calmly. Santana is surrounded by everything that is Brittany. Her smell, her arms, her hair. She could hear the blonde's heart, her ear pressed against her chest. Santana breathes her in a moment longer before lifting her head and looking at Brittany's face. She's sleeping uneasily. And as Santana moves to pull away slightly, Brittany shifts in her sleep, her body instantly tense. Santana stills until the blonde relaxes once again, her hold on her slightly lose. Santana moves out of her arms as gently as she could. Once she succeeded, she sits at the edge of the couch watching Brittany sleep._

_She has to leave._

_She could feel the beginnings of anger blossom in her chest, slowly taking over cell by cell. She's stuck. She's still fucking stuck even after almost two years after. More than that, she's still dragging people around. She's still hurting someone. She's still robbing someone of their right to sleep restfully in the night. _

_She has to leave._

_She has to sort out everything before she blows on the one person she wants to protect more than anything. Santana reaches out to brush a stray strand of hair from Brittany's face. The streetlight outside is hitting the blonde's face and Santana's breath hitches. _

_She retracts her hand. She stands up. She walks away._

Santana tears her eyes away from the busy city. She stands up from her chair and reaches for her bag. She puts the thickest case in it walks away from her desk. Her secretary tenses as if awaiting all hell to break loose. Santana would have laughed. Maybe another day. She walks out of the door. Not more than ten feet away from the exit, Santana spots Puck. She sees his posture immediately change. And then Santana sees _her_.

Moving as swift as she can, she moves to hide herself behind a large post closest to Puck and Brittany.

"Puck. Please. I need to know where she is." Brittany says. She rushed here as soon as she finished lunch with Quinn and Caleb. She figured that since the Latina was not able to make it to their daily lunch, she might still be at work. Initially, she wanted to search for the Latina herself. But that option was quickly crossed out as soon as she stepped inside the massive building. Puck found her after almost ten minutes of staring dumbly at the entrance.

"I swear, I don't know where she is." Puck says. Brittany, as panicked as she was looks skeptically at the man in front of her.

"You're lying." She says bluntly. At this point, all desperation can be seen on her face. Behind the post, Santana watches the conversation while making sure that she's completely out of Brittany's line of sight.

"I'm not! Besides, you know her, Britt. If she's been nowhere near you then the only thing I can say is that she needs to stay away from a while."

"I know that! But she's been missing for five days! Five days, Puck. I'm worried."

"I'm sure she's fine."

"She's not! I know she's not." Puck knows that he's running out of excuses and he had to get the blonde away from the place as soon as possible. He could practically feel the agitation radiating from Santana and the intense desperation from Brittany. Goddamn it. He thinks why of all people it had to be him stuck in the middle of this. He thinks that he deserves better than this. For example, a threesome.

"Brittany, I know it's hard. But please she needs to be alone for the moment. She doesn't want to hurt you."

"She's already hurting me." Brittany says, her eyes downcast. Damn you, Santana, for making a girl like this cry, Puck thinks. Behind the post, Santana curses her life for the nth time.

"Everything's going to be okay. Don't give up. She'll come out eventually. You just have to wait." Santana hears her sniff and she hates herself more than anything.

_I'm sorry, B._

"You know, I think it's about time you cut your crap, get your head together, and face your anger." Puck's voice surprises her. He's glaring at her. "You heard her, didn't you? You're hurting her. You're doing the one reason why you're avoiding her. It's time to get the fuck up Santana. .Hurting. Her." He walks away from her before she could retaliate.

Santana stands alone and lost in the crowd of busy people with their own problems. Her fists are clenched, her expression pained. She knows that Puck is right but until and unless she fixes the rage within her, she can't afford to face Brittany. She's going to hurt her more than she already has.

Santana walks her way home though in her head, she feels more like crawling.

* * *

><p>Quinn walks through the doors of Caleb's <em>building<em> with a sense of pride. She had the office dismiss her early for today, wanting to spend time with Caleb. She spent most of last night thinking about him and about how it's time to tell him what she feels. Quinn smiles inwardly and she's practically glowing. The people around her stare longer than necessary as she walks through the glass doors, chin up high, heels clicking confidently. The people at the lobby nod shyly at her. They let her in without question, used to the routine whenever she visits.

She walks in the elevator and she could hardly wait. She thinks about tomorrow and how it's going to be so different and the same. She thinks about how she's finally ready to have another relationship. She thinks about how she could finally trust someone to care for her for the rest of her life if possible. Suddenly, the elevator is taking to slow and Quinn finds herself tapping her foot excitedly. When the door finally opened to Caleb's office, Quinn's smile couldn't get any bigger. She walks fast and with purpose to the secretary.

And then, her world shatters.

* * *

><p>Caleb sighs. He sulks on his desk trying to get the work piled on it done as soon as possible. His secretary refuses to let him go, saying that it is her job to make sure that his ass stays on his thousand dollar chair until and unless he finishes everything. Caleb curses himself for hiring such a responsible secretary. Now he's stuck signing a lot of contracts and making phone calls since the day started and he wants nothing more than to spend the rest of the day with Quinn.<p>

Caleb sighs a second time and his secretary shoots him a glare to which he retaliates with his own glare. He huffs and looks back it the bunch of expensive-looking paper creating their own kind of chaos on his desk. He starts of thinking of ways of getting the hell out of his office. He loves his job, no doubt. But he loves Quinn more.

Caleb decides that option one is simply stupid. He's not going to jump from twenty floors and expect to be alive by the time his face meets the asphalt. Option two, the hey-I-need-to-use-the-bathroom excuse has little chance of working since his secretary would most likely make a guard follow him because the last time he pulled that card out, his phone almost broke with all the missed calls and the company almost shut down. Option three is just the result of his lack of better imagination. He _will_ not crawl his way out of the office. But option four had the most chance that it will work. But doing it is idiotic. There are a lot of buts in option number four but Caleb thinks that if he really wants to get the hell out of this office he'd have to do it. It will most likely work. After all, his secretary's a girl at heart to right?

He standsup from his chair instantly acquiring her wary attention. Caleb brushes a hand through his unruly back hair and sighs a third time that day. He knows that this would irk his secretary thereby winning her complete and undivided attention. He looks at her as if only noticing the attention he was getting for the last seconds. Caleb gives her his trademark charming smile and against the afternoon light, he looked like he was character lifted right out of a clichéd romantic book. His secretary flushes a brilliant pink color. And then, as if catching herself, she quickly gains composure and instead glares at him.

"You're not done, sir. There are a lot more things you need to do." She says, sternly and stubbornly. Caleb curses inside. Nevertheless, deciding that it was too early to give up, he saunters over to her and plants his hands on her desk making sure to flex his muscles. His secretary looks completely and utterly uninterested that Caleb loses hope and therefore drops the fourth option of flirting his way out.

"Oh, come on, Sheila! I've been stuck in this office for the whole day. I have a life, you know."

"I have a life too, sir." Sheila says evenly.

"I have a girlfriend!" She raises a perfect eyebrow.

"Did she say it already?" Caleb looks away.

"Soon." Sheila laughs and Caleb glares at her. "Let me out of here and I'll make her say it to me."

"You can't force a girl to do or say anything, _sir_. Every gentleman knows that." Caleb sighs. It's time to pull out the last and probably the only card he has from the start. He digs in his pocket and pulls out a velvet rectangular box.

"I want to give this to her." Caleb lifts the velvet cover to reveal a silver necklace. It had a small, platinum ring dangling at the center. "It's a promise ring. I had it strung to the necklace because I want her to wear it when she's ready. It's been in my freaking pocket for a _week_, Sheila. I _need _to give it to her." His secretary gazes at the necklace and ring, impressed. She looks up at him.

"You really think she'll be ready someday." Caleb lifts the necklace from the box, his gaze tender and soft and Sheila knows she's never seen someone so in love in her entire life.

"I don't think so. I know so. Even if it takes her a long time, I'll wait. She's worth more than anything money can buy." Sheila touches the ring lightly. And Caleb holds it with pride.

"What will you say when you give this to her."

"The one thing I want to live my life saying."

"And what's that?" Caleb smiles a genuine smile.

"… 'I love you'." Sheila giggles and whispers "sap" to which Caleb flushes in embarrassment.

In that moment, Quinn, who was there to witness the last three lines of their conversation, drops her phone creating a loud clatter. Caleb looks at her stunned. Tears are building at the corner of her eyes fast and Caleb takes a step toward her.

"Quinn! Q, listen to me." Quinn shakes her head, unable to speak through the pain of hearing him say those words to someone other than her. She takes a step back, trying to make as much distance form him as possible.

"Q, please. It's not what it looks like." Quinn gives him the glare that she and Santana were known for. Caleb turns desperate just as she processes hurt as anger.

"How dare you." She spits out, her fists clenched hard. She spares a glance at the secretary who looks as mortified as Caleb. Anger overtakes her judgment. "Enjoy life without me." She growls before turning on her heels and running to the elevator that was about to close. Caleb couldn't come after her even if he wanted to. He stands frozen in the middle of his office, his mind unable to process what he may have just lost.

"Damn it, Quinn."

* * *

><p>Quinn bursts through her front door just in time as the tears she worked so hard to keep in began to fall. She blindly takes of her shoes and throws her keys to the kitchen counter. She stumbles her way to the refrigerator deciding it is definitely the right moment to bring out her gallon of chocolate ice cream. She digs through the contents of the ref.<p>

"Where the fuck is the damn ice cream?" She yells out.

"It's here!" Santana's voice from the living room startles her. She'd gotten used to the silence of the house after five days of coming home and going out of it alone that she really was not expecting anyone. Quinn grunts as she stands up from the floor. She brisk walks to the living room, needing the relief from the heartache fast.

"You're home early and you look like crap." Santana says as soon as she appears from the doorway. She surveys Quinn from head to toe and notes the wet cheeks and red-rimmed eyes. Quinn glares at her and the brunette smiles sheepishly.

"I'm surprised _you're_ home." The blonde quips. She grabs the gallon of ice cream out of Santana's hands, immediately shoving a spoonful in her mouth. She pulls her feet to her chest, looking over at Santana. Just like what she did, Quinn surveys her companion, noting the mess she calls hair and bruises on her knuckles.

"Stop staring. You're creeping me out." Santana says, looking away from Quinn.

"How'd the wall feel?" Santana flexes her knuckles slowly.

"Like a bitch."

"Well, duh. Where the hell were you? You're really making it a habit to make us worry a lot. Have you ever heard of the boy who cried wolf?" Quinn shoves another spoon in her mouth.

"Mind your own shit." Santana says, retrieving the ice cream from Quinn and showing two spoonfuls before Quinn could protest. "Why the hell did you have to buy _chocolate_ ice cream? We are so going to blow." The brunette tries to deflect. She looks back to Quinn and curiosity finally gets the best of her. "What happened to _you_?" Quinn glares at her.

"Mind your own shit."

"Fair enough." The duo turns to the TV.

"What are we watching?" Quinn asks, taking the ice cream.

"_No Strings Attached_. It's about to end though." They fall into their own thoughts as they watch the characters in the movie bare their hearts to each other.

"It's okay. I watched this already." _With Caleb_, she thinks.

"…_but I love you. I'm totally and completely in love with you and I don't care if you think it's too late, I'm telling you anyway." _

Silence.

"Goddammit, say something you idiot!" Santana yells and Quinn nods her agreement.

"She's finally committing to you and you friggin' stare at her?" Quinn mutters darkly. Santana's hands find the pillow beside her and decide to squeeze the feathers out of it in frustration. Quinn grips the half-empty ice cream tub, her body leaning forward to the screen slightly.

"_Please say something…"_

"_Wait. You should know…"_

Kutcher pauses and so do Quinn and Santana who were saying the line in perfect sink with the movie. "That if you come any closer, I'm _not _letting you go."

"Move, bitch!" Santana says as soon as she finishes the line with Quinn. When Portman finally drops all hesitation and pushes herself forward to meet waiting lips, Santana and Quinn fall back to the couch, sighing heavily.

"Damn this people. Why are they so lucky? They're not in denial in the end. No anger. They just get their mack on like rabbits. Why can't I have that?" Santana rants, shoving another spoon as soon as she finishes. "I mean, seriously? Why can't they die in sorrow and anguish like how it is in reality?"

"I'm pretty sure no one wants to see that, San."

"Tch."

"Caleb was flirting with another woman." Santana looks at Quinn and without another word, hands the ice cream to her. Quinn doesn't question it. She stares at the brown sweet forlornly. "I was about to tell him I love him too but then as soon as I entered his office, he was all over his slut of a secretary. God, men are huge pigs. I can't believe I actually trusted him." Santana raises an eyebrow.

"Are you sure he was flirting with the woman?"

"Are calling me blind, Lopez?"

"No, Fabray, I'm calling you stupid. Did you even let him explain?"

"What was there to say? I saw it with my own eyes!"

"No, Q. I don't think you did. Caleb is stupid, arrogant, and annoying. He's many things actually. But I don't think he would do that to you." Quinn shoves a spoon forcefully that Santana heard the clash of teeth and metal.

Quinn feels guilty. Damn it, she's to feel betrayed and angry. But no, Santana just had to say that and now here she was thinking that maybe Caleb really had an explanation. She remembers the way his face contorted in pain when she told him to enjoy life without her. The way he seemed frozen and the slightest hint of hurt in his eyes.

She swallows another spoonful.

"Don't hog the ice cream, bitch." Santana says as she grabs the ice cream from her friend. Quinn doesn't retaliate. The brunette feels sympathy for her and as lame as she is in comforting other people, she settles with patting her friend on the arm several times until it feels awkward.

"You should call him." Santana says, thinking how hypocritical she sounds.

"I know." Quinn sighs, the anger from earlier slowly easing away. "You should call her too, you know." She says, pointedly. Santana sighs.

"I know." The brunette drops the spoon. "I was at Henessey's most of the week, trying to sort things out."

"Over alcohol?" Quinn says it with no judgment, just concern.

"I couldn't even drink. I was too angry to drink. Every time I held the bottle, I feel the urge to throw it to someone's face. I was _so_ angry. And I didn't want hurt anyone more than I already had. So I tried staying away from her and her damn perfect life."

"Did that do anything?" Santana closes her eyes.

"_She's already hurting me." _She remembers the quiver in her voice and the way it seemed to drop almost as if the thought was not meant to be shared.

"No."

"Figures."

"We're stupid."

"Uh-huh." Quinn whispers her agreement.

"Damn you and your commitment issues. You know Caleb. You know he's been seeing only you since forever." Quinn smiles sadly at her because she knows that Santana's neither angry nor accusing.

"And damn you for being such an angry person that you can't even see straight past that thick skull of yours or else you'd have been able to understand that the best way to get rid of it is _not _staying away and disappearing for days but to talk it out in order for you to understand why you are angry in the first place." Santana's smile matches that of Quinn's.

* * *

><p>Santana grips the sweater closer to her body. She's standing outside Brittany's doorstep at eleven in the evening. Quinn had kicked her out saying it's about damn time to 'your head out of your ass' to quote. She's been standing on her doorstep for fifteen minutes and is well on her way to considering the option of just coming back tomorrow.<p>

"Do you ever plan on knocking?" Brittany's voice startles the wits out of her and she stumbles away from the door. "Aren't you cold or something?" And in a much quieter voice that Santana had to take a step forward toward the door to hear she asks, "Are you going to run away again?"

Santana stares at her feet hard. The frustration that was drained from her since her conversation with Quinn begins to return and Santana could feel the beginnings of anger. She takes a deep breath and counts to ten, trying to get rid of the red obscuring her vision. She's been fucking up for more than half of her life. She's not going to fuck up this one.

"I'm sorry." She says as clearly and as calmly as she can. She touches the door somehow feeling that Brittany's hand is on the other side. "I'm sorry I made you worry."

"You disappeared, San."

"I know, I'm sorry."

"Is that all you have to say?" Brittany says. It's hurting her that she can't open the door because she wants Santana to realize what she did wrong. It's hurting her that Santana's all alone out there. It's hurting her that she can probably do is talk to her through a wooden door because Santana won't let her anywhere near her.

Santana takes another step forward, leaning her head on Brittany's door. She could hear faint sniffing on the other side and she could only clench her fists to prevent herself from punching the wall as if it were her own face.

"I needed space. I was… am angry. I'm angry because I never healed. I'm angry because I'm still as fucked up as I was when – when _it_ happened. I'm angry because I can't be anywhere near you. I'm angry because I'm ruining your life."

"You're not. That's not true." Brittany says weakly on the other side. The quiver in her voice turns Santana's anger into desperation.

"I _am_. Every single time I cry or live in my own personal hell or have nightmares, I ruin your life. I make you worry, I even make you cry. You don't sleep as restful as you did before you met me. I'm dragging you down with me." Santana says. She is filled with a sudden sense of calm having laid it out there.

"I don't care." Santana's heart breaks and at the same time it mends a little.

"True. But I care. That's why I had to stay away from you."

"I don't understand." Frustration laces Brittany's voice and Santana wishes she could touch her so she could calm her.

"When I'm angry, I do horrible things. I didn't want to hurt you."

"But you did."

"I know. I know and I'm sorry. I understand now. I have to let everything that makes me angry out without hurting anyone. So I'm going to be selfish. Will you let me in, B? I'd like to talk to you and I need you to calm me down. No, I need you for more than that." It takes all of Brittany's will power to stay where she is – to not open the door. She needs to know why Santana would do such a thing. She needs to know if she's hoping for something that exists and that she's not hoping for nothing. She needs to know if Santana would like to stay with her as much as Brittany does.

"Why?" Her voice is hoarse and rough but Santana hears her anyway. "Why me of all people? Why don't you go talk it out with Quinn or Caleb?"

Santana loses the strength in her shoulders and she relaxes, surrendering.

"Because you did this to me. You found me. You made me want to heal…" She hesitates debating if it's the right time. Then again, it doesn't matter. Every day with Brittany will always be the right time. "Because Brittany, I love you so much it makes me want to be the person you deserve."

The door opens then, the light from inside temporarily blinding Santana. There's a flash of blonde hair and teary blue eyes and before she knew it, lips claimed hers. Brittany kisses her like it's the first and last time she's ever going to. Brittany kisses her until she feels a sense of belonging. Brittany kisses her until the fear fades away into nothingness, the anger dissolving into nothing but a memory. She steals her breath away and gives her life at the same time. When she pulls away, Brittany whispers 'I love you' like a mantra, as if she's trying to ingrain it into Santana's scarred soul. She whispers it as if she's trying to heal each and every bleeding would in Santana's heart.

And it was there in Brittany's arms that Santana knows what it feels like to be found.

* * *

><p>They talk for hours that night. Santana spills everything there is. She tells her about how angry she was when she realized that she was still stuck in the past. Then, she tells her how angry she was when she realized that she's dragging everyone to her own hell – something she knows they don't deserve. She tells her how angry she is about being alone and lonely – how angry she is about ruining the lives of others.<p>

In turn, Brittany listens to each and every word as if it were her lifeline. She reaches out to take Santana's hand when she comes to close to crying. She caresses her face when Santana tells her that she didn't mean to hurt her and that she would never ever intentionally do so. She holds her when Santana spills the last of her anger and frustrations and shares the relief the brunette was feeling.

Because really, Santana wasn't the only one who was found.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Blame the internet. It hates me. I am so so sorry about the long waits. I swear I tried to update sooner. To all the anonymous reviews, I hope you know that I thank you so much for sharing to me your thoughts and time. The rest of you, I hope you got my reply. :) to the people who put this on alert, you guys are awesome. Same to those who put me and this story in their favorites. I love you people. Oh yeah, don't worry, I haven't forgotten about Quinn and Caleb. Something to look forward to in the next chapter maybe? ;) **

**This chapter is dedicated to privatephilosopher, the author of Setting Rain on Fire, an awesome, earth-shattering fic by the way. This is for you. Because you know what I want to say before I could even think of it. Because you're there for me. Because you are simply amazing. Don't forget it. Bitch, I want you to know that you're worth more than what you think – that you deserve happiness just as much as the Santana in this story does. I want you to know that this whole story **_**is**_** for you because I want to give you hope that someday everything will be okay. I want you to know that those wounds of yours will heal no matter how impossible you think it may be. I want you to know that you deserve to live your life the way you want to. And most of all, I want you to know that no matter what happens, I will always, **_**always**_** be here for you. :)**

**Guys, tell me what you think? Reviews make me happy. ;)**

**Brittana (perfection),**

**theangel1710**


	10. Chapter 10: Choose Life

**Chapter 10: Choose Life**

Santana stands before the big mirror in her room, naked and bare. She sees the person in the mirror look at her body in a sad, defeated way. At first, she admires the perfect olive skin, the healthy brown hair. She feels pride for her firm stomach, flawless face, and luscious legs – all of which another woman would kill to get. It would be then when the other part of her, the one grounded in reality, would tell her to turn around. The other part of her would beg her not to. It begs her to let her stay in this bubble – the safe bubble where nothing hurts.

Santana never had the courage to turn around.

She lifts her eyes to meet the brown eyes looking straight back at her. She could see no anger in those eyes. It's been long extinguished, released. But there was guilt – that never-ending feeling that gnaws her soul every time she wakes up or when she's had a happy day. Santana gets lost in her own eyes, drowning to the pools of wishes she would whisper only to the rain when no one could hear her and there'd be no sound. Not even hers. Sometimes it scares her that she would actually prefer it that way. It scares her that deep within her, she'd rather it was her taken away from the world. It scares her that she'd do anything to have ten seconds with her family. Ten seconds for her life.

Santana never had the courage to tell anyone.

She kept it locked in her mind, in a part she knew no one could access but her. It's the last fear remaining and the last wish burning. It's what keeps her from turning around. Because she knows that if she turns around, she might actually do something to get the wish to happen. That part of her scares Santana more than anything.

"Lopez! We're going to be late!" Quinn's voice from downstairs trying to battle the downpour outside snaps her out of her deliciously poisonous thoughts. She rushes to put her work clothes and moves away from the mirror but comes back in front of it only to check if she looks presentable. She avoids her own eyes as she straightens out her white blazer. She puts on the mask of confidence that protects her from anyone who wants to strike her down, to take away whatever she has left. Even so, as she approves of the chin held high in the mirror, Santana doesn't look at her eyes because if anyone looked closely, they'd see that it's the only flaw in her mask.

She turns away from the mirror just as her phone buzzes from her bedside table. She grabs it and walks out the door without a glance back.

_Hey there, beautiful. ;) Hope you have a great day today. Don't forget your umbrella. See you later for lunch? :)_

A reluctant smile makes its way to Santana's face. It's been a couple of days since she released all her anger onto Brittany. The girl had been there through everything and for that, Santana would eternally be grateful. Brittany was there when the anger dissipated and guilt took its place. She'd been patient when Santana woke her up with tears and she put up a fight when Santana insisted that she stay at her own bed the following night. It had taken her a pinky promise and the most sincere face she could muster to convince Brittany that this time, she's not going to leave or run away.

Santana types out a quick yes, a promise to pick her up, and a smiley face. She looks at the emoticon silently wondering when she'll finally be able to mean it when she sends it to someone. Santana presses the green phone as soon as Quinn's face swims into view.

"Finally." Quinn breathes in mock annoyance, a weak smirk in place. Santana stops at the last step of the stairs so she's a head taller than the blonde. She crosses her arms and stares sternly at her friend, knowing that for once, she's not the only one going through shit.

"It's your turn to get your head out of your ass, Q." Quinn scowls and looks down to her feet.

"I know. But what if he's still angry?" She fiddles with her thumbs and bites her lips the way she does when she's nervous about something.

"Then you'll have to face that anger because as you know, it _is_ your fault." Quinn winces at the authority in Santana's voice. The brunette steps down from the stairs to place her hands on Quinn's shoulders. "Hey. Don't worry. You know, Caleb. He can never really hate you." Quinn sighs and straightens her shoulders. She puts on the bitch face and sets her chin up high.

"Right."

"Now, there's the bitch I know." Santana says with a smirk. Quinn eyes her.

"Are _you_ okay?"

"Brittany's helping me through whatever it is. Just… I don't know. Just believe that I'll be okay I guess." Santana says softly.

"Satan?" Santana glares at her for using the nickname. But Quinn smiles gently at her and she can't help but smile back. "I never doubted it."

* * *

><p>"Someone looks happy." Mike greets Brittany with a playful grin and the blonde replies with an even wider smile. "How is she?"<p>

"She's letting me in, Mike. She's opening up." Mike offers a high five which Brittany accepts with enthusiasm.

"Knew you could do it. Is she getting better?" He digs up the schedule for the day and hands it to Brittany. She smiles softly and browses the schedule. She feels relieved when she notices that her dance classes ended just before lunch. She has the whole afternoon off.

"Well, she's not angry anymore. She still wakes up in tears though and I think she's not telling me something. But I know her. She'll tell me when she's ready." She hands the schedule to Mike.

"Are _you_ okay?"

"Yes, I am. Seeing her smile when she wakes up makes everything okay. It makes me hope that someday it'll reach her eyes."

"Well, wow, Brittany, you've become profound." Brittany smacks his arm gently. "But I'm happy for you and for her." Brittany answers him with a dazzling smile.

The day moves painfully slow for Brittany. She'd gotten so used to the routine of the dances she was teaching that she could let her mind drift and still be able to kickass on the floor. Her mind would fill with everything that is Santana and that's all it takes for her to be able to smile through the exhaustion. It's amazing, she thinks, how much this one person could do so much to her. She makes her dance better, livelier. She makes her feel good in the morning. And in the littlest of things such Santana's smiles, it would make her want to live through the night and wake up to it each and every day of her life.

Santana may not be okay yet. But Brittany's just happy that she's willing to do something to _heal_. As the blonde bends down to the level of a kid in the class and corrects her gently and with a smile, she feels a sudden urge that makes her heart flutter and feel complete. The kid in front of her blushes and smiles innocently and then runs to meet her mom. The blonde watches them and wonders if someday she'd see Santana holding a child in her arms looking at the child as if she's the only person in the world. More importantly, Brittany wonders if it'll be her to meet Santana and the child at the door, if it will be her who will dance the both of them when they feel down.

It's a secret wish of Brittany's – the only missing puzzle in her life. But she's not going to pressure the Latina into it. First and foremost, Brittany wants her to heal until the scars are almost gone and all that's left are memories to learn from.

Brittany was so lost in her thoughts that she doesn't notice Santana creep up behind her. She jumps a little but relaxes just as quickly as soon as the smell of Santana fills her completely.

"Hey. You were kind of spaced out there. Where'd you go?" Santana says. She had left work early just so she can pick up Brittany and was pleasantly surprised when she spots the blonde helping a little kid with the dance steps. Santana had never seen something so wonderful that it made her ache in all the right places. Brittany turns around in her arms and for a moment, the look on her face scares Santana. But then, Brittany cups both her cheeks gently and in a way only Brittany can and Santana waits for her to say whatever it was on her mind.

"I love you." Brittany says clearly and firmly as if it was the only thing she'd known for all of her life. Santana feels her heart stammer and then picks up its pace and feels her stomach go all good-weird. Blue eyes peer into hers unwaveringly with no judgment and somehow Santana knows that nothing she says or do would make Brittany hate her. Overcome, she pulls the blonde to her, relishing in the feeling of her body pressed against hers. In their little bubble, no one existed but them.

Santana doesn't say it back. She doesn't need to.

"Come to the shrink's office with me." Santana whispers to her ear. Brittany shivers. "I need you to know about something." Reluctantly, she pulls away from Santana and looks at her.

"Are you sure?" Santana takes both her hands feeling the warmth travel through her.

"B, I trust you with my life. If I can't trust you, then I don't know who to trust anymore."

Brittany doesn't say that she's honored or that she trusts her just as much. She doesn't need to.

* * *

><p>Quinn stands outside the building and under the pouring rain in a bundle of nerves. Her mind is scattered and her feet seemed to be frozen on the wet asphalt. Green eyes watch the people entering the building without a care in the world and she feels the urge to slap each of them. But she knows better. She pulls put her phone and almost drops it with her shaky hands.<p>

_I have a bad feeling about this. I think I might actually get spliced if I walk through the doors._

She sends the message to Santana. Quinn jumps a foot in the air (well, not really but it feels like it) when it buzzes.

_Look, Blondie. If you don't get in there, imma go all Lima Heights Adjacent on your ass. Man the fuck up, Q._

_B says hi and good luck._

Quinn releases the breath she'd been holding ever since she got out of her car. She smiles slightly at Santana's message. Quinn slips the phone back into her pocket and closes her eyes. Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Quinn opens her eyes and she straightens up and walks ungracefully to the building. Thankfully, no one spares her a second glance. And though it does make her a little bit paranoid, she begins to lose the nerves bit by bit and as she waits impatiently in the elevator, she loses the fear and instead leaves her with a feeling of regret for ever doubting Caleb. Quinn watches the people in the elevator decrease and when it is finally Caleb's floor, she finds herself alone. The _ding_ resounds louder than what Quinn expects and sucks in a quick breath trying to steady her shaking legs. This is Caleb, damn it, she thinks. There's no reason to panic. Painfully slow, the doors open and Quinn's eyes bulge out of their sockets and she loses her composure completely.

"Caleb!" Caleb seemed to be just as shocked as she is. Peripherally, she notices the secretary's attention snap to them. Quinn couldn't be sure because right now all the words in her brain just flew out, but she thinks she saw her smile apologetically and somewhat encouragingly at them. Caleb steps in the elevator, his eyes not wavering from Quinn's. he lets the door close and presses the stop button to prevent the elevator from going anywhere.

"Hey." He says quietly. In the silence of the elevator, it resounds causing Quinn's heart pump faster than what is healthy.

"Hi." She manages. Suddenly, she doesn't know what to say. But she could see Caleb's guarded eyes. His posture is calm and he patiently waits for her to say something.

"How are you?" Caleb says because even if he wouldn't dare admit it out loud, the silence scares him. Quinn looks at him, incredulous. "What? It's not that hard to answer."

Quinn then realizes that there is no speech, no grand gesture, no begging. There is only one thing she needs to say and may she be damned if she doesn't get to say it right here, right now.

"I love you." She says. Her voice wavers slightly but Caleb could care less. He knows that it'll be a long time before she could say it clearly but right now, he's just glad she said it. Sure it hurt when she doubted him and actually believed that he could do such a thing to her but those words kind of made up for it and more. He digs in his pocket, retrieving the necklace and ring that he grabbed from his nightstand just before he left. Thinking back about it now, he thinks that he'd always knows that she'd come.

"Please say something because if you don't, I might just force the doors open and run away again and –…" Caleb places a finger over lips and she deflates visibly. He shows her the ring, dangling on the silver band. Quinn gasps and for too many times that day, words fail her.

"It's a promise ring. But I don't want you to wear it on your finger yet." Quinn opens her mouth to voice out her confusion but before she could, Caleb raises a hand, smiling gently at her. "I know you're not ready to wear it, Q. Not yet. So I'm not going to force you. I want you keep it around your neck so that when you look in the mirror you'll see it and you'll remember that I _will_ marry you someday and that I promise to see and love only you. I'm not going to tell you the rest of the speech. But you'll know when the right time comes. So, Q? Will you wear it for me?" He grins, sheepish and playful but the sincerity in his eyes is hard to doubt.

Quinn rushes in his arms before he could utter a word and Caleb chuckles as he stumbles back his elbow hits a button. The elevator begins to move but neither notices.

"Do you even have to ask?" Quinn whispers against his neck. "I am _so_ sorry." She adds. Claeb rubs her back.

"Sure it kind of hurt. But right now, I think I can forget about it." Caleb says softly. He pulls away to look at the love of his life properly. Green eyes are shining with tears, her cheeks are flushed and her lips are stretched into a full-blown smile. Caleb had never seen something more beautiful.

Their lips meet just as the elevator comes to a stop. They hear faint sounds of clapping, whistling, and gasps but they couldn't be sure because the only thing that they can hear in their moment is the synchronized beating of their hearts.

* * *

><p>"So let me get this straight. Quinn thought Caleb was cheating on her so she ran away without letting him explain anything?" Santana nods. They are in the usual restaurant waiting for their orders to be served. Santana was explaining why Quinn and Caleb might not make it to lunch and the blonde got worried. "Aww. I wonder if they're okay."<p>

"Who knows? All I know is that if they're not, Quinn is so sleeping in the backyard. I am not tolerating asses except for myself." Brittany giggles.

"You're not an ass." She says amidst giggles that get louder as Santana scoffs at the statement. The brunette reaches to pat the blonde on the back, her eyes softening as soon as she makes contact. Brittany's giggles dissolve into a peaceful smile. She takes Santana's hand and Santana feels like she's the only person that Brittany's seeing. She feels something turn inside her and somehow, she knows that people would give anything for another person to look at them like that. Santana's a bit luckier. She blushes adorably and Brittany's smile widens. Santana smiles back and hopes that she doesn't look like an idiot, smiling like a completely smitten teenager. She hopes in vain but really, she doesn't mind.

It takes a while and she almost misses it but Santana makes the mistake of noticing the people behind Brittany and finds an old woman staring at them with something very akin to disgust in her eyes. Brittany seems to notice Santana's change of expression because she follows her line of sight. The old woman looks away but after every three seconds she would look up and slightly glare at them. Brittany squeezes Santana's hand in an attempt to appease the apparent irritation radiating from her. Strangely (or maybe not), her shoulders begin to relax.

"Excuse me, is there a problem?" Santana says in a much kinder tone than what she originally planned. Brittany rubs her knuckles in a pacifying manner but doesn't intervene. Santana smirks inside. She's rubbing off on her.

"No, nothing at all." There's a hint of sarcasm in the old woman's voice. Santana stays put on her seat and surprisingly, the Latina smiles honestly at the old woman. Brittany swells with pride.

"If you're wondering, yes, I'm in love with this girl. And I would do anything to give her the life she deserves." Santana stands up from her seat when the old woman begins to look repulsed and Brittany looks at her warningly. She smiles at her reassuringly but there's a hint of mischief in her eyes. Brittany, though slightly wary, chooses to trust her.

"I understand if you feel disgust or any other negative feelings for us. But this I ask you, an old geezer, no offense, would it be possible for you to ignore what society dictates and instead open your eyes to the simple fact that we are free to love whoever the hell our heart chooses? Most people would spend their lives finding someone who can fix them up and die never finding the right person. But as fucked up as my life may be, I found that person and she's holding my hand in this very moment. And right now, I may not be shiny and new yet and may never really be but you know what? It helps. It helps to know that I have someone who loves me enough to try and glue me back together. It makes me want to believe that there's some justice left in this godforsaken world." Santana takes a deep breath and proceeds with a softer tone.

"I lost my whole family in a fire. And it still hurts like a bitch. So please, let me enjoy my time with the woman I love while I still can. After all, we're all dying in this room. And if I die tomorrow, I'd like to be able to say that I loved my broken heart out."

By now, the restaurant is tuned to the tense but genuine conversation that seemed more like a monologue. Brittany's eyes are shining and Santana thinks that if they get thrown out after this, it would be completely worth it. The old woman could only stare at Santana and she gives her one last smile (that might've looked too much like a smirk) before relaxing back by Brittany's side.

Brittany feels like she might burst from pride and love. She grips Santana's hand and feels the warmth radiating from it. She knows she's misty-eyed when Santana looks at her mildly worried and touches her cheek with her free hand softly, gently, the way only Santana can do. They don't say anything because somehow, they know what it was they want to tell each other. Unbeknownst to them, they've become one person. And Brittany knows that though it may be a hard road, but Santana's on her way to healing.

_I'm here._

_I'm glad._

When the food arrives, the waiter sets down their orders with a quiet smile. He had witnessed the entire thing and though he may not really be open to it yet, he thinks that he doesn't mind these two people because it's just hard not to when you witness them look and really see each other. They were nice too, he adds, when Brittany smiles sweetly at him.

"Thank you." She says. The waiter leaves them to their own world feeling light and happy.

They are halfway through their food when Quinn and Caleb arrive.

"Hey guys. Is it too late for us to catch up?" Santana's face breaks into a smirk and Brittany bounds up to wrap them both in a giant hug.

"I'm so happy for you!" She says, ecstatic. Caleb could only smile wider and Quinn blushes. Santana stands too punch Caleb's shoulder.

"Well, it's exhilarating to know you have balls." Caleb winks playfully and Santana chuckles, genuinely happy for the both of them. When they've all sat down and Quinn and Caleb placed their orders, Quinn glares half-heartedly at Santana. Caleb and Brittany are engaged in an animated conversation about the studio.

"You told her?"

"We don't keep secrets from each other." Santana shrugs. Quinn raises her eyebrows and deliberately brushes her hand against Santana's back. The brunette shivers involuntarily.

"Really?" Quinn says under her breath. Santana glares at her.

"Soon. But I'm trying, okay?" Santana hisses.

"I know. And I'm proud of you." Quinn says. She smiles at Santana.

"So. Did you get hot and nasty make up sex?" This time it was loud enough for Brittany and Caleb to hear. Quinn smacks her at the back of her head, blushing furiously. Caleb is flushing like crazy. Brittany looks innocently at the both of them.

"Did you?" The couple blushes more.

"No!" Quinn manages to say.

"Aww, that's so sad." Brittany says and Santana laughs. Despite themselves, Quinn and Caleb share a look at the sound of her laugh. Soon all of them are laughing like there's nothing wrong in the world.

A waiter snaps a picture to put at the memory board, capturing a priceless moment.

* * *

><p>Mercedes raises a confused eyebrow at the two people at her doorway. Santana's looking away from her, her cheeks flushing lightly. The blonde girl on the other hand is smiling at her like they've known each other for so long. She stands up from her seat and is about to ask but the question never comes out when she suddenly finds herself pulled into a hug.<p>

"Thank you for your help in fixing her." Brittany whispers so that only Mercedes could hear. A flash of realization hits Mercedes and she remembers this being the girl who 'dragged' Santana's ass to the office. She slowly returns the hug, smirking at Santana's glaring expression.

"You're welcome." She says to Brittany.

"Ahem. Fucked up person here, needing a shrink to talk to." Mercedes and Brittany breaks away, both laughing.

"Aw, San, you're just jealous." Brittany bounds back to Santana as the Latina scoffs.

"Yeah, right." Brittany pokes her flushed cheeks.

"Whatever you say, you big softie." Santana mock glares at her but there's a small smile playing on her lips and Brittany knows they're okay.

"You guys are adorable." Mercedes says from the middle of the room.

"I'd like her to be here when I talk today. She deserves to know about this and frankly, and though it hurts my ego to admit it, I don't think I can actually pull through an hour and a half without her." Santana says all without looking straight at Mercedes. Mercedes turns to Brittany, a smirk on her face.

"You're right. She _is_ a softie." Santana glares at her.

"Listen here, Weezy…"

"Okay, let's put the name-calling aside. Take a seat so we can start." Mercedes waves the supposed threat. Brittany giggles and Santana finds herself losing the nerves. Mercedes and Brittany proceed to sitting down and when they notice that Santana isn't following them, Brittany looks questioningly at her. She opens her mouth to ask if she's okay but Santana raises a hand, her lips are pursed, her eyes unsure.

"I need you to close your eyes. You too, Weezy."

"What?" Mercedes and Brittany ask at the same time.

"I'm going to show you something but I need you to close your eyes first until I tell you I'm ready." Santana explains quietly. "Please." Both looks unsure and worried but they listen to what Santana's saying. The brunette takes a deep breath to calm herself.

Slowly, she takes of her blazer and soon her long sleeves. The cold air hits her skin and she shivers. She moves to stand in front of Mercedes and Brittany and faces away so that her back is on them. She wonders if it's going to be worth it in the end. She wonders if after this emotionally draining experience, she'd finally be able to move forward instead of being stuck with the "what ifs" and bargaining.

"You can open them now." For a couple of seconds, the silence becomes too much for Santana. And then she hears Brittany gasp.

"San… What even – …" Brittany finds herself unable to finish the question. Santana is standing in front of her with nothing on top but a black bra. But that's not what got her attention. A web of white skin stretches out on Santana's supposedly brown back. It branches out from a round scar on the center and from there; it branched out on different directions. The white comes in shocking contrast with the brown that it makes them wonder how she survived.

"When the police found me, the fire was almost gone. I was unconscious but before I blacked out, I was able to get my mom and my sister's… bodies… with me. I couldn't find my dad. When I woke up, I was being rushed to the ambulance. I don't know how I made it. But it was painful as hell. Apparently, the fire had burned most of the skin on my back, so much that these scars won't fade anymore." Santana pulls her clothes back on and when she turns to face them, they could see the desperation on her face.

"I'm sure there's a reason why you showed us your scars." Mercedes prompts her gently. Santana makes her way beside Brittany and sits down with her face in her hands. Brittany is shell-shocked and speechless, her heart aching so much it makes her wonder how much it hurt for Santana.

"I haven't seen it since the first time they removed the bandages. It reminds of what I lost. It reminds me the truth that I'm willing to give my fucking _life_ just to have another five seconds with my family. The mere thought of it releases a thousand desperate thoughts in my head."

"And how do you feel about that?"

"I feel scared. I am terrified of myself because I know me. I know that if – if I let go, I'd do anything, _anything_ to see them and be with them." Mercedes nods sympathetically. Brittany shuffles closer and Santana feels grateful for the warmth.

"What are you thinking right now?"

"I'm thinking that if God really does exist, I'd really like him to listen to me. What do I have to do to get them back? What do I have to give up for another moment with them? What do I have to promise to get to tell them 'goodbye, I love you'?" Santana takes a deep breath. There. She'd finally laid it out.

Brittany feels fear blossom in her chest. She reaches out, saying nothing and everything at the same time as she takes Santana's hand in hers. She won't look at her and that scares Brittany more than anything. The thought of being _without_ Santana rips her apart. Even so, Brittany holds on tight to Santana as if she's grounding her to here – to where she is right now. Beside her.

"It's sick I now." Mercedes shakes her head. She puts down her notebook and caps her pen and then she looks at Santana.

"You're on the bargaining stage of grief. It's normal."

"Normal? Nor mal my ass. I'm willing to commit _suicide_ goddamn it!" Santana snaps.

"I know. And that's why you have to find a reason to _stay_. You have to find something that's worth living for. I'm not saying that it's okay to think of suicide. I'm telling you to choose life. But for whatever reason, I have no idea. _You_ are the only one who can tell me what it is." Mercedes says clearly and firmly.

"What if I don't find it?"

"You will. I'm sure." Mercedes chances a glance the blonde who had been silent through the conversation. Brittany looks like she's about to cry but Santana's too ashamed and scared among other feelings to turn to look at her.

They stay for the remaining 15 minutes of the session. The room is silent but for the downpour of rain outside. Brittany had not said a word yet and Santana doesn't push her. She's still here, at least, Santana thinks to herself. By the end of the session, Brittany lets go of her hand and stands up to hug Mercedes again. This time, she remains silent and Mercedes understands. Santana nods at her, worried eyes following Brittany's retreating form.

"You should follow her." Mercedes says.

"I know." Santana rushes out to follow Brittany to the elevator. The silence is awkward and Santana's getting worried every second that ticks by.

"Britt?" Brittany doesn't respond and Santana doesn't push it. As soon as she steps out of the elevator, Brittany rushes to the door, not even bothering to grab their umbrella.

"Britt!" Santana exclaims. She follows her to the door and stops under the shelter. Brittany doesn't pay heed to her and instead steps into the rain. "Britt, what are you doing? It's pouring!" Santana says through the rain.

Brittany raises her head, her face meeting the hundreds and thousands of droplets. Her loose shirt gets soaked and her jeans too. But she doesn't mind right now.

_I'm willing to commit _suicide_ goddamn it!_

Her heart constricts painfully at the thought of a world without Santana. She realizes that if Santana leaves this life, she'd barely be able to live her life as well. After all, right now, Santana _is_ her life.

"B!" She hears Santana call her. The tears are running down her face, the hot liquid a contrast to the freezing rain. But Brittany doesn't mind. In fact, it feels comforting. "Brittany, please." She barely heard it all but the words fill her with a fire she didn't know could burn. She turns to face Santana. The brunette melts under her gaze and she could see the worry in the brown pools. She moves toward her and when she's three feet away from her, Brittany extends her hand.

"Dance with me." Santana looks at her as if she'd grown three heads.

"It's raining." She deadpans but Brittany doesn't waver. She could see the blonde look desperate.

"Dance with me, San." She begs.

Santana stares at her for a moment longer, hesitant and afraid. But the look in Brittany's eyes breaks her and all she can think of when she takes the offered hand is how she hates that look. The look of hopelessness and desperation does not suit her.

Brittany takes Santana's hand in hers and places the other on her waist. Santana shivers but they both know that it's not from the rain.

"B…" She says. But Brittany's looking deep in her eyes as if she's searching for something. Santana doesn't even realize that they've begun waltzing until she stumbles on the slippery sidewalk. The blonde catches her and uses the opportunity to pull her closer to her, relishing in the warmth of life from Santana. She buries her head into the crook of Santana's neck, inhaling her scent.

She can't live without this. She can't live without her.

It's not possible.

"I need you to choose to live." Brittany whispers. Santana suddenly realizes what's happening and her eyes tear up at the feeling of hot liquid that she knows is not rain. Brittany grips her tighter and it almost becomes painful except for the fact that they fit so perfectly with each other that they could be one person. She could hear her heart pound, the blood coursing through her veins. She could feel _Brittany's_ heart beat fast against her. Santana rakes her fingers through blonde hair, trying to calm her down.

"I know it's going to sound selfish and bad. But San, I need you to live if not for yourself then for _me_. Let me be the reason you wake up every day and I'll take care of you for all my life if I have to. Just… You can't leave me. Not now when I love you so much that it hurts to think of you not here. But if you really want to go, then take me with you. I'm not… I can't live without you." Brittany sobs against her. Even now, with Santana in her arms, the thought scares her. Santana feels pain shoot through her at the idea of a still and lifeless Brittany.

"Stop." She says weakly into Brittany's hair.

"Stay. Please, San. Tell me you'll stay. Please." Brittany begs. They're both soaked now and it's cold as hell. But neither seemed to notice, both caught in desperation. Brittany's heart breaks a little more when Santana pulls away just enough to cradle her face. There's a kind of sadness in her eyes that Brittany will never understand fully but she holds on more to the hope in there too. Santana uses her thumbs to wipe the tears. The blonde doesn't know how she can tell between the tears and the rain. Santana looks straight at her, her soul bare, her heart aching.

"I'm not going anywhere." She says quietly. Brittany hears it anyway and the tears are renewed. She surges forward, claiming Santana's lips. It starts out desperate and hard but Santana coaxes her to a soft, heart-melting kiss. They kiss unhurriedly. They kiss as if it's life itself and in a way, maybe it is.

"Dance with me." Brittany says as soon as they break apart. Santana smiles sweetly at her and lets Brittany take the lead.

Under the rain she used to hate, Santana finds a reason to keep breathing and the rain doesn't seem so cold anymore.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: I didn't reach two weeks! I'm proud of me. Hahaha. Anyway, thank you so much for all the reviews, story alerts, and favorites. Also, for the anonymous reviews and the people who disabled their PMs, you don't know how much I want to reply to your review. thank you. I love you all. I know you may be getting sick of me saying it but hey, I really do love you people. You don't know how much it means to me when you show me that you read this story. I hope you liked this chapter. **

**Tell me what you think?**

**Brittana (one and the same),**

**theangel1710**


	11. Chapter 11: Breathe in, Breathe out

**Chapter 11: Breathe in, Breathe out**

Santana wakes up to the most gorgeous eyes she had ever seen.

"You do know you're being a creep, right?" She croaks her voice husky with sleep. Blue eyes sparkle with amusement and something else that makes everything perfect. Her heart pounds in her chest, more alive than it ever was in almost three years. Brittany blushes just as a smile stretches her face. It takes her off guard, with the light behind Brittany's face; it was sheer beauty in Santana's eyes.

"You're adorable when you sleep." She says, her voice coated with sincerity and adoration. Santana's cheeks flare so she buries her head against the blonde's neck, inhaling her comforting scent. Brittany giggles silently, unready to break the moment yet. "Good morning, stranger."

"'Morning." Santana kisses her neck and closes her eyes as she presses herself closer to Brittany's figure. Her bed had never felt fuller than it does right now. She feels Brittany's arms wrap around her and there's a feeling of safety she hasn't felt for a long time that overcomes her. She sighs, content, forgetting all the wrong in the world and lets herself be engulfed by the best thing that ever happened to her: Brittany.

Brittany threads her fingers through Santana's hair, soothing every worry, every fear, every wound. She's everything she could have ever wished for and she's certain that her heart had never felt more complete.

Santana looks at her, allowing the sun to light up her face. She hears Brittany suck in a breath and feels her heavy stare as the blonde tries to commit what she's seeing to memory. Everything of this morning feels like a cliché but at the same time the moment feels like it's theirs and only theirs. NO movie can ever portray how it feels like to have someone stare at you as if you're their entire world, their entire heart.

Santana takes her hand and slowly presses it to her lips, her eyes never dropping Brittany's.

"I love you." The declaration comes out of nowhere and everywhere that it makes Brittany's heart stop and stagger to keep up with the joy she's feeling. Santana watches her smile wider and she's so beautiful it makes her wonder what she ever did to deserve her.

"I know."

"Good." Brittany scoots closer so she can kiss Santana's forehead lovingly.

"I love you."

"I know."

"Good." Brittany says. The couple burst out laughing both feeling light. They were in their own world – a world where nothing could go wrong, a world where everything is just perfect. Santana feels relief because such a world exists. It's enough to pull her through another day, another challenge. It gives her hope that she can rely on this world to keep her standing and to keep her going.

Brittany stares into brown pools and she remembers the first time she'd ever laid eyes on them. They were broken then. It was pained, shining with unshed tears, and utterly lifeless. There was no sparkle even when she let a quiet chuckle escape. Then, even the chuckle sounded pained as if she feels like that she's forbidden to. There was a storm raging in those eyes that day. But now, it's a quiet ocean: serene and calm. There are waves that are too big for Brittany's liking but with a little more time, she will be able to soothe it. No matter what. There's a sparkle in her eyes and Brittany knows that she'd do anything to keep it there.

And when she laughs, the sound fills her entire world and everything looks brighter, happier.

"Come on, sleepyhead. It's the last working day of the week. Be productive." Brittany says softly afraid her voice would break the moment. She laughs when Santana groans.

"Don't want to. I'm good here." Santana buries her head back to Brittany's neck to prove her point. Brittany pulls away and Santana grasps her shirt. "Noooo."

"You big baby. I have to go to work, San. The kids will be waiting for me." She lets go of Santana, successfully freeing herself form her grasp. Santana buries her head to Brittany's pillow. It smells like her but she instantly misses the blonde's warmth. She scowls into the pillow as it fails to satisfy her. She hears Brittany giggle.

"Fine." Santana sighs. She drowsily rolls of the bed and reaches out for Brittany's hand. "Damn you for being responsible." Brittany laughs and squeezes Santana's hand, leading her out of the room.

"Aww. Cheer up, San. 'Sides, I smell crappy takeout pancakes like you called them." Santana shoots her an amused look at the memory.

They walk in the kitchen hand in hand. Their food is already waiting for them along with Quinn who's happily pigging out with her pancakes. She looks up and eyes their conjoined hands and soon Quinn had her 'aww' face on. It was comical the way her face changed from confusion to realization that Brittany let out a giggle.

"Good morning, lovebirds." Santana blushes and scowls sleepily at her but doesn't let go of Brittany's hand.

"'Morning, Q!" Brittany bounces to her seat, dragging Santana with her. Quinn finds it amusing how different the two were. Santana looks like she was still asleep whereas Brittany was this bouncing ball of energy. She knows she's watching perfection when Brittany lets go of Santana's hand, earning a grunt of disapproval from the brunette, to put syrup on Santana's pancakes, not too much, because she's not that much of a fan of sweets. Brittany stirs Santana's coffee, putting two spoons of cream the way Santana likes it. Quinn gushes over the couple when Brittany begins to poke Santana's cheek in an attempt to pull her back to the real world.

"Eat." Brittany says when Santana's eyes open. Brown eyes disappear for another couple of seconds and then they reopen as she sighs.

"Yes, Ma'am." Quinn giggles.

"Had a good night, San?" Santana smiles genuinely. Quinn could see her eyes shine and it feels so good that

"No nightmare." Quinn's eyes soften, relieved that her best friend is healing. But then she smirks and Santana raises an eyebrow at her.

"You guys were so quiet last night."

"We were sleeping." Santana deadpans.

"Oh? It's okay you know, I had a good night's rest too. I wasn't disturbed by uhm, inappropriate noises."

What the hell are you talking about?" Santana says. Quinn grins slyly at her.

"I think she thinks we had sex last night." Brittany whispers to Santana's ear. The girl's cheeks flare and she chokes on her pancake.

"Q! We didn't have sex last night!" Quinn laughs, a mock doubtful look on her face. Brittany laughs with her when Santana frantically grabs a glass of water. Soon, after Santana can finally breathe properly again, the trio laughs at it all.

* * *

><p>Santana walks through the glass doors of the law firm, an air of confidence exuding from her. She had just come from dropping Brittany off at the studio and she finds herself missing the blonde as if they haven't seen each other in days.<p>

"Did you murder anyone?" Puck greets her by the entrance. Santana smiles easily at him. "You look pretty fucking happy. Where'd you hide the body?" Santana jabs him in the ribs, smirking when Puck yelps.

"Ass."

"Bitch."

"I know." Puck punches her shoulder lightly as they make their way to the empty elevator.

"Tone down the smile, Lopez. You're risking your rep." He says as he eyes her with interest. The brunette seemed light, cheerful. The bags under her eyes aren't completely gone yet but it's easy to ignore it with the smile adoring her face. He can't help it, he matches her smile.

"Fuck them. I haven't smiled in a damn long time. I'll be all scary again tomorrow."

"Aww, babe. No need, this suits you better."

"I'm not a pig, Puck. There's no reason for you to call me 'babe'."

"Oh, I know you're not a pig, San. With that hot piece of ass, no way in hell are you a pig. It should be banned, your ass. It's too tempting, you'd make a married man cry in self-pity." Santana winks at him, riding the game.

"You're too sweet. But sorry, it doesn't work for me. This ass is owned by the most gorgeous woman in the entire universe." Puck's jaw drops comically.

"That has got to be the cheesiest comeback. Damn, Satan. You're whipped!" He receives a punch to his shoulder.

"You're just jealous."

"Damn right, I am." The elevator dings and they walk out.

"I'm happy for you." Puck says just before Santana enters her office. Santana smiles gracefully at him.

"Thank you." She says genuinely and Puck knows she means it.

* * *

><p>Brittany wipes the sweat off her face. It's her 30-minute break time and she spends it by stretching her legs out to prevent muscle strains. The kids were extra nice today and they seemed to get what she was saying without much trouble compared to the previous days. It makes everything a lot more fun than stressful not that she ever got tired of her job. Suddenly, she feels her phone vibrate in her pocket. Her face lights up when the receiver displays her mom.<p>

"Hey, Mom." She says brightly.

"_Hi dear. Am I interrupting your classes?"_

"Nope. I'm on my break time."

"_How are you? Are you eating right?"_ Brittany chuckles.

"Yes, Mom. How are you guys? I miss you."

"_We're okay. We miss you too. That why I called. Can you come home this weekend? Annie got her Saturday free which by the way is equal to her winning the lottery. You should have seen her when she announced to the entire neighborhood that her classes are cancelled because of a faculty meeting. She was all over the place."_

"Yeah, I can imagine. I bet she jumped on her bed too." Brittany laughs at her mother's hum of approval, the image of her 19-year old sister in second year college being a child by jumping on her bed.

"_So, what do you think?"_ Brittany thinks. She misses her family very much since being at home always felt nice and warm. But then, there's Santana. She's not so sure if she'd want to come with her. After all, the place seemed like hell to her right now.

"Uhm, I don't know." Brittany says, the uncertainty clear in her voice. Her mom gets her wavelength instantly.

"_You can bring Santana too if you like. Or if she wants to come. I think it's time for me to meet this mystery person who got my baby to grow. I can get the guest room ready for her or do you guys sleep in the same bed now?" _Brittany blushes.

"Mom!" Her mom chuckles.

"_What?"_

"I'll ask her, okay? But I'll be there tomorrow afternoon regardless." Brittany's hoping Santana would say yes though.

"_Yay! Tell Santana if she decides to come that your cousins are going to be here too so it might get rowdy. And also, I'd really, really like to meet her. That should help your case, right?"_

"I'm praying for it. Thanks, Mom." Brittany says, grateful.

"_I love you. I'll see you tomorrow, then? Take care of yourself and Santana too."_

"I love you too." The call ends and Brittan puts her cellphone back to her pocket, her heart hammering, her palms sweaty. Suddenly, she feels nervous about how Santana's going to react when she asks her but at the same time, she feels giddy and excited.

Her break time ends and her studio is filled with excited kids. As she watches them settle down, Brittany catches a glimpse of a brunette girl with big blue eyes saying goodbye to her mom. The mom smiles at her which she easily returns. The girl runs to the corner of the room to drop her bag there and then runs to her friends, a big smile plastered on her face. Brittany can't help but think that the girl looks a bit like her and Santana. She's struck by a sudden yearning. The feeling is foreign and in a way, it scares her. But then she imagines Santana dancing with the little girl and something makes her heart swell. The feeling overwhelms her and she gasps in some air. The hollow bit of her heart that seemed to vanish when Santana came into her life began to ache. It is only half-filled but the image in her head fills it a little more and Brittany is struck with the realization that it's her dream.

It's her dream to see Santana holding a child, staring at him or her like how her mother looks at them. It's her dream to be see her rock a baby back and forth and sing lullabies. It's her dream to see her tear up when the bundle of joy is handed to her by the nurse. But most of all, unknowingly so, it has become her dream to witness it all with Santana – to be part of the picture in her head, to start a family with her, and cry side by side with her when they grow old enough to go to school.

"Hey, guys. Let's start?" Brittany says and the class settles almost immediately, looking at her expectantly.

Behind the desk, Mike witnesses the change in Brittany. He had seen her look at the child with a look of yearning. He had seen her eyes tear just a bit and Mike gets the reason behind it. His bestfriend is completely and irrevocably in love with Santana. He watches her move in a way she'd never moved before. The dance seemed to make her body flow. The studio had turned to watch her as she performs for the kids. She is lighting up the whole studio. But more than that, Brittany glows with life and love.

The dance ends with a graceful leap and everybody in the studio claps. Brittany blushes as she catches her breath, shuffling her feet shyly. She timidly smiles at her audience.

"Beautiful." She whips around to be greeted by the sight of Santana clapping, pride shining in her eyes. Some of the parents agree with her. The children crowds around Brittany but both had eyes only for the other. Santana is giving her _that _look again: the look that makes her feel like she's on top of the world, the look that tells Brittany the love that takes more than words to express.

Soon, she finds herself pressed to Santana, tan arms wrapped around her waist.

"God, you're so damn beautiful." _I love you. So much._

She hears some of the parents whisper curiously, the hug too intimate for normal friends. But Brittany could care less. She's where she wants and will always want to be.

* * *

><p>Caleb signs the last of the papers on his desk, relieved to finish it before a new stack comes. He checks his watch and smiles when he hears the elevator ding. He raises his eyes to meet green ones. His face stretches to a grin matching the smile that Quinn is giving him.<p>

"You better escape while you still can." She says. Caleb stands up from his chair, grabs his wallet and keys, and rushes to meet Quinn in the middle of the office.

"Hey." He says, scratching his unruly hair. He bends to kiss Quinn's cheek causing it to redden. He catches a glimpse of the promise ring around her neck and he feels something melt inside him. God, this woman owns him so much sometimes it scares him. But most of the time, the feeling gives him a sense of life. The feeling that he belongs to someone makes him forget that he was ever lonely.

"H-Hi." She stammers. She clears her throat. "You ready to go?" Caleb nods and lets Quinn take his hand. They walk hand in hand out of the office and even in the car, needing no words to communicate to each other how content they are in this moment. They arrive at their usual restaurant and both smiles knowingly at each other at the image of Brittany and Santana talking to each other; Brittany in an animated manner as if she wanted Santana to laugh as much as possible, Santana in a quiet manner as if everything she says is only meant for Brittany. The livelier of the two looks up from her conversation with her other half.

"Q, Caleb!" Brittany waves at them and the couple chuckles at how adorable she looked. Santana tears her gaze away from Brittany and offers them a genuine smile.

"Have you ordered?" Quinn says as soon as they get settled.

"No. We were waiting for you guys. What took you so long? Make out session in the car?" Santana says, smirk in place.

"I wish." Caleb says. Quinn looks at him, wide-eyed. "Jesus, Q. Try not to misplace your eyes, I love them where they are right now though I have to admit, I'll still love you without them."

"AWWWW." Brittany gushes over them as Quinn blushes.

"Whipped." Quinn glares at Santana.

"As if you're not."

"I am. Happily so, though if you ever tell that to anyone, I'll slice your perfect nose off."

"Aww, did you just compliment my nose, San?" Quinn mocks Santana.

"Shut up." The brunette says, a playful smile on her face.

"I'm jealous." Brittany says. Caleb nods his agreement. Santana turns to look at Brittany's smiling face. She touches her cheek.

"I love you!" Brittany beats her to the punch just before Santana says it. Quinn and Caleb laughs at Santana's face. "S, you look like a fish." Santana closes her mouth and settles on taking Brittany's hand in her own.

"Oh, B." She says softly and Brittany hears more than words. It's perfect.

"We've all turned into saps in love." Caleb declares. Nobody bothers to argue otherwise. They don't mind.

* * *

><p>After lunch, Quinn and Caleb goes back to their own offices needing to finish the paperwork so that they can enjoy the weekend without having to worry about unfinished stuff. Brittany drops Santana off at Mercedes' office with a kiss before she returns to her studio. It takes Santana a while to step into the office remembering how much she hated being there during the first few sessions. But right now, she can't deny the fact that her session with Mercedes were and still are a big help.<p>

"Come in, Santana." Mercedes says when Santana knocks on the door. She smiles up at her client and gestures to the couch. "How are you today?" She asks, noting the easy smile.

"Perfect." Santana says as she flops down on the couch.

"No nightmares last night?"

"None." Mercedes writes on her notepad.

"Well, Santana, I'm happy to say that you're healing."

"Believe me, I am goddamn happy to hear that." Mercedes grins at her. But then, her face turns serious and the change worries Santana a bit.

"However, you're not done yet. What do you feel right now?" Santana takes a deep breath. There's that question again. The hardest question to answer after "are you okay?". She tries to relax her muscles and concentrates on her.

"I feel incredibly light as if, half of the world was lifted from my shoulders. I feel so fucking well, I feel like Superman. " Mercedes raises her eyebrows. "Well, not really. But you get the point. Anyway, it's the best I've ever felt in a really long time and I'm not sure whether to be happy about it or not. But regardless, I feel great. Then again, you, Wheezy, are worrying me. What's the deal?" Mercedes sets down her notepad, glasses, and pen.

"It's time." Santana raises a perfect eyebrow.

"Explain." She says, her heart hammering in her chest.

"It's time to go back. I need you to hold on to what you're feeling right now, Santana. It's vital for the next step to happen."

"Which is what exactly?"

"What are the things that you fear?" Mercedes asks, temporarily ignoring Santana's question. The question takes Santana aback.

"Fire." She stutters out almost immediately. Stating it required no thought. Fear is equal to fire - to the sole reason why she doesn't have _them_ right now. The word alone brings images of the orange and red waves that rise to devour everything. The word breaks her happy world and it shatters in a million pieces. She's brought back down to reality, the harsh, harsh reality that she can't seem to battle against.

"Remember." Mercedes' voice penetrates the painful images of flames, wood, bodies. Santana closes her eyes. For a moment, she could see only fire and tears. She could almost smell the scent of brunt flesh. She was almost sucked back to the memory when Brittany's face flashes. Santana immediately grasps that memory. She struggles. But when Brittany's laughter sounds inside her head, it becomes a little easier. Slowly, the flames vanish into a distant image. Santana breathes a little easier.

"Sorry." She whispers out softly, hoarsely. Mercedes watches her client in turmoil and smiles sadly at her.

"Take your time." Santana is still swimming between images. Damn it, she thinks, get a hold of yourself. She focuses on the memory she got earlier this morning, when Brittany was staring at her like she was the only person in her entire world. Fire flashes briefly but Santana holds it down. She thinks of calm blue pools, Brittany's soothing touches. Santana opens her eyes and Mercedes could see the inner battle dying to a weak clash.

"Go." Santana gives the signal to continue.

"How long have you been far from home? Did you go home since the incident?" Santana flinches.

"I haven't."

"So you haven't visited your family since they were buried?" Santana looks down to her hands, the words slapping her harshly.

"I wasn't there when they were buried. I couldn't be there. I could barely live my life, I was terrified I'd die when I see them being lowered to the ground."

"It's time to go back home don't you think?"

"_I'm sorry, I know this is painful, but we need you to confirm that these were your family."_

"_We need you to sign these papers. It's for your family's funeral."_

"_I'm so sorry."_

"_Condolence. I'm sorry you lost them. Will you be at the burial?"_

Santana had shaken her head when she was asked, saying she was in no condition to walk out of the room yet. On the day of the burial, Santana runs away from Ohio, away from pain.

"I can't." Santana says through gritted teeth.

"You have to." Santana glares at her but all Mercedes could see is fear.

"Fuck you. I don't."

"Santana, please. Calm down. You can't avoid home forever. You can't run away forever."

"Watch me." Santana hisses.

"You have to say goodbye."

Santana had been avoiding those words. But now, there is no escape. They hit her like a million bricks and this time it's hard to remember the glow of this morning, the happy memories. In the night, Santana would regret not going to say her final words. She remembers hating the way people looked at her with pity. After all, pity can't bring her family back. So she avoids it too. Part of her thinks that it's because she hasn't accepted it but still another part of her believes that it's because she doesn't want to let them go. Not yet. Her heart constricts for the all the wrong reasons and suddenly breathing becomes a hard task.

"I don't think I want to." She says, the struggle evident even in her hushed voice. She'd never admitted it out loud because she knows that doing so would make everything harder. And it does. Damn, it does.

"I know. But you have to. You have to tell them the things you didn't get to tell. You have to trust that they can hear you, that they understand."

"They're dead, goddamn it. They can't hear."

"They may be dead, Santana. But they're not gone. You're alive, aren't you? You're living your life for them. They live in _you_."

* * *

><p>Santana walks through the busy streets, lost and lonely all over again. She doesn't understand how everything could shift in a few hours, how everything can go wrong in a short span of time. People bump against her, lost in their own inner turmoil, drowning in their own misery. They walk in a mask of indifference. Then again, there are those who cannot contain their feelings. Some walk with a huge smile, some in tears. It emphasizes the beauty of walking through busy streets: nobody gives a damn.<p>

It makes her wonder if she walks like that. It makes her wonder if anyone in the crowd can see her losing to herself. She's back to playing hide and seek but this time it's to herself.

"_Listen to me, mija. No matter what, daddy will always find you. There's no need to be afraid, okay?" Carlos is kneeling in front of a 6-year old Santana. The little girl was in tears having been in a dark place for the longest time because her friends couldn't find her in a game of hide and seek. They had long gone home and it was dusk when her dad found her with a worried look on his face. _

"_Papi. It was dark in there." Santana sniffed, her eyes big and teary. Carlos smiles at her and Santana feels a little bit safer._

"_There are many dark places in the world, my love. But don't be afraid, I _will_ find you, no matter what. You just have to trust me. Okay?" Santana wipes the remaining tears in her eyes with the sleeve of her dress. _

"_Si, Papi." Santana throws her little arms around her father's neck and feels the man chuckle. _

"_That's my girl." He carried her home that day, telling her all about how he too was once afraid of the dark, how he used to believe that there were monsters in the closet. Santana had listened attentively to him._

"…_I was afraid then. But your Mami comes and finds me. She was scared too, you know."_

"_Mami?"_

"_Yes. And I didn't like it when she was afraid so I had to be brave. Since then, I was never afraid of the dark because I had your Mami beside me." Santana had clapped then, cheering for her dad._

She had stopped being afraid of the dark since that day. But then, she was 6-years old. She's not so sure now. Santana feels like she's walking in the shadows and trying so hard to catch up with the light. But it keeps on slipping from her grasp.

Santana comes to a stop to the bench in the park where she first let Brittany in. She gazes at the setting sun and the slow creeping darkness. Her mind drifts to home. Santana isn't so sure if she can handle seeing something that used to be her fort, burnt and gone. The image weakens her and she's reduced back to the child she once was. She pulls up her knees and places her head to her knees.

"Freaking coward." She hisses to herself. She knows, damn it. She knows that she needs to go back home. Laughter breaks her anguish and she turns her head bitterly to the sight of a family. The mom is holding a baby boy in her arms. The man beside her had his arm wrapped around her waist while the other hand held a little girl's hand.

The image tears her apart, the irony of it stabbing her through. But something was off with the image. The little girl is looking for someone, her childish face scrunched up as if she's about to cry. None of them seemed to notice though. And then the little girl's face changes. It splits to a ridiculously big grin as she spots something coming toward her. Santana follows the girl as she lets go of the man's hand and runs to meet another woman.

"Mommy!" She hears the girl say.

"Hey, baby." The woman replies. She picks up the little girl and moves toward the others with a content smile on her face. She kisses the baby's forehead first and Santana could hear his joyful giggles. She turns to look at the other woman, now a blushing mess.

"Hey there." The woman meets her gaze, a shy smile on her face. Santana is reminded of teenage relationships and first love. Suddenly, the woman leans forward, careful to avoid the baby, to kiss the other right on the lips. Santana gazes at them mostly in shock but also in envy. The picture looks perfect now as the little girl complains of cooties. Santana watches them as they continue their serene walk, the love in the both women's eyes striking Santana. The man must have been a brother for he trails behind them, a proud smile on his face.

The family had faded into small dots and it's already dark when Santana stands up from her seat. She walks first, contemplating, the image of her own family burned side by side with the woman's family.

"_It's hard, I know, mija. But goodbye doesn't necessarily mean that you'll never see the person again. It just means see you later. Because when you love a person, they will always be a part of you. You can't erase that. Not even death can change that. So don't be afraid to say goodbye. Or better yet, don't say goodbye. Say 'see you later'."_

Her mother's voice resounds in her head and her stomach tightens. Before she knows it, she's running. This time, she's not running to escape the shadows. Instead, she runs alongside them toward the light.

* * *

><p>Brittany lounges on Quinn's couch, tired from a day of teaching. Quinn had given her a duplicate key the other day saying that if she can let herself in anytime she wants to. She had been grateful and honored to be part of Quinn's household and of their lives. She had hugged Quinn then and whispered a teary thank you.<p>

She pulls up her feet and lets her mind drift. She's nervous. She's waiting for Santana to come home so that she could ask the brunette if she'd like to come with her back to Lima. She prepares a speech in her head, ready to explain the suddenness of the request. But Brittany knows that she doesn't have the heart to push her to do something she's not ready to do yet. She can't do that to Santana.

Brittany's eyes shoot open when the door suddenly bursts open. She stands up from her position on the couch, moving cautiously toward it. Santana appears into view and she breathes a sigh of relief.

"God, San, you scared me. You can't do that!" Brittany chuckles to herself and frowns when Santana doesn't join her. She notices that concentrated look on Santana's face and the way she's clenching and unclenching her fists the way she usually does when she's uncertain. "San? What's wrong?" Brittany moves toward her slowly, not wanting to startle her.

"B." She says when Brittany takes her hand gently and squeezing it. The action sends a burst of courage in her systems and uncertainty leaves Santana immediately. It's settled.

"Yes?" Brittany says softly.

"I need to say goodbye." Brittany's eyes widen and fear clouds her thinking. She lets go of Santana's hand and stumbles back. Santana looks at her worried.

"You want to… say goodbye… to me?" Brittany breaks a little bit as she says the words and she wonders how much it will hurt to actually hear Santana say the words. The worst possible scenarios parade in her mind. But then she stops panicking when Santana takes her suddenly in her arms.

"No! Why would I do that?" Santana says, incredulous. "I love you, B. I won't, _can't_, do that." Brittany exhales the breath she doesn't realize she's holding and grasps Santana too her.

"Oh." She says. "I'm sorry. I thought…" Santana chuckles against her, the sound vibrating to Brittany making her smile. Santana pulls back and there's that look again. Brittany waits for Santana meet her gaze or to say something.

"Listen. I have to say goodbye… to them." Brittany sports a look of confusion and Santana takes a deep breath as she grasps both of Brittany's hands. "I have to go back home to say goodbye to my parents." The words slice her through but at the same time, her shoulders begin to feel a little lighter. Brittany cups her face so that she meets her gaze.

"Are you sure?" Brittany says quietly. Santana gives her a sad smile.

"Yes. Will you come with me?" Brittany breaks into a huge grin and before she knows it, her lips are claiming Santana's. It lasts for a second but it's all Santana needs.

"Of course. You can stay at my house. My parents have been bugging me to bring you home so that they can meet you." Brittany takes Santana to into her arms and the brunette holds her, letting her ground her to this reality, to this moment.

"My parents would really like to meet you too." She whispers to Brittany's ear as she moves her lips to kiss it. Santana knows that in this moment, she's got all she needs to shine again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh God, I am so sorry it took me so long to update. School has been hard the past month, I'm sorry. I will try my best not to let this happen again. I feel bad! :( Anyway, thank you for all the reviews last chapter. I'm so sorry to those without an account. I really wanted to reply to your reviews. Nevertheless, I hope you know that I am thankful. Immeasurably so. I'll be posting the next chapter soon so please, forgive me?**

**Tell me what you think?**

**(This chapter is for me and to those of you who needs to be reminded that running away doesn't solve anything. Sometimes, the best way to heal is to face what's wounding you. I sincerely hope I remember that. To all of you who need this reminder, I hope with you all that we may be strong enough to face what's been keeping us down.)**

**Brittana all the way,**

**theangel1710**


	12. Chapter 12: Words Unspoken Things Undone

**Chapter 12: Words Unspoken and Things Undone**

It's excruciating.

Santana drops to the hard ground, barely processing the pain of the impact to her knees. She pulls back her fist and hits the ground. She pulls it back again and this time she hits the hard stone. It doesn't even hurt. Physical pain is nothing compared to this.

She has no tears. No amount of it could ever make the pain bearable. Her body recognizes the defeat, but it only makes everything a lot harder. The sun is shining obliviously up above. The world continues to spin, life goes on. Santana clutches her chest. Breathing has suddenly become an impossible task. Her mouth is open in a silent scream, her eyes accusing the clear, blue skies. There is no sign of a brewing storm or the smallest of droplets. But Santana thinks that it's raining so hard, that she's drowning. It scares her that she almost wishes that she is. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, but most of all, it hurts to live.

She thought that if she did this alone, it would make everything a little easier. She regrets it now, just like how she's regretting everything else in her life. Her mouth closes, her eyes become dull. She feels like she's trapped in this long and horrible nightmare and no matter how hard she tries, she can't break free from it. Santana loses the fight within her. It fades into nothingness. There are no words for this pain. It courses through her veins, her heart continuously pumping it through her entire body.

She stares at the stones, willing them to disappear. But it doesn't and it won't, not even in her dreams. She opens her mouth to speak, to ask the millions of questions that will forever remain unanswered. And for the first time since she tried walking on her own two feet, she wishes for her heart to stop beating.

"Hey, T, Mami, Papi. It's me, Santana."

* * *

><p>"<em>S! Wake up, wake up! I have something for you!" Tiana jumps on the space beside the still-sleeping Santana. She cracks her eyes open, slightly glaring at her sister. She sleepily squints for her bedside table where her alarm clock is. It flashes 5:06am at her. Santana groans.<em>

"_It's way too early for this, T. Go back to sleep." Santana says before rolling over to her side, silently praying her sister would leave her alone. She exhales in relief when she stops jumping on the bed but instantly regrets it when she hears a barely audible sniff._

"_But… But… It's Christmas…" Santana sighs. She rolls again this time to face a teary-eyed Tiana. _

"_It is?" She asks with a smile. Tiana pouts and crosses her arms._

"_Yes! How could you forget?" The little girl drops her glare and instead tugs adorably on Santana's short boxer shorts. "Come on, get up, S. We have to open presents!" She says, eager again. Santana chuckles to herself before sighing._

"_Alright, alright. Go sit in front of the Christmas tree, then. Are Mami and Papi awake?" _

"_Yep!" Tiana says. "You'll follow, right?" She asks, looking doubtfully at Santana. She rolls her eyes._

"_Yes. I promise." Santana says. Tiana is gone before she can even finish what she was saying. She throws her legs off the bed and grudgingly drags herself to the living room where she sees her dad in a similar state._

"_Merry Christmas, Mami, Papi." She says as she flops down on the recliner beside the couch where parents are trying not fall back asleep._

"_Merry Christmas, mija." Maria says, with a sleepy smile. Carlos gives her a smile, too sleepy to actually reply._

"_Presents, presents, presents!" Tiana exclaims. "S, you go first. I have something for you!" The smallest of the Lopez family runs energetically to under the tree and digs out under the boxes of presents a small, badly wrapped gift. She hands it to Santana with a big smile on her face. Santana accepts the gift graciously all the while eyeing the knowing smile now gracing her parents' faces._

_Santana shakes the package close to her ear. She pokes the package around, smirking slightly when Tiana begins to whine. Finally, Santana rips the package open and is surprised when something thin and silver falls to her palm._

_It was a silver bracelet. It had an engraving and the message brings a full blown smile to her lips. She begins to ache in all the right places. She looks at her parents._

"_We had it engraved at the jewelry store down the street. Other than that, that's all Tiana." Carlos says. _

"_You're ugly when you cry, S." Santana laughs. But Tiana looks completely serious._

"_You are!" She insists. "But that's why I wanted to give you this. So when you trip from the stairs like that time when you were blind or when your boyfriend breaks up with you or when you just feel like being ugly, you'd remember what you have to do." Santana gets up from her sit and hugs Tiana._

"_Can't breathe… Tana…"_

"_Thank you."_

* * *

><p>Santana's heart is thudding painfully against her chest. They're on a plane going to Lima, Ohio. It's more than five hundred miles away from New York and often, this knowledge used to help her get through her days. She knows that she's only running away from ever facing it but then, she had been so desperate that she didn't care anymore. And for a while, it helped. It gave her space to breathe, to function without hurting so much. It gave her a chance to forget.<p>

But now, every minute that passes on the plane, the more unbearable the wait is. She begins regretting her decision. Barely thirty minutes later, she finds herself wanting to jump off the plane. She feels like her life away from home didn't do anything. More than anything, she fears that she lost the right to stand in front of them.

Brittany senses her uneasiness and reaches out to take Santana's hand.

"Relax. Breathe." She says in that soothing voice she reserves for Santana when she is lost in her nightmares, or on times like this when the brunette could barely breathe. Santana tries to hear Brittany's words. She closes her eyes and blanks her mind. She clears every thought, every worry, every fear, every hesitation, every doubt and instead she focuses on the steady and firm grip of Brittany's hand.

"Go to sleep." Brittany instructs. I'll wake you up when we get there." Which would be an hour after but Santana could care less. She feels that if she doesn't shut down, her mind would probably go on overdrive, and she would probably end up jumping off the plane. So she sleeps. She escapes into the world that could be either her worst enemy or her best friend.

Brittany watches Santana fade into the world of dreams, her tight grip loosening little by little. She doesn't make an effort to pull away. Instead, she tugs it toward her as she guides Santana's body toward her so she could rest Santana's head on her shoulder. Santana, barely awake but still there, doesn't resist.

"I hope you'll be okay." Brittany whispers to her. Santana barely hears it but she does anyway. She takes Brittany's arm and presses it to her side, the warmth lulling her to sleep.

"Hope so too." She mumbles. Brittany presses her lips gently on Santana's hair. A few minutes later, her breathing evens out but Brittany hears the slight stagger in its pace. There's a slight frown on her face and it cracks her heart to think that she's not sleeping peacefully again.

Honestly, Santana isn't the only one who's afraid of what might happen. Brittany had watched her heal slowly. She had watched her finally get the courage to get up and try to take one step forward.

She's not stupid. She knows that this trip can go both ways: either Santana walks stronger than ever or she crumples back to her old self. And Brittany fears the worst possible scenario. Santana had finally, _finally_ started healing and she's not so sure if this will help her heal or wound her more.

Brittany rakes her fingers through Santana's hair gently. She tries to take away the tension in her body that remains even when she's unconscious. She tries to reach out to her dreams, to let her in and let her shine in Santana's dark world.

* * *

><p>"She went back to where?" Quinn glares at him as she paces in her kitchen. Caleb is sitting on the counter, the disbelief evident on his face.<p>

"Home, Caleb. She went back to Lima, that godforsaken town." Quinn says. "She told me that she wanted to say goodbye. But when I asked her if she's going to be okay, she shook her head and told me she didn't know. God, what if it doesn't help her? What if she ends up hurting herself more? What if – ?" Caleb grabs her by the shoulders and forces her to stop pacing.

"Okay, one. I'm getting dizzy watching you. Two, way too much 'what ifs'. And lastly, you have to trust her. She needs to do this. She needs to stand on her own again. You know that right?"

"Yes, but… But what will we do if she breaks again?" Caleb pulls her into his arms.

"Then we'll just have to try and glue her back together again. But right now, she needs you to trust her. She needs you to believe that she's strong enough. Stop worrying." He pulls away to look Quinn straight in the eyes. "Okay?" Quinn sighs, worry still shining in her eyes. But she deflates and offers a small smile to Caleb.

"Thank you." Caleb gives her a smug smile.

"I think I deserve something way better than thank you." Quinn rolls her eyes but stands on her tip toes anyway and pecks him on the lips.

"Satisfied?"

"Much better."

* * *

><p>Santana's palms are sweating profusely. Her knees are shaking slightly but she's putting up a strong front so Brittany wouldn't worry. They were walking out of the airport, waiting for Brittany's mom to call them.<p>

"Are you okay?" Brittany asks her quietly. Santana turns to look her. There's a worried frown adoring her face and her eyes are shining with concern.

"Yup." She half lies. She gives the blonde a smile and this seems to ease her worry because the next thing she knows, she's launching into a detailed description of her family.

"Okay, stuff you have to remember. My mom stays at home and she's a really nice person. You don't have to worry about my dad. He's fun to be with and he works as a doctor at the only hospital here. My sister, Annie, is in fourth year high school. She's still a child sometimes but not in an annoying kind of way. She's a great friend."

"Is your dad protective?" At this point, Santana begins to worry about something completely different.

"Not really, but he keeps a gun in the drawer in their dresser just in case of emergencies." Santana pales. And Brittany laughs when she notices the change of color. "Don't worry! He'd never aimed it at a person."

"Haven't you heard? There's a first time for everything." She begins to imagine the nice Mr. Pierce in her head pointing a gun at her. Oh God, why did she agree to this again? "Does he know we're together?" Brittany smiles sheepishly. "Okay! I gotta go dig a grave for myself then! Oh God, oh God, oh God."

"S…" But Santana doesn't hear her.

"I don't think you've ever heard of nice daddies becoming mean daddies who points a gun at their daughter's boyfriend slash girlfriend or the fact that oh my God, he's a doctor!"

"San…"

"What if he freaking injects me with anesthesia while I'm asleep? And then he opens me up and takes my insides apart? What kind of a doctor is he? Is he a surgeon? Oh my God, what if he is?"

"Santana!" Brittany comes to a stop, trying to get Santana's attention, still busy worrying about meeting the parents.

"And your mom! She stays at home, right? So she cooks. Knives." Santana deadpans. "What if she decides to throw them at me? What if I say something wrong? Wait, what the hell do I even say? Why the fuck didn't I worry about this sooner? I should have written my will. Goodbye happy days…" Brittany laughs when she starts talking about funeral songs. Santana couldn't hear her so she kisses her right there in the middle of the airport. The kiss lasts for only seconds but it's enough to deflate Santana's tense posture.

"Stop worrying. You're going to be great. And they're going to love you." Santana, too stunned to formulate words, nods her head.

"Brittany!" A spitting image of Brittany breaks the bubble of the couple.

"Mom!" Brittany's face splits into a smile as she runs to meet her mother halfway. She throws her arms around her waist, reminding Santana of children who cling to the legs of their parents. It' the first time she ever witnessed something so adorably childish. Mrs. Pierce had a content look on her face, a look that made Santana miss her own mother more than ever.

She stands awkwardly two steps behind the reunion. Not knowing what to do, she focuses her attention to her shoes, taking the utmost interest in them. She doesn't notice the two women let go of each other or Mrs. Pierce coming towards her. Before she knows it, she's in the arms of Brittany's mother as if they've known each other for a very long time.

Mrs. Pierce had seen her standing awkwardly and she instantly felt sorry for the girl. Though she looks better than she had expected based on Brittany's stories, she felt like the girl is too skinny for her own good. She notices the almost invisible bags under the brunette's eyes and Mrs. Pierce can't help but understand her daughter's passion into fixing her. Something inside her moves as she remembers how she looked like when her own mom died. The pain was almost unbearable and she can't help but wonder how Santana is still alive and holding on.

"You must be Santana. My daughter talks about you a lot." Santana shoots Brittany a panicked look and when she gets a reassuring smile in return, she pats the older woman on the back. Jesus, why does everything feel so awkward, she thinks.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Pierce." She says when she pulls away. Grace Pierce looks exactly the same as Brittany except for the eyes. She had deep and striking brown ones and as she looks at Santana straight in the eye, she can't help but cower a little bit.

"Mom! Stop scaring her." Brittany moves forward to poke Santana's cheek. "You should have heard her not more than ten minutes ago. She actually thought you'd throw knives at her." Grace laughs wholeheartedly.

"B!" Brittany gives Santana an innocent look. Santana's cheeks are flaring in embarrassment.

"Don't worry, dear, I don't keep knives in my pockets." Grace winks at her.

"Sorry." Santana says obviously at a loss for words.

"There's nothing to be sorry about. I assume you guys are tired having to wake up early? Lunch is ready at home. Let's go?" Grace smiles kindly at the couple.

"See, I told you, you'd be fine." Brittany whispers to Santana's ear. The brunette scowls at her.

"I hate you."

"Oh, you love me." Brittany laughs when Santana scoffs.

During the ride to Brittany's home, Santana finds herself confused between being glad that she's back home and dreading it. She avoided this place as long as she possibly could, thinking about was too painful then for her to handle. But now, looking out the window of the backseat, she notices that nothing had changed. Someone is still throwing shit at someone in the streets, gangs are still smoking in the most dangerous streets, and people still seem to care a little bit too much about another's life.

Suddenly, the familiarity of it all hits her hard. The streets are _too_ familiar as if she'd been walking through the same streets all her life. And she realizes that they're driving through the same streets she used to go through to get back or to get away from home. Santana almost loses her composure when they round a corner – the second to the last corner before she rounds another one and she's home.

Santana shuts her eyes hard as they near another corner. She prays as hard as she can because she's not ready. Not yet. Her heart is racing and she's not sure if she's going to either pass out or vomit as the last memory she has of that house invades her mind. It was nothing but raging flames and burnt flesh. Memories turned into ashes, life turned into nothing. She could hear the blood rush into her body. Her fists are clenched on her lap, waiting for the dreaded turn.

"San? Are you okay?" Brittany's voice pushes her a little closer to the edge. She cracks an eye open hoping Brittany could see the torture in her eyes. She can feel the tears burn at the back of her eyes and it takes everything she has to stop it from falling. She's cracking.

Brittany watches Santana as a million emotions flash through her body. She's stiff but shaking and there's something in her eyes that tells the Brittany that something's awfully off. She makes her way to the backseat just as Santana bows her head.

"Mom, can you pull over?" Grace, who is aware of the shift in the atmosphere, follows her daughter's wish. She watches as Brittany clambers hurriedly over to Santana's side.

"Santana?" Grace calls to her softly. Brittany takes a fist into her hand when she doesn't respond.

"San? Please talk to me, you're scaring me." She pries the hand to open.

"Sorry." Santana's voice comes out hoarse but there's guilt behind it that she fails to conceal.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Brittany asks softly. Santana opens her eyes as she gasps for the air. The pain is clawing at her from her heart to her throat. She seems unable to say the words. But Brittany squeezes her hand comfortingly, trying to channel some courage into her. Almost like a child who's cowering in her bed from the supposed monsters in her closet, Santana surveys her surroundings.

They had stopped right in the corner.

She wants to look away so bad. But the shock overrides her judgment and it renders her numb and unable to control her body. She feels a million things at once. She falls over the edge and the tears drop. Brittany's saying something she can't hear. Everything is happening too fast for her to comprehend, to even ready herself. Painfully, she makes an effort to look at Brittany.

The look in her eyes scares Brittany more than anything she'd ever seen before. Her eyes are wide and Brittany could see the sheer panic, the raw pain.

"S…" Brittany watches the tears fall effortlessly from her eyes as if Santana has lost control over it, as if every part of her is crying in agony.

"I – I used to live there." Her voice cracks towards the end. The mask drops and Santana is left bare. Brittany turns to look at the window and she doesn't know why but she's suddenly filled with dread.

After almost three years, nobody bothered to set foot on the property. It's apparent in the way the burnt fence is still lying on the sidewalk as if it were crawling away from the disaster. It was like watching a black and white movie. But the difference is everything is black, literally as if the life was sucked out of it. There were no windows and the door is nowhere to be found. The second floor is gone and the only hint that there was a second floor is the cement posts standing.

For the first time, Brittany is close to understanding Santana's pain. She feels like her heart is being wrenched out for the lifeless house. Try as she may, she fails to imagine the life that once radiated from it. She can't see lights, can't hear joyous laughter. All that she can conjure is a scream very much like the time when Santana got sucked into her nightmares and lost grip of reality. The scream in her head multiplies tenfold.

Brittany hears a choke and she worriedly turns around to look at Santana. Her gaze is still at the house, the tears now a waterfall of sorrow.

"I used to live there." Santana chokes out. "B, I used to live there." She whispers so painfully soft that Brittany almost doesn't hear. Every minute feels more painful and the earth is shattering beneath her feet but at the same time it holds her there as steady as ever as if it's willing her to look, to _see_. Santana thought the world is cruel but right now, as it fails to grant her wish for it to open up and swallow her whole; she thinks it's ruthless and cold and unforgiving.

Brittany takes her then, the tears falling from her own eyes. She engulfs her in her arms as if trying to protect her from the pain but failing to do so. Santana crumples in her arms and it's worse than anything she'd ever witnessed. Brittany fights off the fear that she's going to lose Santana to herself. She reaches out, she holds her hand, she presses the shaking body to her, she combs through her hair, she's doing everything she can to reach Santana but the brunette's tears are unstoppable. The tremors in her body don't cease. Brittany meets her mother's gaze hopelessly, silently begging her to tell her what to do. But Grace is at a loss, unable to comprehend how someone can handle so much pain. Brittany had never seen her mother look so old and sad. But in this moment, she sees the unshed tears shining in her mother's eyes and breaks Brittany even more.

Grace tears her eyes away from the image of her daughter in tears because of another's pain and Santana trapped in an agony no one can save her from. She starts the car, willing herself to stay strong for both girls. She takes them away from the horrid image.

Santana turns in Brittany's arms catching a last glimpse of what used to be a place of safety and of happiness. It's tearing her apart and old wounds reopen, bleeding like it is what it's meant to do all her life. She grasps Brittany's shirt and it scares when even that fails to ground her back to herself.

"I love you. I'm sorry, San. I'm so sorry. I love you." Brittany repeats it again and again and all Santana could think of before everything becomes black is that she's sorry too.

Sorry that she didn't go back in time. Sorry that she wasn't able to save anyone. Sorry that she's fighting a losing battle. Sorry that she can't turn back the hours when there was only bliss. Sorry that she wasn't strong enough. Sorry that she believes that she never will be.

* * *

><p>"<em>I'm home!" The sound of the wind chimes being rattled resounds through the whole house just as Carlos' booming voice followed. Before he knew it, Tiana is attached to his leg and hugging the life out of it. <em>

"_Papi!" The child exclaims. Carlos chuckles as she ruffles the little girl's hair._

"_Hello, mija." Tiana lets his leg go but now she's jumping around._

"_I helped cook dinner! Mami let me stir the soup after she turned off the stove. It was really hot. But it smelled nice and Mami says that it's all because of me." Tiana beams with pride._

"_Don't take the credit all to yourself, T. _I _cut the veggies remember?" Santana says from the kitchen._

"_Oh yeah, Sanny helped too." _

"_Hi, Papi! Dinner's almost ready."_

"_Hi, dear. Can you please set the table?" Maria says as she sets everything up with Santana._

"_Ah, my girls. Always bossing me around." Carlos says with a hearty laugh as her follows his wife and daughters obediently. He sets the table with Tiana in tow, letting her place the utensils on each plate. Within a few minutes, everybody is at the table._

"_Welcome home." Maria says before she places a kiss on her husband's lips._

"_EWW! COOTIES ALERT!" Tiana says. Santana covers her eyes, groaning at her parents for acting like teenagers. Maria chuckles._

"_You'll get them when you get older, mija."_

"_NO!" Tiana says, her eyes wide in panic. _

"_Settle down everyone."_

"_I'm hungry. Can we _please _eat now?" Santana says. Carlos does the sign of the cross and everybody follows._

"_Bless us, O Lord, for these thy gifts which we are about to receive from thy bounty through Christ our Lord, Amen."_

"_And please provide the needs of others." Tiana adds._

"_Amen?"_

"_Amen."_

* * *

><p>"<em>I get to pick the movie!" Tiana says excitedly. Santana groans from her place on the couch.<em>

"_Please, dear God, pick something that is _not_ Finding Nemo." She says. Maria places a pacifying hand on Santana's thigh, silently asking her to be nice. _

"_Did you hide the tapes?" She whispers to Carlos who pales. Maria sighs._

"_Sorry." Carlos whispers back. They watch all in amused and dreaded silence what Tiana will pick for their movie night. After a moment, the little girl stands up from her place and turns to look at them, the ever toothy grin splitting her face._

"_We're watching _Marley and Me_!" She announces. Mr. and Mrs. Lopez plus Santana sits dumbfounded on the couch. _

_All of them haven't watched the movie so by the end of the movie especially on the part when Marley's owner is saying goodbye, all of them were in tears even though Carlos and Santana desperately tried to hide theirs. The movie was heartbreakingly beautiful._

"_I think I prefer it better if you picked Finding Nemo." Santana says with a sniff. They fall asleep side by side that night, as if it's their first time realizing what they have._

* * *

><p>"<em>I loved him, S." 15-year old Tiana sobs into her sister's arms. It was her first breakup and Santana wants nothing more than to pummel the bastard. But she can't. Not right now. Tiana needs her more.<em>

"_I know. I know." She says gently, rocking her sister back and forth. Tiana bawls her eyes out a little more and for the next ten minutes, Santana whispers comforting words to her._

"_He's not the right one, T. You deserve better. You know that. Someone _will_ love you back just as much and maybe more. Be strong." She whispers the words again and again until the sobs fade into sniffs. "Are you okay?" _

"_No." Tiana says. "I want ice cream." Santana chuckles and her sister glares at her. _

"_Tone down the glare, squirt. Come on, let's get you some ice cream." They spend the night on the couch watching chick flicks and crying their eyes out. They're mom joins them somewhere in the middle and just like that, Tiana feels a little bit better as the night wears on._

* * *

><p>Grace tucks Santana in on Brittany's bed as her daughter hovers protectively.<p>

"I didn't think it was this bad." Grace says, honestly dumbfounded. She watches as the tears continue to fall from Santana's closed eyes. She's unconscious but the pain persists even to her dreams.

"What do I do?" Brittany asks in a small voice as if ashamed that she could do so little. Mrs. Pierce takes her in her arms, rubbing her back gently.

"Hold on, honey. Don't let her go. She needs you now more than ever. You know that, right?" Brittany nods, trying desperately to steady herself having been exposed to something incredibly traumatizing. "Now, come on. We have to explain this to your Dad and Annie."

"But…" Brittany looks at Santana's restless face, unsure of what to do.

"Let her be. She needs time to find herself again." Grace says softly. Brittany sighs, defeated.

"Sometimes I wish I can just take her pain away."

"I know, dear. But you have to trust her to let the pain make her a stronger person. Believe in her. Trust her."

"I do." Brittany bends to kiss Santana's forehead. The frown on it loosens up a little and Brittany sighs in relief. At least she can still do something.

They tiptoe quietly out the door, shutting it as quietly as possible. As they make their way down the stairs, Mr. Pierce meets them halfway.

"How is she?" Grace only shakes her head.

"We don't know." She answers honestly.

"What happened?" Annie asks, genuinely worried for her sister's friend. Her sister obviously cares for this person as she watches Brittany look down forlornly at her feet, the image of the pain Santana's eyes imprinted in her mind. Annie places a hand on her sister's shoulder willing her to tell them so that they'd know if there's any way to help. Brittany looks up to the concerned eyes of her family, her eyes brimming with overflowing emotion. Santana doesn't have this kind of family anymore. Only then is Brittany able to understand how lonely it must have been and how lonely it must still be.

Brittany tells them everything. From the first time she met Santana to the nightmares up to the point not more than two hours ago when Santana had been unexpectedly exposed to one of her greatest fears without enough time to prepare herself. It's painful to relieve everything but Brittany knows that they deserve an explanation after they were caught unprepared for such a sad thing to happen.

"Will she be okay?" Annie asks quietly as soon as Brittany finishes. There's a sadness in her sister's eyes that she tries to understand but cannot actually do so. Brittany shakes her head, unsure.

"I don't know."

* * *

><p>Puck flops down on his couch, content after a satisfying Chinese takeout. It's a rare free day. No paperwork, no meetings, not even a single phone call from the firm. He picks up his controller intent to play his heart out. Video games are his secret obsession. Since he was a teenager, his mom could never pull him out of the room when he was playing. He would often spend his savings on new games. He even did pool cleaning just so he can buy a new game.<p>

Adrenaline pumping and the excitement making him look like a kid, he is about to press the X on his controller when his phone rings.

"Goddamn it. Cock block." He mutters under his breath, intent on yelling his guts out this bastard who dared interrupt him on his video game time. He rummages around the couch trying to look for his cellphone. He finds it under the cushion. His glare disappears however when he sees the name flashing on his screen.

_Satan Lopez_

His eyebrows knit together trying not to worry so much. Who knows, maybe she's just calling to offer him a threesome. The idea makes him smile like he's won the lottery and quickly [resses the green phone.

"Yo, Lopez! Are you finally offering me sex?" Puck says.

"Puck." The tone of her voice snaps him out of his perverted thoughts. He listens intently and not more than a minute later, he hears what sounded vaguely like choking back tears.

"San? Are you okay? What's wrong? Where are you?" He hears a sharp intake of breath from the other line and he curses inwardly.

"Lima, Ohio." She says hoarsely. Puck thinks about it having heard about the place somewhere.

"Wait, isn't that where you used to – … Oh." He gets the connection and the realization of why she must be calling hits him hard.

"I'm at Brittany's house. She's downstairs explaining my fucked up life to her family." She tries to sound strong but she fails miserably. Her voice cracks and it's obvious enough that Puck notices it.

"What happened?" There's a long pause at the end of the line and if it weren't for the sniffling sounds, he would have thought that she hung up on him. Puck waits with clenched fists, frustrated that he can't do anything but.

"I saw… the house." Home seemed to be a faraway word right now and she can't bring to describe the pile of ashes and rubble as a place where she was once content and happy with her family.

"You weren't ready."

"No."

"Shit, I'm sorry." Puck puts his face to his hands, genuinely feeling sorry for his best friend that might be the closest thing he has for a sister.

"What do I do?" The desperation in Santana's voice rips him apart. "I can't… I don't think… I…"

"Breathe, S. Calm down. Cry it out first." He instructs gently. He hears her take a few deep breaths, no doubt trying to stop. "Are you okay?"

"Dumb question." Puck flinches.

"I'm sorry I disturbed you, I couldn't call Quinn. That girl's worried about me enough. Caleb's probably with her. So I'm left with you."

"Gee, thanks for making me feel like I'm worth something." Pucks jokes.

"You're not." Santana teases back weakly. It was half-hearted and it sucked ass but Puck's just glad that she's trying to pull through.

"You know what you have to do, S." He says, suddenly serious.

"I can't."

"You can!"

"Goddamn it Puck, I just cried my fucking eyes out and I really don't want to do that again." Santana says as harshly as she can. But Puck is unfazed.

"Listen. I'm not saying it's going to be easy like a walk in the park because it's not. It's going to hurt like a freaking bitch."

"God, you suck at pep talk."

"Let me finish." He says insistently. "You have to. You _need _to go and see them. It's part of accepting it. And besides, they've probably been waiting for you for a very long time. Do you really want to keep them waiting still?"

"They're dead." Santana says this time with venom.

"They're not. They're in you."

"You sound like my fucking shrink." Puck sighs.

"Look, I'm betting you have a lot to say. You have to stop being such a pussy and man up. They're you're family, S. What the hell are you so scared of?" His words hits Santana hard and fast and she falls silent. Puck listens, ready to retaliate for any argument. They _are_ herfamily, Santana thinks. They're the same people she spent her entire life with. They're the same people she argued and laughed with. But the difference is they can't reach out and hug her or talk to her. There are so many things she wants to ask them, to tell them. But she's scared that it won't do anything. She knows he's right. She needs to do this for her to be able to move on and let them go. Because maybe, just maybe, she doesn't want to do this because it means that she's letting them go and starting a life on her own.

It scares her. But then again, what doesn't?

"You should consider a career change. Maybe a shrink or a guidance counselor." Puck laughs.

"You're welcome, S." Santana smiles for the first time since she saw what used to be her house.

"Thank you." She says quietly and sincerely. She hears the sound of video games and chuckles. She ends the call and stares at the ceiling. She could still hear Brittany struggle her way to explaining her life and it breaks her heart that she's going through that pain because of her.

"_Let her be. She needs time to find herself again."_

And she does. If she wants to live an easier life, she does. Ever since Brittany came into her life, she had wanted to protect the girl. Those who want and did make her cry will suffer. After the bastard Mason, no one had dared to even try to insult Brittany. It was an unspoken rule. But now, she's breaking her own rule being the coward she is. She's in tears because of her – because she's too scared to face her fears.

"_Sometimes I wish I could take away her pain."_

Brittany thought she was unconscious but really, she just didn't have any strength to even open her eyes then. Dialing Puckerman's number was nearly an impossible task since she could barely see through tears. Hearing her say those words gave her a feeling she can barely describe. All she knows is that it makes her want to move past this chapter of her story and start a new one, this time with no tears with Brittany. Her phone beeps.

_Stop lying around and get your ass out there. You're gonna be fine, Lopez. You're badass remember? I'm losing my game worrying about you and it's pissing me off. So do this for me babe and be strong._ _- Sexgod. _

Santana smiles a little. She can hear the sincerity behind those words and she thanks whatever higher being there is for giving her Puck. She pushes off the covers and plans to sneak out. Brittany and her family has worried enough about her. This is something she must do on her own.

* * *

><p>She finds them almost instantly, her feet leading her into the cemetery as if they know where to go even though she had never set foot in it. The identical headstones look back at her.<p>

_Carlos Lopez, August 9, 1958 – March 21, 2009._

_Maria Lopez, January 16, 1960 – March 21, 2009._

_Tiana Lopez, November 5, 1991 – March 21, 2009._

It's excruciating.

Santana drops to the hard ground, barely processing the pain of the impact to her knees. She pulls back her fist and hits the ground. She pulls it back again and this time she hits the hard stone. It doesn't even hurt. Physical pain is nothing compared to this.

She had no tears. No amount of it could ever make the pain be bearable. Her body recognizes the defeat but it only makes everything a lot harder. The sun is shining obliviously up above. The world continues to spin, life goes on. Santana clutches her chest. Breathing has suddenly become an impossible task. Her mouth is open in a silent scream, her eyes accusing the clear, blue skies. There is no sign of a brewing storm or the smallest of droplets. But Santana thinks it's raining so hard, she's drowning and it scares her that she wishes that she is. It hurts to breathe, it hurts to move, but most of all, it hurts to live.

She thought that if she did this alone, it would make everything a little easier. She regrets it now, just like how she's regretting everything else in her life. Her mouth closes, her eyes become dull. She feels like she's trapped in this long and horrible nightmare and no matter how hard she tries her everything isn't enough to break free from it. Santana loses the fight within her. It fades into nothingness. There are no words for this pain. It courses through her veins, her heart continuously pumping it through her entire body.

She stares at the stones, willing them to disappear. But it doesn't and it won't, not even in her dreams. She opens her mouth to speak, to ask the millions of questions that will forever remain unanswered. And for the first time since she tried walking on her own two feet, she wishes for her heart to stop beating.

"Hey, T, Mami, Papi. It's me, Santana."

They answer her back in silence and Santana almost gives up. But no. She gathers up the last of her courage and smiles. It's a little broken and definitely sad but Santana's sure they'd understand.

"I'm sorry it took me all this time to come here. I just … I wasn't strong enough yet and I'm not sure if I'm strong enough now. I'm sorry." The wind blows and suddenly everything feels like they're listening. It gives Santana a little more courage. She's being ripped apart by the words she wants to say. And she feels so tired of holding them back that she lets them flow out, unrestrained, unfiltered. She begins with her long list of apologies.

"I'm sorry for the times that I said I hate you. I'm sorry for the times when I left the house and didn't go back until the next morning. I'm sorry for ever making you guys worry. I'm sorry if I wasn't there when you needed someone. I'm sorry I wasn't a perfect daughter or sister. I'm sorry for the times we argued and I talked back." She gasps for breath but she's not done yet.

"I'm sorry I didn't go back. I'm sorry I couldn't save any of you. I'm sorry I lived and you guys had to go. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't say goodbye. I'm sorry that I feel like I didn't tell you guys 'I love you' enough. I'm sorry I couldn't let anyone of you go. I'm sorry for… for everything I wasn't able to do and didn't do. I'm so sorry." Sorry had never meant anything to Santana up until today. Now, the word feels like a knife being stabbed straight to her guts, injecting her with regret and guilt. She grips the grass under her, trying to steady herself.

It hurts. It hurts more than she had expected. Death means something more than just pain. It means loneliness, agony, sorrow, tears, pain, anger, guilt, regret, life.

"It's not easy you know. Living without a family. I walk in the park and see them all the time but all I can think about is how much I fucking wish I didn't lose mine. We could be laughing in an alternate world. We could be watching movies and dealing with simple heartbreak. But in this world, no. It's far from that. Here I wake up in the morning _still_ hoping that you, Mami, will be up cooking my favorite pancakes. And that Tiana would barge into my room pushing me off the bed. And Papi would beg for coffee as soon as he gets up. I'm still hoping it was a horrible nightmare. But it's not and I had to live through that. I don't blame any of you. I just wish that this didn't happen. But it did and I can't do anything about it even though I so badly want to." Santana no longer thinks about the words. It comes from deep within her scarred heart, pouring her soul out.

"I'm not here to make you guys feel guilty. I'm here to say that…" She takes a deep breath. Her eyes are tearing and some of the tears has managed to escape. "…that I love you and I miss you every single day of my life.

"Papi, we're so much alike. We hate mornings and we rely on coffee to keep us alive. We love Mami and Tiana and would do anything for them and I love for that. But most of all, I love you because you loved me despite of who I am. I love you because you protected me. I love you just because you're my dad and no one can replace you." She wipes a tear.

"_Be brave, mija. If not for you then for the people you love." _

She hears his voice in her head and it makes her heart skip a beat. It's only a memory of what used to be but God, it's more than enough.

"Mami, we fight sometimes. But you were there to cook food for me on late nights and for that time when I was so heartbroken over a breakup. You were there to sing me lullabies when I had nightmares. You were there to guide me through my life and I can't thank you enough for that. I'm crying right now. And if you were here, you would wipe it away and tell me corny jokes. I miss that. But it's okay. I love you still, Mami. I'm sorry I didn't say it soon enough." Santana turns to the last headstone and it becomes the hardest yet.

"_I love you, Santana. And nothing can change that. You can love whoever your heart chooses and you can count on me to love you through all of it. I'm your mother and I'm not going to throw that away no matter what. I'll be at your wedding and dance with the girl you're going to marry. I'll teach her how to make your breakfast and I'll always remind you to love her with your life."_

"T. I'm so proud of you. You're my one and only sister, the best sister I'll ever have and the bestest best friend anybody can have. We fight like cats and dogs sometimes but we watch heartbreaking movies and cry over it together more. I can't tell you just how much I miss those times. Remember, _Bicentennial Man_ and how we could finish our popcorn because it was drenched with our tears? I miss it. So much. But you're not here anymore and it hurts but it'll be okay. I love you, T. I hope you know that." There's no stopping her tears now, she's almost there. She feels a dull throbbing in her chest but more than that, she breathes a little easier.

"_S? I'm here okay? I'm here to be Super Tiana when you need me to be. We'll eat a while tub of ice cream together and I'll make you laugh as hard as I can. So please stop crying. Super Tiana's here for you."_

"San?" She hears the voice of the love of her life and she whips around. The blonde has tears in her eyes but Santana doesn't care if she heard her. Brittany comes closer and drops down to the ground next to her. She takes Santana's hand in hers and gazes straight into brown pools and Santana hears the 'I love you' that she's trying to say. Santana smiles at her, tears still falling. Brittany feels something heavy lifted off her shoulders and she wonders if Santana felt it too.

"Mami, Papi, T? Meet Brittany. She's part of the reason why I'm here now and why I'm able to live through it all. She's the girl that I love and she's the girl I will someday marry if she wants to." Brittany blushes but smiles nonetheless. She turns to the headstones and if Brittany didn't know any better, she'd say that they were smiling. The sun shines brighter than before and everything feels a little bit better.

"Hi, Mr. and Mrs. L. Hello, Tiana. I'm Brittany. You're probably worrying about your daughter and sister right now but I promise to love Santana with everything I've got. I promise not to hurt her and even though we may have fights in the future, I'll still love her through it. I promise to take care of your daughter and sister. I promise to give her everything she deserves and more." Brittany says sincerely. It doesn't feel so sad now and Santana can feel wounds healing. It's slow but it's more than enough. She stands up from her place on the ground, pulling Brittany up with her. She turns one last time to the headstones and the wind blows. She could almost hear them and she closes her eyes, taking in the moment. She opens them again and she can still feel the pain but there's love in her too and an acceptance she'd been searching for for so long. The storm stops and she feels warmer, more alive. The tears ceases to fall and this time, when she smiles, it reaches her eyes.

Brittany had never loved her more than she does right now.

"Thank you for everything. Thank you for giving me the chance to live. I don't want to say goodbye because I know we'll see each other again. So for now, I'll say that I miss you and that I love you." She raises her right hand and waves.

"See you later."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This is a peace offering for the godawfully long update. I really am sorry about that. This chapter was beta-ed by the closest thing I have for a sister, privatephilosopher. Thank you. If you guys are wondering, the engraving on Santana's bracelet will be revealed in the next chapter. I hope you liked it. this was seriously hard to write. :))**

**Thank you for the people who reviewed this story and put it on story alert and favorites. For the anonymous/no account reviews, I will address each and every one of you byt the end of the story. For now, know that I appreciate it and I love you guys just as much. Thank you.**

**Tell me what you think?**

**Brittana (GLEE LIVE 3D),**

**theangel1710**


	13. Chapter 13: Almost There

**Chapter 13: Almost There**

"Are you okay?" The question means a lot more now. It's more than being okay enough to function or being okay enough to get through the day. Santana hears the question in a different perspective.

"_Are you okay? Will you be able to live your life again? Do you need me to hold your hand? Do you need me to help you to stand? Are you okay? Are you better than okay?"_

Santana turns to meet worried blue eyes. Brittany's grip on her hand never once faltered since they walked out of the cemetery. She gives her a small smile. They had a couple of hours before sunset and Santana wants to get this over with.

"Soon. I need to go home." Uncertainty flashes in Brittany's eyes and she bites her bottom lip the way she does whenever she's nervous or scared about something. It wasn't easy to witness Santana's pain on the mere sight of the remnants of the house. But she needs this and Brittany doesn't have the heart to stop her.

"Come with me?" Santana whispers softly. Brittany smiles at her.

"Of course. Where else would I be?" Santana's heart beats a little livelier.

* * *

><p>Quinn moves to the song playing on her iPod, unaware that she is being watched. She drops the mushrooms into the pan and the aroma of roasted beef occupies the room. Quinn looks smugly at the pan, her hips moving to the beat. She turns around her eyes closed and fingers snapping. Caleb chuckles from the doorway, amused. The promise ring is dangling on her neck and his breath hitches. Quinn opens her eyes, meaning to grab the turner. She catches sight of Caleb and he had never seen anyone blush so fast in his life.<p>

"Caleb! H-How long have you been standing there?" Quinn adjusts her apron, still flushing in embarrassment. Caleb smirks playfully.

"Long enough to see you do a sexy dance." Quinn scoffs.

"I can't dance to save my life. I think you're confusing me with Brittany." Caleb laughs and moves to land a kiss right on Quinn.

"Santana will kick my sorry ass if I do _that_ to Brittany." Quinn smiles at him and turns to stir the sauce and the beef. Caleb flops down on the counter, yawning.

"How's your afternoon nap?"

"Good. But it feels even greater to wake up know that I'll see you right after." Quinn blushes.

"God, you are so corny and cheesy."

"You like it."

"Whatever. It doesn't change the fact that you are." Quinn banters back playfully.

"Right. Is that ready yet? I'm starving."

"Who says you're going to get any?" Caleb pouts but Quinn puts on a hard face.

"Please?" Caleb bats his eyes to add to the effect.

"Are you gay?"

"Would you still love me if I was?" Quinn's jaw drops in mock horror.

"Oh my God! I'm going to marry a closeted gay!" As soon as the words come out of her mouth, both sports a look of shock. Quinn doesn't know where that came from and Caleb's just shocked that he thinks she just said yes to an unspoken question.

Caleb smiles and stands up to put his hands on Quinn's shoulders.

"Did you just – …?"

"No!" Quinn says a little too fast. She turns to the pan and begins to serve the food. "Sit back down. We're going to eat." Caleb chuckles quietly to himself. Judging from the way Quinn's avoiding his eyes, he knows that she's not ready yet and that's okay. It's enough to know that she's at least considering it.

Caleb takes hold of her wrist just as she set down the rice. Quinn is as red as a tomato but her eyes meet Caleb's out of sheer surprise.

"It's okay, you know. We don't have to talk about it yet. I can wait if you're not ready." Quinn turns to normal and Caleb sees her exhale the breath that she might have been holding since he touched her.

"Thank you." She smiles in relief. He lets go of her wrist and eyes the food in front of him.

"So, I don't know about you but this smells great. I'm digging in." Caleb shoves his spoon into his mouth before he could even finish the sentence. She laughs.

* * *

><p>"Are you absolutely sure?" Brittany asks one more time stopping three blocks away from Santana's former home. She had grabbed Santana's face, her worried blue eyes peering into brown hesitant ones. Santana places her hands over Brittany's, bringing them down and gripping her hands.<p>

"No. But that's exactly why I want you there with me. I need to do this, B. You understand, right?" Instead of answering, Brittany grips Santana's hand hard. She leans her forehead on the brunette's for a few seconds before capturing her lips with her own. It was simple, a light peck on the lips that lasted a little too long. But it's enough to give Santana the courage she needs. Brittany smiles at her. They move forward, hands joined in anticipation.

The walls of cement stood, black and dead. Half of the roof is gone and the other half looks like it's going to fall off. Santana feels a sudden urge to run away. So she plants her feet firmly on the ground. She chose this.

_Fight__or__flight_.

She has done enough running away. She takes a deep breath, the smell of old wood filling her lungs and she knows that this is it and there's no turning back. She can feel Brittany's steady hand in hers and it grounds her to this reality. She feels a gentle squeeze and it pushes her forward to take the first step. She's walking like a goddamn snail but it doesn't matter. She's walking forward.

Santana doesn't know how but for one reason or another, the wind chimes survived the fire. As she steps inside, it creates that nostalgic sound and that alone felt almost surreal. She steps inside the house taking Brittany with her. She takes a few more steps and then suddenly, she's in the middle of what used to be their living room. She looks around.

This is the place where they opened Christmas presents. This is the place where her parents met her first boyfriend and girlfriend. This is the place where they endured a hundred repeats of _Finding__Nemo_. This is the place where they can just _be_ a family.

"The walls were beige." She starts. Brittany turns to her. "There was a huge, as in really, really, and possibly the biggest couch I have ever seen right about here." She gestures to a black space. "There's a coffee table right here and my dad always, _always_puts his feet up as soon as he sits down." She chuckles quietly and the she turns toward the opposite wall. "My dad bought a flat screen TV. It was seriously overused. We couldn't stop watching movies after movies. And then there were two plants on each side of it because my mom just had to put them there. Don't ask me why. I can't remember." Santana falters at the end of her statement as she stares right in front of the empty space where she says the TV was. She crouches down.

"And this is where I lost my mom and sister." She says quietly. Brittany aches at the slight tremors of Santana's body. She walks past Santana and into another section of the house.

"What was here, San? What did it look like?" The determination in Brittany's voice startles Santana out of the painful memories. She looks at where Brittany is standing and for one moment, she doesn't recognize what part of the house it was. She could only see flames.

"Santana." Brittany could almost see the fire in Santana's eyes so she snaps her out of it. She needs to remember the good memories because that's how people should live. "I want to know what it looked like." Santana feels a jolt and suddenly color wraps the space where Brittany is standing. Almost wantonly, she moves toward Brittany.

"This was the kitchen." Santana is moving around, gesturing different spaces. "This is where the stove was." Fire erupts in her mind but she struggles to reign it in. She continues. "I burnt so much food in here before I stopped being stubborn and let my mom teach me how to properly cook eggs. There used to be a dining table here. Rectangular table. Five chairs." She's standing right beside Brittany. "One day, everybody was having such a crappy day. It was the first of many. You know what my dad did? He threw spaghetti at Tiana. We were all confused. And then he started laughing and pretty soon I had meatballs in my hair. There was a full blown food fight. It was a pain in the ass cleaning the mess. But it was fun." She paused. But before she could remember exactly how her half-burnt mother crawled her way over to the living room, Brittany intercedes as if she knows exactly what she was thinking about.

"I want to see your bedroom." And so they move on. Santana thanks her very few lucky stars that her parents decided that the house be made more of cement that of wood. However, they could only climb until the last step of the stairs since the whole second floor except for the walls was made of wood. Santana gestures the right.

"That's Tiana's room. Across that would be my room." She moves to the middle space. "And that is where my parent's bedroom would be. My room was all black. Don't judge. And against everybody's suspicions, it was video game posters that were posted on my walls not chick flicks."

"Classy." Brittany jokes. Santana laughs lightly with her.

"Tell me about it. Quinn never failed to laugh at my room whenever she came over which was like every single day. The controller was never more than five feet away from me. I had more stacks of video games than that store near McKinley ever had." Santana admitted. She turned to Brittany who was smiling in that way that never failed to relieve whatever pain she was feeling. Blue eyes are fixed on her and Santana is suddenly struck with how _right_ this feels.

"Tiana?" Brittany prompts. Santana turns to the space where Tiana's room used to be.

"She… She was the best sister anyone can ever have. She was my best friend. She dragged me out of my room when nobody could. She even countered my bitchiness when I got too out of hand. Sometimes she was the older sister out of the both of us. I could rely on her to _know_ me. She and Quinn helped pick me up when I couldn't stand on my own two feet. She was harsh at times but she would always, _always_ apologize when she knows she crossed the line. She cared too much for people and I think everybody deserves a friend like her. Sometimes she can be so messed up but as cruel as this may sound, I kind of feel good when she is because that's the time that I can be something to her – the time when I can pay my little sister back for everything she's done for me."

"It's not cruel." Santana smiles at Brittany. "I wish I met Tiana."

"Yeah, I wish you had too." Brittany began to lead the way down the stairs and Santana took one last glance at the entire floor. For a split second, she could see the floor before the flames. She could see all the memories, she could hear the joyous laughter, she could feel the warmth of being home. And it felt good. So she doesn't stop.

"Mami. She was a great cook. Oh my God, you should have seen her. She looked like she was working fucking _magic_. She could cook anything under the sun. But she's an even greater mom. I never wished for another mom. She knows when I'm drunk and what to do when I'm too intoxicated to climb the stairs. She would talk too much sometimes but that's okay because she would always forgive me. Mami would whisper 'I love you' to my ear every single night. She was amazing. She would have loved you." Santana whispers the last part as they reach the foot of the stairs.

"I already love her!" Brittany replies her smile never faltering.

"Papi is so much like me. He hates mornings as much as I do. And he would always understand me even when I don't say anything. He knows when to pull me to his lap and tell me that I'm beautiful. He knows when to just hug me and then leave me alone to think. He never hit me. But there was this one time that he yelled at me because I came home so late and I forgot to call. It was the only time he yelled. And I never forgot to call after that." Brittany chuckles. "When I told him I was gay, he closed his eyes and he didn't talk to me for two straight days. And I was so scared that I lost him. But you know what? On the third day, he suddenly barged into my room. He picked me and then he _twirled_ me around as if I was seven years old. And then he said, 'my princess'. And told me that I will always be his princess no matter who I love. Papi loved me and until now, knowing that is more than enough."

Santana falls silent, having poured her heart out. She leads them back to the living room.

"San, are you okay?" Brittany asks, finally allowing the worry to reach her voice. Santana looks at Brittany. This. Her. This is her present.

"I love you." The life in her voice fills up the room and the sound of pure love carries through the entire house. Brittany blushes at the intensity. Unable to formulate words, the blonde gathers Santana in her arms, sighing in content.

"I'm proud of you, I hope you know that." She says against Santana's neck.

"Thank you." Santana breathes in Brittany's warm embrace. Just as she was about to pull away, something shiny in the corner caught her eye. She pulls away from Brittany softly, offering a small smile at Brittany's confused expression before she moves toward the corner. She brushes away ashes and rubble and picks through the dirt. She holds it up. Her heart pounds.

It was the silver bracelet Tiana gave her. She brushes away the dirt marring the chains, gripping both ends as if her life depended on it. She flips the bracelet and there it is.

"_Dream_." Brittany reads for her. Santana nodded. Her fingers brush over the engraving and turns to look helplessly at Brittany. The blonde answers her with a smile. "_Dream_, San. _Dream_." Dream something better. Dream life. Dream love. Dream to _be_ more. Dream just because you can.

* * *

><p>Grace can't help but pace in the living room no matter how many times Annie told her to calm down. Brittany and Santana have been gone for almost three hours and it's well past lunch time. Annie had long given up on trying to calm down her mother and is on the couch reading a book. She's been reading the same page for almost an hour. Mr. Pierce is in the kitchen, cooking dinner since Grace seems to be incapable of stirring the vegetables without getting burns today.<p>

"Mom?" Grace is snapped out of her worried state with the uncertainty in Annie's voice.

"Yes, dear?"

"They're okay, right?" Annie looks at her. The 15-year old looks as worried as Grace.

"I hope so. Santana's a little broken. But I'm sure she won't do anything to Brittany."

"Mom, she's a _lot_ broken but yeah. I think she's okay." Annie bites her lip.

"They're fine." Mr. Pierce suddenly says from behind the couch Annie was lying on. "But I hope they come home soon, dinner's ready and I want to meet this Santana – _both_ the sad and happy sides." He says, brushing back his brown and a little gray hair.

Silence falls upon the family. It's almost seven in the evening and though they want to trust the girls, their worries do not cease. Finally, just as Mr. Pierce was about to suggest calling the police, they hear the front door open.

"We're ho—…" Brittany wasn't even able to finish her sentence when her mom comes flying out of nowhere and lands in _Santana__'__s_ arms. The brunette flashes a surprised look at Brittany, not really used to the show of affection. But before Brittany can say something reassuring, she finds _her_ arms filled with Annie.

"We've been waiting for _forever_." Annie says, glaring at her sister when she pulled away. "Daddy was about to call the police." Mr. Pierce nods solemnly beside her.

"Where have you two been?" Unfortunately for Santana, Grace decides to pull away in that very moment and all eyes land on her. She gulps and stares hard at her mud-covered shoes.

"S-sorry." She stutters. But Brittany laces their fingers together and laughs. Santana blushes scarlet when everybody starts laughing at her.

"Come on in. You're just in time for dinner."

"Thank you Mr. Pierce… Mr. P… Uhh." Mr. Pierce chuckles and moves to clap Santana on her back.

"Mr. P is okay, Santana."

The Pierce family plus Santana moves to the dining table and sat down, Santana beside Brittany. The food's aroma makes Santana's stomach grumble and it is only then that she realizes that she's starving.

"So, Santana, what do you do for a living?" Mr. P asks.

"Cliché much, Dad?" Brittany says, giggling at her father's mock appalled expression.

"I wanna get to know her, B! I want to know if she can support my baby girl." Santana smiles.

"I'm a lawyer, sir."

"Ohh, a lawyer, huh? And how does that work for you?"

"I love my job especially when I get to yell at criminals for their own stupidity." Mr. P laughs.

"I see." Santana is starting to feel more at home by the second. She hasn't felt like this in a long time and she briefly wonders if this is all just a wonderful dream. But Brittany turns to look at her, blue eyes shining with love and she knows it's not a dream because dreams can't capture that.

"You okay?" Brittany whispers to her when the whole family laughs at a joke Mr. P failed at telling. Santana smiles and this time, she really does. It reaches her eyes and there's a spark in there that was always missing. Brittany thought it was impossible to love her more than she already does.

"Better than okay." Santana replies. Three words change everything. Everything is suddenly wrapped in color and she breathes a little easier. But the best part of it? She feels Brittany in a way she never has before. There's no pain, no sadness, no regret, no guilt. Only her warm, steady hand that never left hers. Suddenly, life is worth living for.

After dinner, Santana insists to help Grace in cleaning up and the older woman doesn't argue. Both sends Brittany away to have fun with her dad and sister and as their boisterous laughter start filling up the living room, Santana is washing the dishes beside Grace who is drying them.

"I'm sorry for freaking out like that and for sneaking out and for dragging your daughter in my messed up life." Santana suddenly blurts out. Grace smiles softly.

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Santana. But as a mother, I'd like to know of your feelings toward my daughter." Santana pauses, thinking of how to explain to Brittany's mom just how much she loves Brittany.

"Brittany is a dream I never realized I had. Brittany will always be that only person who can make my heart beat like crazy. Brittany is my life, my everything. It's not possible for me to believe in life without her. It's not possible for me to love anyone this much aside from her."

"You know, loving someone that much is a little scary."

"It doesn't matter if she doesn't choose me. I'll let her go if she doesn't want me anymore. I'll fight for her if I see even just a shard of doubt. I will never hurt her because doing that will hurt me more than it can ever hurt her. And even when I do hurt her, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to her."

"So she's the one?"

"She has and will always be the one."

"And you love her?" Santana laughs and Grace peers at her. Santana's brown eyes are shining with emotion, the smile on her face is so full that Grace forgets the broken woman she met hours ago. She wonders if love can really do that. She wonders if love can really change a person drastically.

"Yes, Ma'am. Without a doubt, I do."

"Glad to hear that. Santana Lopez, I expect you to protect her and take care of her okay? And I also expect you to visit us here every now and then."

"I promise." Santana says and for a split second, she sees her own mother. It doesn't hurt anymore, instead she smiles because somewhere in her _they_ live.

"And you do know that you're going to get a talk like this with Brian and Annie, right?" Santana has just finished washing the dishes. She dries her hands.

"I'm prepared."

"Prepared for what?" Suddenly warm arms encircle Santana's waist and she's enveloped with a feeling she will forever cherish. "What are we talking about?"

"It's a secret." Santana replies, chuckling softly. Without turning around, she can already see the pout that must be present on the blonde's face. Grace smiles slyly at them, inconspicuously leaving the room but not before winking at Santana. Brittany lets it go and sighs contently against Santana's neck. She shivers.

"Are you okay?" Brittany asks for the fourth time that day. Yesterday, it might have been the hardest question someone could ever ask her. Yesterday, the answer might have been a half-hearted "yes" or a downright "no." Today is different.

Santana turns in Brittany's arms and stands on her tip toes to kiss Brittany. It's soft and unlike all their other kisses, this one feels light and truly happy. Brittany smiles through the kiss and holds Santana gently against her this time not because she's afraid that she might break but because this time, _finally_, Santana is truly hers. Right now. Here. Santana is in her arms fully in the present and not caged in the past.

In the night, it's Santana who holds Brittany. Her front is pressed comfortably against Brittany's back, her head buried in her neck as she breathes in the scent of Brittany. She hums a nameless lullaby, lulling Brittany to sleep.

"I was lost and you found me." She says, when she is sure that Brittany is asleep. "I was broken and you picked up the pieces even when you got hurt in the process. I wasn't worth anything but you would always say otherwise. I was a fucked up person B. The me right now was nothing but a dream. I gave up but you hoped for the both of us. You believed in me when I couldn't. You held my hand and picked me up when I couldn't save myself." She brushes a stray strand of blonde hair. "You're so adorable when you sleep. And I know I sound like a creep but you're asleep so whatever. I wish I'll have the courage to tell you this someday but right now, I'll just have to settle for this. I love you. I really, really do. I love you and somehow no matter how many times I say it, the words can never fully tell you just how much." She tightens her hold on Brittany and presses them so close together just because they are a perfect fit.

"Sweet dreams, love." She whispers before finally letting the pull of sleep take her.

Tonight she will dream not of flames and ashes and death. Tonight she is certain she will not wake up in the wee hours of the morning in terror. Tonight she will dream of light and love and Brittany. Tonight she will rest in order to wake up and watch the love of her life breathing and dreaming in her arms.

Brittany opens her eyes as tears drop. She had heard every single word and her heart beats erratically and so for the woman who's holding her right now. She turns gently in her arms and wraps her arm around Santana's waist. She had never seen the brunette sleep so peacefully and so content before.

"I love you too, S." She says, feeling every word with her entire being.

* * *

><p>"Stay?" Quinn asks almost inaudibly. Caleb's hand is already on the door knob. She had never asked any guy to stay in her home since a very long time and though Caleb wanted to stay, he wasn't sure if it's okay for Quinn. So it's perfectly reasonable for him to freeze when she asks him to stay.<p>

"What?" He stammers. This time, Quinn marches up to him, her left hand taking his hand that's somehow stuck on the doorknob and her right hand pushing the door close.

"It's okay." Caleb looks dubious and Quinn finds it sweet the way he cares.

"Are you sure?" He asks. " It's okay. Really. I can go. You don't have to force yourself to do this."

"I'm not. I want to watch stupid romcoms with you and eat popcorn and cuddle and sleep in the same bed with you. You have clothes here from the time when you passed out here right after you drove us back home from that vacation we took with Santana a year ago. But it's okay if you really wanted to go. I'm not going to be hurt or anything…" She rambles off eventually as she lets Caleb's hand go, suddenly feeling shy. But Caleb cuts her off with his biggest smile yet.

"Of course, I'd love to stay." He drops his keys on the counter and makes a bee line to the couch, dragging Quinn with him.

"So, what are we watching?" He says enthusiastically, as he shuffles through the DVDs. _Titanic_catches his attention. He grins evilly, fully aware of the side of Quinn he's going to see. The blonde catches the evil glint in his eyes and she protests.

"No."

"Pleaaaase?" Caleb pouts like a lost puppy and Quinn curses herself for not looking away fast enough. Why is it that she feels like the whipped one in this relationship?

"No." But her voice wavers and the next thing she knows she's grudgingly sitting and watching the first part of the movie. By the middle part, Quinn forgets why she resisted watching this movie in the first place especially when Caleb's arms are around her. But she is reminded when they reach the end of the movie and Quinn is reduced to a burbling mess. The tears are unstoppable and when the credits rolled around, she's still crying and she can't stop it. Caleb looks mildly amused. But he's aware as to why she's actually crying. So he takes her into his arms and carries her to her bedroom even when Quinn weakly protests. He spoons her.

"I'm not going anywhere, Q. In fact, I can stay here forever." There was nothing else to prove when Quinn looks into his eyes.

* * *

><p>Santana wakes up to the sound of a child's joyous screaming. Confused, she surveys her surroundings and digests the fact that she is not in her own bed. She peers to the light shining right on her face and the noise catches up with her. She hears adults talking and laughing and children <em>still<em> screaming. It's 8 am in the morning and it's too early for Santana. What gets her to wake up though is the fact she's clutching a goddamn _pillow_ when it she would rather be clutching a person, _Brittany_ to be exact, at this time in the morning. Seeing as the blonde is nowhere to be found inside the room, she grunts as she drags herself out of the warmth and comfort she had peacefully slept in last night.

She quickly assesses the number of people outside and thinks that it might be best if she takes a quick shower. She thanks the heavens when she discovers there's a shower room inside Brittany's room.

Fifteen minutes later, she emerges, fresh and clean. She grabs a pair of jeans and a crisp white three-fourths from the clothes they packed. She winces when the children began screaming again as she warily stares at the door, not sure if she should be dreading the number of people outside. She chooses to wear Chucks since heels would _not_be the best option if there were children running around the house especially if she wants to stay on her feet.

"Keep it down, Abby." She hears a mother's voice rebuke the child who must have been the one with the highest pitch of scream. Santana closes the door behind her and silently makes her way down the stairs, definitely not used to having so much people in a house.

"Hey, San!" She sees Brittany beckoning her over form the living room. A brown-haired boy is sitting on her lap, his small, chubby hands playing with a train. The image warms something inside Santana and she feels a pleasant pull at her gut. She makes her way to Brittany and kisses her cheek.

"Good morning." She settles down next to her, eyeing the child as Brittany blushes slightly. "Why is there so much people in here?" She could two pairs of parents not counting Brittany's chatting animatedly at the counter and she's not sure if there're four or five children running around in the backyard. She turns to Brittany who is now looking at her, guiltily.

"I forgot to tell you that my cousins are coming over." Santana sighs, wary of the noise. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm just not used to this much people, you know that." She goes back to eyeing the child as if the boy will somehow turn into a hideous creature that will eat her alive.

"This baby is Dave. He's the youngest of all my cousins."

"Okay." Santana says, uncertain. Brittany quirks an eyebrow.

"Are you scared, San?"

"No!" She replies a little too fast.

"Hold him then."

"Uhh, I don't think your aunt or uncle would appreciate it if I accidentally drop the guy. And I think Dave…" She hesitantly pokes his cheek. "…is quite comfortable on your lap." Brittany laughs and Dave peers at her and then looks at Santana, finally noticing her. Santana stares right back at him and she does have to admit, the kid is kind of cute except for the fact that there's saliva running down the side of his mouth. The two have a staring match until Dave scrambles out of Brittany's lap.

"Whoa… Err, Britt?" Dave transfers to _her_ lap, making himself comfortable. Santana's hands are raised in surrender, letting the baby be the boss. Brittany is giggling beside her and she shoots her a glare. It's not that she hates kids. No. In fact she adores them. But it's been so long since she was fit to be around their happy bubbles.

"Relax. He's not gonna bite you." Santana looks form her face to the kid's. Dave is looking as if he wants to sleep. He also looks like he's about to cry and that prompts Santana to do something. She picks up the baby boy just as he hiccupped signaling the start of wailing and stands up from her place on the couch. Instincts take over and somehow her arms remember how she held Tiana and Miguel. She rocks back and forth when she hears sniffling, completely forgetting the very possible chance of her dropping the child. She wipes the saliva from his face before letting him nestle on her shoulder. She rubs his back when he whimpers. Before she knows it, she's humming the lullaby she was humming last night. She's completely relaxed at this point and the baby knows it. He stops sniffling that tells Santana that she has successfully prevented the onslaught of tears and wailing.

Brittany watches Santana, her eyes wide in wonder and amazement. Santana's eyes are closed, concentrated on calming the baby. The picture is so perfect and Brittany aches. Suddenly, she _yearns_ to see this every day of her life. Santana is glowing as if the baby released feelings inside her that were locked up. She watches as Dave dozes off, his chubby arm wrapped loosely around Santana.

"She's a natural." She hears her Aunt Jenny, Dave's mother, say quietly. Santana doesn't seem to notice as she continues what she's doing until she feels Dave's deep and easy breathing. She cracks her eyes open trying to decipher when she closed them. She turns to Brittany, a smile on her face. She notices her aunt looking at her, amused.

"Who knew Santana Lopez, the stoic lawyer, is a softie when it comes to babies?" Brittany teases. Santana glares at her, a blush creeping to her cheeks.

"I see, you got Dave to fall asleep. You know, he never did that before. He would always wail his little lungs out before he falls asleep." Brittany's aunt says. "I'm Jenny, that little boy's mother." At this point, Santana is drowning in embarrassment. Brittany laughs at her.

"Uhh, good morning." Santana says. "Santana Lopez. I'm Brittany's err…" Unsure if she should know about their relationship.

"She's Brittany's girlfriend, Jen." Grace says as she approaches them.

"Ohhh, she's quite a catch Britt. You got lucky." Jenny says.

"Believe me, I'm the lucky one." Santana can't resist.

"Sap." She teases Brittany. "You know we can argue about that all day." She says and the older women laugh when Brittany sticks her tongue out.

"Awww." They gush. A lean man around his forties approaches them and encircles an arm around Jenny's waist.

"You must be Santana. Grace wouldn't stop talking about you. I'm Gary." He stretches out his hand and Santana balances Dave on one arm to shake his hand. "You got my little man to sleep. You guys better put him in the crib in the guest room before those kids over there decide to take their chaos inside." He chuckles. Santana gently hands Dave to Jenny who takes him gently and proceeds to drag her husband with her.

"Your Aunt Nina and Uncle Tom are preparing the grill. We're going to have barbecue later. I'm going to go help around the kitchen. You guys do whatever. No locked doors!" She says as she waves and walks away. As if on cue, five children began running inside and to Santana's horror, they were running toward Brittany who smiled widely. A six-year old boy launched himself in Brittany's arms and she caught him easily.

"Whoa there, pirate." Brittany says.

"Who are you?" A girl sweetly asks Santana. She was wearing a pretty pink dress and her brown hair is in pigtails. The kid reminds her of Tiana. She crouches down and smiles kindly. "I'm Abby!"

"Hello Abby. I'm Santana."

"Tana."

"Tana?" Another boy asks.

"Who's Tana?" Still another asks. A girl appears right beside Abby, slightly taller than the latter. Santana assumes that she's Abby sister.

"Are you Tana?" She asks. Santana nods and smiles.

"Hello, Tana!"

"Hello, boys and girls. What were you guys playing?"

"We were playing Pirate! But it's unfair coz they have more pirates than we do."

"Can I join?" Brittany gaps in surprise at Santana's request. "We fight to save Princess Brittany over there." The kids squeal in joy. Ten minutes later, Brittany and Santana find themselves amidst bandanas and flags and makeshift ships. Santana's has landed on her ass more times than she can count and they have "saved" Princess Brittany countless times. By lunch time, the girls are tied to the boys. Brittany suggests a draw to which they all agree.

Lunch was spent with the family getting to know Santana. She may or may not have gotten a few light threats to which Brittany would defend her. She feels the essence of family and the sense of belonging. Santana latches on to the feeling.

Three Disney movies and whole pizza later, it's time to go for both families.

"Will I see you again, Tana?" Bobby asks. His eyes looked teary, his hands clutching his twin's hand.

"Of course, you will, bug. But for now, you have to go okay? Take care of your brother. That goes for you too, Captain Brian." She addresses his sleep-looking twin. They both give a hug and though Santana would never admit it, it felt wonderful to be hugging kids again. They say their goodbyes with hugs and kisses and more reminders to take care of Brittany but eventually, they lapse back to the peaceful silence of the Pierce's home.

A couple of hours before their flight is about to leave, Santana finds herself in the veranda with Brittany's dad.

"Grace tells me that she talked to you about Brittany."

"She did." Mr. P takes a sip from his beer.

"I trust you, Santana. But I want to hear it for myself. As a dad you know. You have to make sure your princess is in the right hands." Santana nods. The wind blows and she relaxes. "Do you love her?"

"More than anything." She says without skipping a beat. Mr. Pierce smiles.

"Why her then Santana? There's a million pretty ladies out there. But why Brittany?" Santana contemplates the question. She looks out to the setting sun, her expression content. Mr. Pierce doesn't recognize the Santana that Brittany and Grace brought in just yesterday.

"Because out of the million ladies out there, none of them is Brittany. None of them would ever pick up the pieces of me and put me back together. None of them would sing to me and run miles just to keep me safe in the night. None of them can ever love like Brittany. She's that one in a million, Mr. P. She's that one person I'd choose over and over again, no matter what lifetime."

"Funny how Brittany can have such a big heart. Sometimes it endangers her and she forgets that not everyone in this world is good. You have to protect her."

"I'll do more than that. But I'll hurt her someday. I'll break her heart and make her cry. But I'll also pick up the pieces and beg for her to forgive me. I'm not perfect. I'll make mistakes. But if there's one thing that will never be a mistake, it's when I fell in love with Brittany." Mr. Pierce seemed satisfied with her answer.

"So you want to marry her?" Mr. Pierce asks and the question stuns Santana. In all honesty, she'd thought about it and she had already decided that if Brittany chooses to be with her, she'd gladly spend the rest of her life with her. Being with her and the kids a while ago had sparked some desire buried deep in Santana.

"If – If she wants to."

"Marriage is forever, my dear. It's not just some vows and blessings. It means that you'll be by the person's side no matter what."

"I know. And right now, as I'm pretty sure I will be to the day I die and beyond that, there's nowhere else I'd rather be than be beside Brittany." Mr. Pierce smiles at her, obviously pleased with her answer.

"San?" Annie's voice sounds behind them. She had obviously heard the whole conversation and is biting her lip apologetically.

"Hey, Annie."

"I didn't mean to eavesdrop but Mom wanted me to call you guys. It's time to go." Santana chuckles.

"It's okay." Annie stands up straight and looks into Santana's eyes.

"You take care of her, okay?"

"I will."

* * *

><p>In the plane going back, Brittany's head rests on Santana's shoulder.<p>

"So, what did you and my dad talk about?" She says, her eyes closed.

"It's a secret." Brittany huffs and pouts, half-expecting the answer.

"You guys are mean." Santana laughs quietly. And she realizes then and there that if someone gave her the world on a silver platter in exchange for Brittany, she'd gladly decline. She realizes that this is where she should be, the place where she truly belonged.

"I'm glad Caleb brought you to lunch on that day, all those months ago." Santana whispers. "I'm glad I met you." She laces their hands together, enjoying the warmth of Brittany's hand. "I'm glad I fell in love with you." She says, kissing the top of her head. Brittany smiles in her sleepy daze and though she doesn't say it, she's just glad that she knows that she loves her too.

And no one can describe in words the love they have.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay. First off, I am so sorry. I had finals and God, the stress. T_T Thank you to all who responded to my request for the privatephilosopher's birthday. And most of all, thank you for the alerts and the reviews and the favorites. For the anonymous reviews, again, I will address each and every one of you by the end of this story. One more chapter guys! **

**Hint for the next chapter: Santana faces a challenge bigger than facing fire. ;)**

**Now, click on the review button and tell me what you think. :) Please? I'm begging here. Haha.**

**This chapter is especially dedicated to you guys because no words can describe how grateful I am. No words can describe how much I appreciate the time and effort you give to this story. But where words fail, I will let you guys feel. I hope my feelings reach each and every one of you. I love you, people. :)**

**Brittana (SOON ),**

**theangel1710**


	14. Epilogue: Pinky Promises

**Epilogue: Pinky Promises**

It's been four months since Santana and Brittany's trip to back to Lima. Santana has been getting better and better to the point when Mercedes let her go.

"_What are you doing here?" Santana glares at her._

"_It's my therapy time, Piggy. Have you forgotten? Did you accidentally eat your brain?"_

"_Oh, haha. That's funny Satan. I have stuff to do. Go away." Mercedes shoos her with one hand, smirking. Before Santana could even say something offensive, Mercedes looks at her, this time with a smile. "I have nothing more to do with you. Eight months ago, you were a wreck. You don't want to open up at all, you were downright rude…"_

"_I still am."_

"_Right. But right now, you're only doing it for the sake of old times. You could barely sleep. You had nightmares. You couldn't face your past. You ended up hurting the people around you because you couldn't deal with yourself. But look at you right now. I'm pretty sure those bags under your eyes are cause by a certain blonde." Santana blushes. "You're more open. And you come here because you _want_ to. And that's when I stop. You don't need me anymore. You're standing up on your own two feet."_

_Santana stares dumbly at Mercedes not really processing what's happening. _

"_Of course, you can come back when you feel like you're lapsing back to the train wreck you were. Otherwise, I sincerely hope not to see your face again." Santana laughed and Mercedes actually thought the world is ending. But she can't help but join her. It's been a difficult year for Santana but she's just glad that she was able to help her through it._

"_Thank you." Santana mumbles out, a little grudgingly but Mercedes hears it._

"_Now go, Satan. Take care of Brittany, okay? Don't forget to invite me on your wedding!" Santana chokes on nothing._

"_We-wedding?" Mercedes raises an eyebrow._

"_Okay, don't tell me you haven't thought about it."_

"_I have but…" Santana hesitates._

"_Santana? Get this into your brain. I'm telling you this as a friend as I'm assuming we are. You don't meet a girl like Brittany every day. You'd be stupid to let her go. So quit being scared and tie the knot, girl! It's about time, if you ask me. How long have you guys been together?"_

"_A year in a month."_

"_What? Okay, now I'm betting my ass she's just waiting." Santana is left to her mind._

That was almost a month ago. Now she has a couple of weeks before they celebrate their anniversary. And Santana is on a different kind of wreck. It's a Wednesday and she's on her day off like Quinn who is still sleeping in even though it's like ten in the morning.

Coming back from Lima, Santana made Brittany stay over at her and Quinn's house. The blonde had agreed, too tired and sleepy to argue. They had barged into the house. Santana wanted to check on Quinn, dragging Brittany with her. They got the surprise of their lives when they saw Caleb spooning Quinn. Brittany had gushed over them while Santana made quiet gagging noises. Both were happy for their friends. But that didn't stop them from teasing the couple endlessly in the morning.

Right now, Santana is waiting for Quinn to wake up and she has decided that if the blonde does not wake up in ten minutes, she's going to drag her away from the bed. She can't hold the excitement for long. She had tried singing it out, dancing even. She had tried meditating to calm her nerves and to refresh her mind. That one worked but an hour after, the excitement caught up to her.

She needs Quinn for this. She needs Quinn to tell her that everything's going to be okay.

A minute before the deadline Santana had set on Quinn, the blonde emerges and Santana can't help the huge smile that appears on her face. Quinn looks at her funny, her eyebrow raised.

"Well, you're awfully happy." Quinn says, her voice hoarse with sleep. "What gives?" She asks as soon as she flops down on the stool. Santana bounces next to her and is completely out of character. There's gleam in her eyes that makes Quinn want to know what's happening to her friend.

"Did you kill somebody?" Quinn says. Instead of coming up with a witty remark, Santana surprises her by laughing. "Okay. Are you crazy? Do I need to take you to the mental hospital?"

"I'm not!" Santana slaps her arm and Quinn breathes a little easier. At least, she's still violent. "Just hurry up, okay? I've been waiting for you for three fucking hours."

"What were you doing, awake at seven on your _day off_?" Santana grins wildly, her heart beating and so alive.

"You'll see. We're going somewhere. Just move your pretty ass."

"Okay, you complimenting my ass would mean that you're up to no good."

"Don't worry, Q. Just… I'm begging here. I need you for this." Quinn sighs before downing her coffee and shoving her food in her mouth partly because of her curiosity and partly because Santana keeps on pestering her.

Thirty minutes later, Santana is in the car even when Quinn just came out of the shower and clad only in a towel. The brunette is waving at her impatiently and Quinn can't help but roll her eyes. Nonetheless, she hurries, especially when Santana begins honking the horn.

"_Finally_." Santana says when she clambers onto the passenger seat, her hair still wet. Quinn glares at her but Santana seems unfazed and untouchable in her happy glow.

"Geez, impatient much?"

"Sorry. But I promise it's worth it."

"Oh, I doubt it."

"Wanna bet?" Santana smiles smugly and Quinn wisely chooses to keep her mouth shut. It doesn't last long.

"Are we going where we think we're going?" Quinn says, a big smile on her face, her body giddy with the excitement Santana is manifesting.

"It depends. Where do you think we're going?" Santana parks in front of Tiffany & Co and Quinn squeals like a fan girl. Santana grins like the goof in love she is as she follows Quinn who's already racing to the grand building.

The woman behind the counter smiles at her almost instantly as if she was expecting them to arrive.

"Santana! Good morning. Should I…?" Santana nods. Quinn shoots her a confused look and Santana smiles sheepishly this time.

"I've been coming here at some point of the day every day for almost a month."

"Bitch! Why didn't you tell me?"

"Uhh, probably because I wasn't so sure yet. But don't worry. I'm as sure as a damn heart attack now." Santana's cheeks are rosy and if Quinn could literally see her glow with the happiness she hadn't seen on her for far too long.

"God, you are so in love." Santana doesn't even bother to deny it.

"I am." She says as if the most wonderful fact in the world. The woman from earlier, Tina, appears with a velvet box in hand.

"They just finished it." She hands the box to Santana who gingerly takes it and sets it on the glass. She opens it and she hears Quinn gasp beside her.

Inside the box rests the ring that Santana intends to give to Brittany hopefully on their anniversary. The ring is of white gold band. In the middle rests a diamond, the shine reflecting in Santana's eyes. The diamond is flanked on both sides by a sapphire that complimented Brittany's eyes.

"It's perfect, S. She would love it." Quinn whispers. Santana lifts the ring carefully and shows the blonde the engraving.

_I pinky promise._

Santana's heart swells and she loves Brittany right now more than ever.

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Quinn asks, suddenly. Santana looks at her, an eyebrow raised and a teasing smile in place. It's her you-should-know-the-answer-to-that look.

"Q, it's more than just a yes or a no. It's me letting her know that I want to spend the rest of my life with her and I'm not gonna have it any other way. If she says yes then I'm living the dream I never realized I have. If she says no then it's gonna hurt like a bitch but I won't stop until she says yes. Because it's _her_, Q. My heart and my entire life. I ain't gonna let her go without a fight."

"Good answer!" Quinn claps her on the back.

"Sometimes the people who come here buy rings for the sake of saying that they have the money to buy one. It's not that often that we see people like you who buy rings because they really do want to be with the person they're giving the ring to." Tina says. "It's been a pleasure to bring you the perfect ring. And it's most definitely a pleasure to meet a woman as in love as you are."

"Thanks, Tina." They wrap the velvet box in a blue little box with a bow on top and Santana pockets it. It's going to be there for the next fourteen days.

They walk back to the car, huge smiles on their faces.

"So I'm assuming you're popping the question on your anniversary?"

"Yep!"

"And do you have a plan?" Santana smiles mischievously and it tells Quinn that she might be dragged into this.

* * *

><p>"B, stop doing that. You might end up eating all your fingers off." Mike chastises Brittany who is busy biting her nails.<p>

"But I'm nervous, okay?" She replies but stops biting her nails anyway.

"Why?" Brittany glares at him. "Oh, right. Don't worry! You'll do great. Now go perform for the little kids. They're waiting for you." Mike smiles as he ushers Brittany into the room.

Two weeks has flown by so fast, Brittany didn't have time comprehend everything. Today is her and Santana's anniversary but she has yet to see the brunette. Santana _did_ leave a note though. She greeted her a happy anniversary and had texted her an "I love you" as soon as she woke up. Work at the dance studio today cannot be escaped even though she badly wants to spend the entire day with Santana. But as it turns out, she's not the only one grounded in work. The brunette wasn't able to leave work seeing as an important client who could very much boost the firm's reputation and salary needs to be accommodated.

Now, she is about to perform for the kids by special request of _everyone_. So she enters the room and smiles fully to the kids as she walks to the stereo to play the music. But before she could do so, a kid tugs at her leggings. Confused, she crouches down.

"What's wrong, Kate?" Kate, a brunette who had gray eyes and is wearing a pink tutu, smiles at widely.

"We wants to show ya somethin'." Okay, now Brittany is even more confused.

"Okay." She says. Mike walks in, avoiding her eyes.

"Kate! Come. Okay, kids. Just like we practiced." Kate runs to join the other kids and Mike. Brittany approaches them.

"Mike? What's going on?" Mike grins sheepishly at her before he ushers her to a sit right in the middle of the room. "Seriously. Mike?"

"Relax." Before she can say anything, the kids form a circle around her, all their hands behind their backs. "This is from Santana." Brittany's eyes widen but before she can react, two kids break from the circle and moves in front of her. Their eyes are wide with glee. They hand Brittany a white rose each. Brittany's heart is pounding in her chest.

"Number one. I love you because you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen." One of them says. The two kids move back and two kids replace them. They hand her two white roses each just like the first two kids.

"Number two. I love you because you dance like no one else and when you do everybody is simply blown away." The same thing happens and Brittany is handed another couple of roses.

"Number three. I love you because you have the biggest, kindest heart anyone can have."

"Number four. I love you because you believed in me when nobody did." This time, the youngest couple of kids step forward.

"Number five. I wuv you because you saved me from loness."

"Loneliness, Nikki." Mike says. Nikki blushes adorably.

"Lowiness." Brittany can't help it.

"Awwww." She gushes and Nikki turns bright red. Brittany bends to kiss her forehead, making the little girl smile. Her friend, Eileen pokes her cheek lightly before taking her hand and leading her back to the circle.

"Number six. I love you because I was lost and you found me." At this point, Brittany is near tears.

"Number seven. I love you because you made me want to live."

"Number eight. I love you because you picked up the shards of my broken heart and glued it back together."

"B?" The kid says after she recited her part.

"Mmm?"

"What are shards?" Brittany chuckles.

"Remember the time when you dropped your mommy's mirror and it broke into little pieces? Those little pieces are shards." The kid's mouth pop open with a big 'O'.

"Mommy got hurt when she picked 'em up. Did you get hurt when you picked up S's shards?" Brittany picks up the kid and settles her on her lap, the roses on her other arm.

"I did, sometimes. But you know what? S would always kiss them better." The kid clapped her hands with happiness and the number nine kids walk forward.

"Number nine. I love you because all I can think about is you and my heart beats only for you." On the tenth number, Mike steps forwards and the kid on Brittany's lap jumps off to take his hand and to join everyone. They chorus.

"Number 10." The chorus of the children's voices resounds through the entire room and it's as if Santana is talking to her.

"Santana loves you because you are her soul mate, the person who keeps her heart safe, the person who is her life." Mike steps forward.

"Santana loves you because she doesn't need a reason to do so. Santana loves you just because." Mike hands her a couple of roses, completing the bouquet. Mike takes the roses from her and wraps with the wrapper Santana gave him earlier that day. He hands it back to a teary-eyed Brittany along with a card her pulled out from his back pocket.

Brittany opens it. Inside is Santana's handwriting.

_Hey, B. I hope the kids and Mike did the surprise well. Happy Anniversary! Come home soon. I'm waiting. ;)_

"Santana came to us when you were at a meeting with Caleb. She told us the plan and the kids and I happily agreed."

"Tana gave us lollipops!"

"She gave us all hugs and kisses too!" Brittany chuckles. Nobody can describe what she's feeling right now. She's so happy she can barely process it. She is rendered speechless by the sheer impact of the moment. She feels like she can do anything for Santana. She feels like she's worth everything. The love she feels from Santana is nothing compared to anything. The love the makes her feel wanted, loved, and perfect. It removes all doubts, all conflict. It heals all wounds. She feels complete.

"Thank you." She chokes out, happy tears flowing out.

"I believe you have to go home." Mike says, smirking. "Damn, doing all of this for you guys makes me want to go back home to Tina." He laughs. "Go, B. I'll close up." Brittany smiles gratefully at him and to all the kids, the gratitude inexpressible.

She dashes out of the dance studio and hops in her car, laying the bouquet of white roses on the passenger seat. She breaks the speed limit to get to Santana and Quinn's home (which is partly hers and Caleb's too since they've spending almost all of their nights there). Her veins are pumping excitement through her entire body that she can't help but barge in through the door.

"San?" She calls out tentatively in an attempt to hide the fact that she wants to jump her. However, Caleb surprises her, a big, goofy, smile on his face. "Caleb! Is Santana here?"

"Nope. But you'll meet her soon. Go to Santana's bedroom." He steps in front of her and places his hands on her shoulders. "I'm happy for you. Now, why don't I take those and put them in a vase while your get ready? You have time to shower, don't worry. You have an hour actually." Brittany nods and hands him the bouquet and dashes off to Santana's bedroom.

On her bed is a blue dress she has never seen before. Beside it is a black blazer.

_It might get cold. Though I can warm you up, that job is strictly in the bedroom only. ;)_

Brittany blushes. The shoes she recognizes though. It's her new white, closed toe, heels. There's a note next to the dress.

_Wear this. 3_

Brittany spends the next hour showering and putting on the dress and putting on light make up. She decides to tie her hair up. She takes her time, not wanting to rush and wanting to look her best for Santana. Forty-five minutes later, Brittany puts on the blazer and stuffs something in one of its pockets. She checks her makeup and nervously straightens her already immaculate dress. Caleb knocks on her door, chuckling when he catches her straightening her dress.

"You look gorgeous, Britt. Besides, I think Santana could care less what you wear as long as you get there on time. And that, my lady, is my job. So, shall we go?" He offers his arm to her and Brittany gracefully accepts.

Caleb takes them to the Central Park Boathouse. Brittany gasps. She never had the opportunity or the money to enjoy the place. Caleb seems to read her mind.

"Only the best for Santana's girl." Caleb winks. He parks and opens the door for Brittany and leads her inside.

"You must be Brittany. Let me just say, Lopez has made quite a catch." A dashing man with a mohawk and in a tuxedo meets them. "Good evening. Noah Puckerman. Santana's lesbro." He smirks but bows politely. He nods at Caleb.

"All set?" Caleb asks. Puck rolls his eyes.

"This is Lopez we're talking about. All's set." Caleb laughs. Puck's got a point. Brittany looks at them, confused.

"Stop worrying. Relax and enjoy."

"I'll take it from here." Puck says and Caleb nods, giving one last smile to Brittany before he goes in first.

"Tell me one thing. Am I going to finally see Santana?" Brittany asks. Puck laughs and offers his arm.

"Soon." He answers as he smiles kindly at Brittany. Santana had promised to treat him at the bar for a night if he'd do her a favor. He would never tell her this, but free drinks or no, he would still agree.

"This place has got be the most beautiful place I've ever seen." Puck chuckles.

"Santana would disagree." He winks and Brittany blushes. "She's one damn lucky girl to have you."

"I would have to disagree with that. I'm the lucky one." Brittany says, smiling widely.

"You love birds are way above this world." Brittany chuckles. Finally, Puck leads them to a secluded hallway and all noise and chatter dissolves.

"Where are we going?"

"Don't worry. Santana reserved an entire room for this. Ah, here we are." They are standing in front of a double door. Puck knocks and instantly the doors are opened. Caleb and Quinn are pulling each other, Caleb a little out of breath and Quinn looking like she's having the time of her life.

"Good evening. My name is Quinn and this is Caleb. We will be your servers for tonight. Please, come in." Puck leads a dumbstruck Brittany inside. The room reminds her of the scene in the Beauty and The Beast and her heart pounds. The room is lit so much more than lights and everything seems to be in HD. In the middle of a room is a single table, a candle lit in the middle.

Santana emerges into sight from the piano on the side of the room and _now_ Brittany would bet her life that no one can be as beautiful as Santana. The brunette is clad in a red dress stopping just above her knees just like Brittany's dress. Her heels are a stunning black. Brittany's breath catches when she realizes that they are wearing the same opposite attire as each other and a single thought hits her.

_Yin and Yang_.

They complement each other. They are _for_ each other. Her heart is filled with a love that goes further than just butterflies and stomach turning and dazzling eyes. Santana moves toward her, perhaps the softest and warmest smile lighting up her face.

"Hi, B. You look absolutely breath-taking."

"Are you kidding me? _You're_ the one who looks like a goddess." An adorable blush spread through Santana's edible cheeks.

"Thank you, Puck. I'll take it from here." Puck takes Brittany's hand on his arm, kisses it lightly and smirks a little when Santana glares at him subtly. He places her hand on Santana's and bows. He exits and disappears through a door in the corner of the room. Brittany feels a tug on her hand and instantly, her universe forgets everything else and revolves around Santana. Mercedes is playing the piano softly and everything is perfect.

Santana pulls the chair for her and Brittany gracefully sits down, smiling happily at Santana. _That_ eases Santana's worries and her nervous heart. As soon as she sits down, Caleb comes to their table, champagne and glasses in hand. He smiles at them and wordlessly serves them the beverage.

"I hope you're hungry." Santana says, nodding at Caleb who gets it and retreats to where he came from. Quinn replaces Caleb and sets a large plate of spaghetti and meat balls in front of them. Brittany looked positively glowing. Santana chuckles at the adorable excitement in Brittany's face and she momentarily forgets the ring that she entrusted to Quinn.

They do end up reenacting the scene in the Lady and the Tramp. Brittany nudges a meatball to Santana's side and the brunette thinks she's perfect. In turn, and much Brittany's absolute delight, she pushes her meatball to Brittany. After that they talk about everything and just about anything under the sun. They chatter and laugh at all the memories until their stomach hurt until finally, it's time.

Santana wipes the last of the spaghetti around Brittany's mouth. She stands, folding the table napkin neatly in a weak attempt to control her erratically beating heart. Brittany is shooting her a confused looks and she's so tempted to blurt it out right there and then but she remembers that she has a plan. And a damn good plan at that. So instead of making a run for it, or worse, blurting it out unceremoniously, she places a placating hand against Brittany's cheek, hoping to placate herself.

"Listen, B. I mean each and every word with everything I have and more." And Brittany, just like how she does every time Santana asks her to trust her, drops all doubt and gives her entire soul to Santana to do with it whatever she likes. She watches Santana motion to Mercedes and the music stops and starts into a new melody. As the woman hits the first notes, Santana resists the sudden urge to burst into tears. She turns and faces Brittany, dropping all walls and letting herself be vulnerable and bare because if there's someone she can trust her life with it would be Brittany. She takes a deep breath and begins.

_For you, there'll be no more crying._

_For you, the sun will be shining._

_And I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright,_

_I know it's right._

Brittany flushes, signaling the start of tears. She feels Santana radiate the undeniable feeling of love. She sings, her voice dripping with more than just tone and rhythm. Her fears seem silly under Santana's gaze, her doubts disappearing into nothingness. It is in her eyes that she feels like she's the only girl in the world and feels so _incredible_ that she is brought to tears.

_To you, I'll give the world._

_To you, I'll never be cold._

_Cause I feel that when I'm with you, it's alright,_

_I know it's right._

Santana sings the words with every fiber of her being because without Brittany, God knows what she would be doing right now. Without Brittany, she might have never been able to find the life that her family gave her. Without Brittany, she has no purpose, no use in this world, no life. The love she feels for her cannot be contained in just one word. It goes beyond it and into a feeling indescribable with mere words. So she feels it like she's never felt anything before. She feels it because she wants Brittany to realize just how much her heart beats for her.

_And the songbirds are singing,_

_Like they know the score._

_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_

_Like never before._

And there it is. It's the words she'll say for the rest of her life, desperately trying to let the actual feeling reach Brittany. And it does. Brittany wipes the never-ending tears of joy and sobbing like a child. She wishes she met Santana sooner but really, she's just thankful that she met her.

_And I wish you all the love in the world,_

_But most of all, I wish it from myself._

_And the songbirds are singing,_

_Like they know the score._

_And I love you, I love you, I love you,_

_Like never before, like never before._

The song closes and Santana is close to tears. But not yet. She has something to say. Quinn appears holding a tray and setting it in front of Santana. Brittany gasps as she sees the velvet box. Santana smiles a big thanks to Quinn who returns it to her with a wink. Santana grasps the box and moves toward the love her life. She kneels, staring straight at clear and shocked blue eyes. She opens the lid.

"B. The past year has been the best year of my life. I met you, I fell in love with you, and now, I'd like to take another step forward. You picked me up when I was down. You were beside me every step I took to fixing my life. You didn't judge me, you didn't leave me, you loved me even though I don't deserve you. You've been everything I need and more. You were this amazing, gorgeous and constant ray of light that I hold on to." Santana smiles.

"I've got so many things to say and all these feelings to make you feel. And I doubt that my whole life will be enough for all of it. But I'd like to try because Britt, you deserve the world and if I could, I would give you just that. But I can't. And I know I don't have any right to ask you for anything at all but if you would do me the favor of spending the rest of my life with you, I would be honored. I would spend each and every single day trying my hardest and giving my best at proving to you just how much I love you." She takes a deep breath. She pulls out the ring and lets Brittany see the engraving. The blonde gasps for the nth time that day and wouldn't have it any other way.

"I pinky promise to love you all the days of my life. I pinky promise to see you and only you. I pinky promise to be by your side no matter what. I pinky promise, B, that these promises will never be broken."

"Brittany S. Pierce, will you marry me?" There. Finally. Santana waits in fear and anticipation. Brittany recovers from shock and smiles softly at Santana. She takes Santana's hand in hers and pull her up with her as she stand to her full height.

"Not yet." Santana breaks in to a million pieces but before she could bawl her eyes out, Brittany chuckles and takes her face in her hands. "Trust me." And she does. She nearly drops the ring when Brittany kneels and pulls out a box of her own.

"B?"

"You're not the only one with surprises, S." She opens the lid, revealing a ring. It was silver and had a diamond heart sitting in the middle. It was simple yet elegant and it was everything Santana could have ever asked for.

"Santana, I can't even tell you how much I love you right now. But I do want to tell you how wrong you are. I deserve you, Santana and no one else. Don't you ever, _ever _doubt that. You're perfect. So perfect that I'm the one who's honored to have you in my life. I love you more than unicorns and ducks. I love you more than dancing. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone else in this world. I know that if I was with you that time when you opened your eyes into the world, I would have cried beside your dad. I know that if I saw you when you took your first step, I would be so happy. I know that if I was there the moment you spoke your first word, I would be so proud of you. I know that if I was there when some jerk took away your first kiss, I would have cried. I was _born_ to love you. And I will do just that for the rest of my life. So yes, Santana. I'll marry you. But only if you marry me too." Santana is beyond words so she drops to Brittany's level and kisses her, tears streaming down her face. She kisses her until they're both breathless. She kisses her until she's able to feel only her and when she pulls away, she's almost in pain to do so.

"So that's a yes then?" Brittany asks, smiling sheepishly and looking as dazed as she must also be.

"Yes, B. A thousand times, yes."

"Then yes to you too. And make it a million times." Puck, Caleb, Quinn, and Mercedes are clapping in the background by they can't hear them because they're in a separate world – a world that just became a reality.

* * *

><p>Brittany and Santana's wedding was set on a beach and during sunset. Both walked down the aisle. Santana's uncle, Robert, was the one who gave her away after the brunette made an appearance at Quinn's insistence to fix her shit before her wedding. And she did. Gabriela could barely say a complete sentence to her but they're making progress. It was worth it especially when Miguel was assigned their ring bearer.<p>

Brittany and Santana were both the perfect images of a glowing bride and everybody who attended felt that they were given a rare view of two people who are more in love in each other than just how much their heart can let them. The reception was a real party courtesy of Puck and they left early to escape to get to know each other more. The hotel was puzzled to clean up extremely rumpled sheets and was shocked to find the headboard almost broken.

Shortly after their wedding, Quinn and Caleb followed after Santana dragged Caleb's head out of his ass. The wedding was in a small chapel with only their closest friends and family invited. It was perfect though Santana surely argue that theirs is more perfect.

Now, Santana and Brittany Pierce-Lopez have moved in to their own house and Santana is rocking the I'm-pregnant glow just like Quinn. Brittany and Caleb have never been closer than ever what with their extremely hormonal and moody and not to mention, craving wives carrying their child.

Their marriage is not without ups and downs and a couple of misunderstandings. But they've been holding steady through all of it, not letting any of it ruin them. Because at the end of the day, they _know_ that there's no place they'd rather be than beside each other.

Santana still wakes up in the middle of the night from her nightmares. Though it's almost rare, it still happens and she would always cry. In that moment, Brittany pulls her back down beside her and murmurs comforting words to her ear. In the morning, Santana smiles, the torment of the night forgotten. And Brittany wouldn't have it any other way.

I only wrote a part of their story, the part of how they came to be. I only wrote this part to tell everyone that there is hope and that no matter how messed up we may be, there will always be people to pick us up. Don't push them away. Let them be by your side. Let them catch you when you fall. Let them love you especially when you don't. Let them be the reason why you'll be that person they deserve to have.

Brittany and Santana found each other. And now, I will let them write the rest of their story.

_**End**_

* * *

><p><strong>AN: **

**To: Roo, hmmm, scarletoz, Roo, Shiiiim, Charliehorse0077, Anonymous1, The Swede, Anonymous2, Mriss317, anon, mel, wkgreen, fayy, Anonymous, max, Alisa, fay, iGlee, Cali Cheerleading Swagger, mindconfession, cybilsadie, Marissa.**

**I don't know who you guys are and I'm sad that I can't reply to you guys individually, but know that I'm thankful for your reviews. To those of you who reviewed every single chapter, I would like to let you know that I love you strangers for that. To those who reviewed at least a chapter, **_**Jesus**_**, I love you guys too. :) **

**To all of you, it's been quite a journey and I would like to thank you guys. So much. Thank you for reading and sticking with me to the end and I hope you like the epilogue. **

**This chapter is especially dedicated to SKM's mom. You probably won't be able to read this, but thank you for bringing and raising such a wonderful child into this world. Without you, I wouldn't have met her and I would be missing a part of my life. Thank you.**

**This chapter is also dedicated to the girl I haven't met yet (since I'd probably end up marrying a girl). I'm waiting for you and I hope that we'll meet soon. :)**

**Brittana (B+S),**

**theangel1710**


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